Starting school close to birth of sibling, bad idea?

[b_light]

I was guessing it would be and have plans for my son to start in the 3-6 class next fall (he turns 3 in December of this year, so he will be almost 4 starting in the fall, but will stay in that room for 3 years--that's the way state cuttoffs would go, he'll be one of the older kids in the class).

Anyway, my mother was telling me that it might be good for him to start this year, so that he'll have something that is just for him. And also, my husband travels frequently (he's gone 50-70% of the time), so I have less physical support from him for naps and things. I am due in January.

I know there is a (rare) opening in the 3-6 class right now. I also know that he won't be eligible for the class until he actually turns three (which is in the beginning of December, so no big deal). I don't know if the toddler class has openings or not or which he'd be better suited for.

I am pretty torn on this and sort if just don't want my baby to go away . But also don't want after baby to be rougher on him than it could be.

Thoughts?

[MattBronsil]

He'll be fine, assuming it's a great school.

[ollyoxenfree]

I was in a similar position with a 3 y.o. ds, a baby due in the spring, and a husband working in a city 2 hours away (he came home weekends). DS started Montessori in January, a few months before the baby arrived. It worked out really well for us.

It was very helpful having him involved in a new experience, with caring adults and lots of friends, while I was involved with a new baby. Since he started a few months before she was born, I had lots of time and energy to help him with any adjustment issues - not that there were many.

At 3 yrs., he was already developing his own social world - making friends, asking for playdates, even having sleepovers with one close friend. For him, starting Montessori was a natural progression. It may not have worked for every child. Some children aren't ready to be away from home at that age. If you think your ds is ready, I don't see any harm in trying.

[jazzharmony]

My son was 3yr5mo when his sister was born and I thought a lot about this very issue. She was born in August and preschool was to begin in September. I decided not to send him until the following year. I did not want him to feel displaced even more - as if he was being sent away while the new baby stayed with me all of the time. It turned out to be the best decision ever. The three of us spent that year bonding and he and his sister are closer than ever, 5 years later
I also think 3 is awfully young for a school environment so that's where i'm coming from. Does your son separate easily? Does he enjoy being dropped off? What are his thoughts on school? Could you send him for a trial?

[lach]

I think I would probably give it a shot. You can always pull him out if it's not working. I think that starting at the beginning of December and then the baby not coming for another 1-2 months sounds like enough of a separation for a 3 year old that he wouldn't put the two together, especially with all the excitement of the winter holidays in there.

I will say that my almost 2 and a half year old loves school and has totally blossomed. She has always been a little social butterfly, and school gives her the stimulation and organized activities that I can't always provide at home. She comes home every day talking about her little friends, with all the little art projects she does in hand. They have a specialist every day, who do things like music, Spanish, gym (they call it "movement," and dance. She sings new songs and shows me new games. And she just seems so much more confident in what she does: the Montessori environment (even though it's a toddler program, so it's not full Montessori) has really empowered her.

It also gives me a great break to be able to run errands and have some down time, with only the baby in tow. Honestly, the absolute hardest part of having 2 is going to the supermarket and running errands. Bedtime's a snap compared to the logistics of a visit to the strip mall. Getting both in and out of the car and in and out of whatever contraptions makes a 30 second run to the bank or dry cleaners into a 30 minute errand. Only having to take the very portable baby when I run errands makes me such a happy Mommy. Having that downtime in the morning also gives me an opportunity to rest when the baby's had a rough night, so that I can be a much better Mommy to both kids in the afternoon.

[kayshajon]

DD started school this fall a week after DS was born. He was actually due on the day she started school, so at least he arrived a week early and gave her that much time to adjust to him before adjusting to school! I agree with the pp who said if it's a good school, he'll be fine. DD's teacher handled it really well and was instrumental in helping all of us with the transition. We had a few rough mornings, but she's been doing great!

[noobmom]

We're in a similar situation, although DS turned 3 in September and I started him in August. I'm also due with a baby in Jan 2010. I thought it would be best to start him in school before the baby came so that there wouldn't be any connection in his mind between the baby coming and him being sent to school (being "sent away" as a PP said).

The school had no problem starting him before he was officially 3. In fact, I had considered the toddler (which is 2.5-3.5 year olds) classroom, but after talking to the teacher we both agreed that the primary class was more appropriate for DS because he is a very verbal child--he can talk circles around 5 year olds. Long story short, he loves school and is thriving. I think it would be a great idea to start your son, esp if will go ahead and let him start before he turns 3. I wouldn't put him in the toddler room just to move him when he's 3, that seems like unnecessary change.

[Hokulele]

We had the same dilemma last year when DD2 was born. DD1 was three years old and started a new school 2.5 months after the baby was born. I am SO glad we did it!!!

It was very hard for DD1 to adjust to the school, drop off was difficult many times. BUT - she really really thrived there. She had her own thing - she saw herself as a BIG girl who got to go to school and learn new things. Also, she got a lot of attention from all the other kids because she was the one with the little baby sister. She got to be the one to tell everyone not to grab at the baby etc, and it made her feel important in her sister's life. She loved being able to show off her skills at helping Mommy with the baby.

I think there are some days when DD1 is bored because we have a day scheduled to do things revolving around the baby. It is so nice for DD1 to have a school day when everything is focused at her ability level and she doesn't have to wait around for baby stuff.

Also - DD1 is VERY intense. She requires a lot of energy. When she is around, I feel like the baby sits to the side, waiting for me to be able to pay attention to her. Having DD in school three days a week means that during that time I can focus all my attention on the baby - this is still true now, over a year later.

I know this is a hard decision, and it would matter to me how many days and how long each day my child was going to attend school. I am SO not ready to give her up for five days!! But if you talk it up the right way it can really be an ego booster for your older child. And a good time for you to bond with the little one.

HTH