First time mommies - out of the house alone

[JordanKX]

Rowan is 7 weeks tomorrow. Monday was my first night class that I'm teaching, so technically my first night out. Tonight (friday) was my first night out with girlfriends, for 2hours, and two glasses of wine.

Both were totally weird and strange and great and awkward, for different reasons. Monday because I couldn't think about the lil man - I had a job to do. Although it's a computer class, so I had the computer filled with pictures :-) And tonight because everyone wanted to talk about him, but I found I almost wanted to not talk about him... otherwise I just wanted to come home. 2hrs wasn't That long. But it felt like an eternity.

Are you ladies getting out of the house alone?
What are you doing if you are?

And just to note, I'm not so happy about the questions of, "is dad babysitting". Because in our minds, dad's home with his son. There's no "babysitting" attachment there. But apparently amongst my girlfriends it is. I learned a lot about their relationships just from this statement. What are your thoughts on this idea?

[dosergirl]

firstly i totally agree, dad's don't babysit. i meet this question with a simple, daddy is home with coraline. because i don't feel like getting into the insulting semantics.

anyway, i have only been out once without Cora. I was out for about an hour and i went to get some real clothes (not maternity) that fit me since i still have a few pounds to lose. i thought it would be great without a baby for a bit and in reality she was all i thought about and i missed her hence, not being out long. I look forward to some time with friends in the future.

[acemama]

Not a first timer, but haven't yet to get out of the house without baby. It will probably be a few months yet. We haven't introduced a bottle yet, so he's pretty much attached to me. It's OK though. This is our last baby and I'm trying to get in all the cuddle time I can

[StrongFeather]

Umm, yeah Dad's don't "babysit". they hang out with, take care of, bond with. Were the ones that said that Moms themselves? I would generally answer the same as dosergirl though.

Hmm, I have yet to really go "out" without Sam. BUT that is kind of my new situation. DH and I bought a house an hour away from our friends/boston proper, so with 2 hours of travel time, plus "hang out" time, that would be a lot of bottles for Sam! Eventually, I'll make it out to see some girlfriends, but right now it would require much more planning that I care to do. Besides that running to the grocery store doesn't really count, does it?

[coldandsleepy]

Grey will be 5 weeks on Monday, and we just haven't reached the point of me going anywhere without him yet. He still nurses constantly (still every hour or so during the daytime) and we're sticking to giving him one or fewer bottles of expressed breastmilk every day so I really have to decide when I want him to have that.

At night, his dad's been giving him the bottle so that I can go to bed an hour and a half earlier. At this point I would MUCH rather have the extra sleep than a trip out of the house alone.

And yeah, daddy time isn't babysitting time! It's... daddy time. He's as much of a parent as I am. (Even if he doesn't lactate.)

[octobermoon]

i plan on not going out alone until my LO is on a schedule and can go two hours without me. right now he doesn't usually go two hours without nursing and plus i can't bear to leave him anyway. i don't even want my husband to watch him for that long

[cristeen]

Since Avery is bottle-fed at this point, I'm going out alone at least twice a week. I do the grocery shopping alone on Saturday mornings, and usually manage a walk down to WF alone at some point during the week.

Of course, my first trip out alone was at 2 days - when I needed to get out of the house and I ran to BRU to get some much needed things. I was gone an hour, and by the time I left the store I was in tears missing my little guy.

And I completely agree - dad's don't babysit. I have my regular vendors at the farmer's market ask about him every week - I always tell them that he's home with daddy (or last week it was "asleep on daddy").

[Julia24]

Awww

Well, Charlotte was born in August, so yeah, I've been out without her. But, she's only been left with Daddy (and we call it 'daddy duty' around here - much the same as I'm on 'single Mom duty when dh is coaching or something else where I have to have all 3 kiddos and no help)

But, it's still hard, and I can't bear to leave her for long. Dh and I went out on ONE date- and it was just dinner and an early movie for my birthday....and a couple sundays ago I took Maddie to six flags - so I was gone nearly all day, but I missed her like crazy!

It was literally YEARS before dh and I (or my girlsfriends for that matter) could go out and talk about things OTHER than the kids. That definitely takes time

[kismetbaby]

Nope haven't been out without him yet. And besides a quick run to the store or something I don't have any plans to. He nurses frequently. . .besides at this point, I want to do things that include him not that mean I have to leave him behind. That said, I do love the "daddy duty" moments where I can take a bath or cook something. And eventually, I know I will crave some time out with grown-ups.

[spitbath]

oh, dang. i thought going to the grocery store by myself counted.
DH just got back from getting me coffee- he took Eli with him. it was nice to be home alone for a minute, but it was just that- a short minute. my postpartum doula offered to come over and take him while i get out for an hour or so, but at this point (he's 4wks) i don't even know what i would do! i just got really inspired to get back on top of selling my work, so probably shop for supplies or go to the thrift store..

not really hang out with friends, because the girlfriends i used to go out with stopped calling me a long time ago, and the ladies i hang out with now all have their kiddos with them. i don't mind it. we end up talking about a lot of stuff other than being mamas.

[zenproof]

wow. hmm...i've been out quite a bit actually. i made a point to request at least one outing a day early on (oban is 6wks tomorrow). when my husband gets home he gives me a shift to do with whatever i want. some days i have used it to go to the gym, and other times i just get out to DRIVE! to get coffee, or run an errand etc. some times i don't take the out - and just get on the computer/shower or what not. actually lately i've started going to the climbing gym right after his bedtime feeding - and can usually get a longer sleep stretch out of him! (3hrs maybe)

same deal on the weekends really. he goes for 1.5-2.5hr naps during the day typically so that gives me a decent window to get out for a little bit.

with him we have gotten out a lot to. i have done a breakfast/lunch with girlfriends at least once a week - and we always eat outside and i cover him in the carseat. we have also gone out to dinner a handful of times.

i feel pretty mobile with him which is nice - and i start back to work one day a week next week. he will stay with his grandma. he is fairly content in the car seat - its just always an ordeal getting him in each time (adjusting straps etc).

also caved with the pacifier - which has been really helpful. we only give it to him when all else fails and he just really wants to comfort suck. it hasn't interfered with the BF at all (and we were having trouble with that from the start!)

[confustication]

Not #1 for me either.

I've been out quite a bit without him. I returned to work WITH him at 3 days post-partum. At about a month, I began leaving him with his dad if he was asleep when I left for the office- I work about a 30 second commute away, so if he wakes, DH calls so I can feed him.

Around here, we introduce the bottle pretty early because they have to be able to sitch back and forth. I'm the main 'breadwinner' and I do have to be out of the house a lot, and not every place I have to be is baby friendly. Luckily, I have an oversupply- it's a mixed blessing for a working mom. So I an express or pump and leave it for him, and my supply doesn't take a HUGE hit when I can't nurse or pump for a few hours.

I also will run to the store etc alone or with one or two of the other kids and leave him with his dad... we tend to take the 'divide and conquer' approach to the two littlest.

I have a fair amount of guilt about not being able to be permanently attached, but I also need to do what is best for the family as a whole. Since I have far greater earning potential, this means I work, and DH gets to be the SAHP. There are times we both would like to change roles, I mean- the grass is always greener on the other side, right? Overall though, it works well. DH is no more a 'babysitter' to our kids than I am. We are both very involved parents, and it really is a plus that we're both comfortable enough with every aspect of parenting that we can switch tasks without a hitch, and without the kids becoming distressed.

[darcytrue]

I've already been out a few times. DH works from home most of the time so he is happy to watch DD for me to go run errands or take one or both of my older children some place. I never stay gone for long and always arrange to go while she is napping so once she wakes up she isn't up for long before I get back hopefully.

I've been pumping since she was born so she is used to bottles as well as the breast.

Yep, I've gotten the "babysitting dad" comment a few times already.

I am planning to do a day out with my older DD in a week or two. I can't wait! DH wants us to have some time alone together, because even though I HS her I feel like we never have any time together anymore.

[ilovejeff]

I was gone for an hour last week to get a massage. Daddy gave Katie her first bottle while I was gone - which went great, but she went right back to the breast when I got home an had a marathon nursing session. I NEEDED the massage...but I thought about her the whole time and was happy to get home.

[texmati]

DH is super comfortable with the baby, so I've been out twice on my own for about an hour or so. I am terrifed, terrified of going out with the baby though. Especially without DH.