Originally Posted by lexbeach
I think the identity-release thing is of small consequence. It is nothing close to a happy medium between anonymous and known donors. And I would feel very wary of telling my kids that they'd get to meet the donor when they turned 18, not knowing who he was or if he'd really be interested in meeting them when the time came.
Very well said, Lex. I absolutely agree with you that willing-to-be-known AKA "open" AKA (and less problematically) ID release, has much more in common with anonymous donor than it does with KD.
I said as much above, Linda, suggesting "we need to be careful and ask ourselves if the fertility industry is making promises it can't keep with regard to willing to be known donors."
I should have said "ID Release Donors" because that's what the banks promise - they'll give any kids his name, and the most current contact info they have, which could be his current address, or it could be where he lived 25 years ago when he donated.
There is another option for those who want the legal protection, but hope to cultivate a relationship with the donor, Rainbow Flag Health Services releases donor IDs when the kid is born, I believe, and releases parent IDs to the donor when the kid is three months old. (Something like that, check with them.)
This is much more like the happy medium, but still not quite there.
One thing with known donors is the fear of donor fatigue - I've heard more people worry about it than seen it happen, but it is a concern. I know if things don't work out with my current KD, I don't think I have it in me to find another one.
I'm recently pregnant now, and hope to stay that way for the next nine months, but if I don't and he's not willing to go through another IVF cycle with me, I'll switch to anonymous sperm. I can't do this again, he's my second KD that I actually tried with, but I had three or so others who I had protracted conversations and negotiations with, and several that I had early conversations before one or both of us decided it wouldn't work.