Queer and Pregnant! Nov. Dec. and January 2009! - Page 5

[jjnoho]

congrats to you both megin and katie! very exciting news.

we had our first midwife appt yesterday at 8 weeks. i guess i was hoping to see a heart beat or something so a little disappointed. i was told no ultrasound at this point because there is no question about aging the little one since she knows exactly when she did the iuis!

our next dilemma is about testing options that we need to decide on soon. i think i am older than most on this board at 39 so maybe most of you are not in the position to have to think about options.

i was wondering if any of you had cvs/amnio thoughts or decisions? i'm not sure if having a statistical prediction is enough for me if we only do a nuchal translucency scan but not sure it is enough to overcome my concern about an invasive procedure. to add to my concerns, i called the hospital in my area that performs cvs and they won't release their numbers on # of procedures, miscarriages, etc.

how did those of you who made the decisions decide what to do? did any hospitals actually give out their stats?

[carmen358]

jjnoho, I'm 38 and will be 39 when this baby is born. I also chose to think about testing options related to "advanced maternal age." Up until last year, anyone over 35 was offered amniocentesis. I actually had an appointment set up last time I was pregnant but didn't go through with it because I miscarried before it was time. Both my partner and I decided that we wanted to know if we would be faced with any genetic disorders. I'm still not sure what we thought we would do when we found out but we talked about different options. This pregnancy we were with a midwife from the beginning who didn't even bring up any genetic screening/testing until I asked. She informed us that the age had been upped to 40 for amnio because age was not considered an accurate measurement on its own for determining risk of genetic defects. Both my GP (during pregnancy last year) and midwifes cautioned strongly against CVS, saying there were more risks with hitting limbs, etc. during the procedure. We had already decided last year that wasn't going to be an option for us. Our midwife told me that there was amazing testing available using bloodwork and ultrasound that would give a 90-95% accuracy of determining risk. I read a ton of research on it and it did indeed sound like a good option if we wanted to pursue early testing. So, we went ahead with the testing, again, not really knowing what we would do with the results at that point. Turns out the results gave me a very low risk and the genetic councilor who explains the results said they absolutely were advising us to not to any more testing as it really wasn't necessary. We decided immediately that that was it - because I really didn't know what I would want even if baby did have a genetic defect, the risk was so low, and everyone was telling us that further testing wasn't advised. Emotionally, it gave us both piece of mind...whether it is a false feeling of 'security' or not, it did allow us to move forward with the pregnancy and not worry about it too much. Of course, I still worry if baby will be healthy, etc. but it doesn't seem to be related to my age anymore.

Sorry for the rambling, I hope there is something in my experience that resonates with you!

[jjnoho]

Originally Posted by carmen358

Sorry for the rambling, I hope there is something in my experience that resonates with you!

thanks carmen. it absolutely resonated with me and helped me a great deal. it is a big decision to make. i hadn't heard anything like that about cvs but the procedure does concern me. thanks for your input.

[ktcl]

Well, I'm technically advanced maternal age at 36, which I find absurd by the way. Following 4 miscarriages, I'm in a slightly different boat about testing. But in my earlier pregnancy, before I miscarried, I felt that I didn't want to do the testing because I didn't want to spend the pregnancy worried or unhappy in any way. I understand that some folks feel it gives them more time to prepare for a special needs child. This time around, they did pre-implantation genetic testing during IVF as a way to minimize the miscarriage risk. It only recently hit me that that means I don't really have to do most of the other tests because they are related to genetics, and we have most of that info already now.

At 7 weeks now, feeling pretty good, with my occasional bouts of mild nausea. I described it to DW today as, "kind of like a mild hangover" and I can't feel too bad about it.

[indigoscot]

i was considered ama (37) when i was pregnant with our son. we were offered testing by our ob and refused it - we even had to sign a form saying we were declining. we did have the level ii u/s at 20 weeks.

the reason why we refused testing is because the early screening - nuchal translucency and the triple screen - are notorious for giving false positives. we had personal experience from friends who were told their children had issues - one was even told to abort - and went on to have perfectly healthy daughters.

my own sister, who was ama with her last son, was told by the nhs that she had an increased risk of downs (she had no idea what the tests were for and had them with her first 2 sons when she wasn't ama). she was freaked out and went ahead with the amnio because she wanted to know - and with 2 kids already, who could blame her? anyways, she went through weeks of stress and panic all for no reason. he didn't have downs, just her test results plus the ama factor bumped her into their statistical red zone.

while my dp is not ama, we refused all testing with this baby too and only had the level ii u/s at 20 weeks.

all this to say, if you wouldn't abort anyway, why put yourself through all the stress?

i hope that helps.

g

[painefaria]

Can I join We are due really late July but I am sure that I will be sometime in August. This is baby #2 we have a little boy who is 2.5. I am so excited to meet all of you!

[Beastie]

Welcome, Painefaria! And congrats on your new pregnancy. I hope this is a healthy and easy ride for you!

I've added you to the list; let me know if you'd like me to give you a more specific EDD.

ETA: It seems that the list at the start of the thread is a bit out of date: has anyone heard from the following folks?
Travelgirlz, due with twins October 10
Mads-a-Mama, due October 25
Deny Zoo29, due November 5

Let me know here or off list if you know what's up and want to give an update.

In the meantime, we have two very soon EDDs: Turtle's Momma and baby.fatty, how do you feel?

[baby.fatty]

Hi all -

I saw in my DDC that deny_zoo29 had her little girl, Dekaylee May Katherine Bond, on 10/29.

I am still plugging along... 39 weeks today and holding in there. No particular signs that labor is imminent, and I'm not yet actively trying to bring it on. I'm still going to work (I need the money! Though I'm not very productive!).

Even though I thought I was uncomfortable *before*, now I feel like I know what uncomfortable *really* is! I do have a massage scheduled in an hour which I am hoping will work a miracle on my back.

I'll keep y'all posted... Hope all of you are hanging in there too!

[Beastie]

Thanks, Baby.Fatty! And belated congrats to Denny_Zoo and Dekaylee!

Still looking for word on Travelgirlz and Mads-a-Mama...

Hope you feel more comfy soon, Baby.Fatty!

[starling&diesel]

Originally Posted by jjnoho

i was wondering if any of you had cvs/amnio thoughts or decisions?

how did those of you who made the decisions decide what to do?

Hi ... dropping in to give my two cents worth. First, congratulations on the pregnancy. So exciting!

We didn't do any tests. I was 33 at the time. If we have another child, I'll likely be 38 or so, and we'd still make the same decision not to test. Our reasoning was that the results are far from 100% accurate, and wouldn't have affected our decision to carry to term, which we were going to do no matter what. I would suggest thinking about how any potential results would affect your thinking, and then go from there.

[Beastie]

Hi all,

I am writing with some bad news; we had a followup ultrasound today, and, though we saw the heartbeat and lots of movement, the doctor was fairly certain that this fetus has a problem called acrania, where it has a normal brain but no skull (trigger warning: don't google this unless you're prepared to see some pretty awful images). If this is the case, the fetus won't be viable and we will have to terminate. We go back for another ultrasound, on different equipment and with a different doctor, on Tuesday, and there is a slight chance that things will look better, but we are not too optimistic.

Obviously, we are pretty devastated. Other than the acrania, it's a perfectly healthy pregnancy, so I have this bad news plus all the rest of the first trimester mess.

Though there's still the possibility that things could work out, I think it would be best if someone else could take over the thread for the duration? Please let me know here or by PM if you're able to take it on.

With love,
Beastie

[carmen358]

Oh, Beastie I am so sorry. I hope there is a chance that things turn around. Take care.

[wishin'&hopin']

Oh Beastie...

And, thank you for your kind and compassionate warning about googling acrania.

[FtMPapa]

Beastie

I hope you get some definitive answers soon, and that you have all the support you need in this difficult time.

[jjnoho]

oh beastie...i have no words to offer but sorry. i hope you and dp have some wonderful supports available to you this weekend.

we had decided that i would take over the next thread after you, so i might as well step up and do it now. just let me know what needs to be done - or someone else since beastie might not want to have to deal with that at this time.

[megincl]

beastie -- I am so very sorry to hear this. I hope that you are surrounded by love and care in these days.

be well,
megin

[indigoscot]

oh no beastie - i hope the doctor is wrong and your wee bean is perfectly healthy. many hugs to you.

g

[pleasantlyfurious]

Beatie. I'm so sorry to hear this. I'll be hoping for better news from your next appointment and sending you the best of vibes.

[kjm]

Beastie I'm very sorry that you have received such news. I'm wishing you a mountain of support and lots of love.

[AngelaM]

Beastie. I hope that good news is ahead. Either way, you're in my thoughts.