Hello, (I posted this in the 'lurkers' thread but I might get more responses here.)
I'm due in a month and we are having a surprise baby
so we have been thinking a lot about the pros and unfortunately cons of each gender lol. I am from Canada where circ is not so common anymore but I'm living in WA with my DH who is a US citizen and it seems as though the entire population around here has a pro-circ mentality. We planned to have the baby in Canada but I'm not allowed to leave the US while the green card process is underway and so it looks like we are having it here now.
I brought up the circ issue with DH when we first found out I was pregnant and it was the most heated argument we have ever had. I told him that under no circumstances will our son (if it is a boy) be circ'd. His main argument for circ'ing is his religious beliefs which I believe is his way of winning the argument as there is no real rebuttal against that. In the end and after many words, he agreed to leave it up to our child. My argument was that it is not our decision to change or alter in any way that which belongs to the body it is attached to, not ours. I told him that if our son wanted it done later on that I would be happy to take him provided he knows that is actually what he wants (and I will stand by that, after all it would be his decision). So we never talked about it again after that.
A little backround....My IL's have felt from the beginning that they have a say as to what happens with 'their' grandchildren. Everything from handing us a list of BOYS names that they 'approve' of, to parenting choices, to toys, to colours for the baby's room lol. They live 20 min away and they drive me nuts (that's putting it nicely). It's gotten to the point where I dread every interaction with these people.
Well, last weekend they brought up circumcision. I don't even remember how they brought it up but we were sitting at the dinner table and MIL says:
"It's definitely best to do it to them when they are babies and don't know any better" I was floored!
My reply: "Well that won't be a problem anyway"
FIL: "What do you mean?"
Me: "We won't be circ'ing"
MIL and FIL: "WHAT!? You can't do that! You NEED to circ!"
Me: "Um, no we don't. We have already discussed this and I don't feel it's necessary to put a baby through that kind of pain"
MIL: "They don't remember anyway and it's not like they feel it"
FIL: "You HAVE to do it! All boys need to be circ'd and it prevents HIV and other things!"
Me: "Actually no it doesn't. I have done A LOT of research on this and it's not medically necessary! In Canada you have a hard time finding a doctor in a lot of places who will perform one anymore, And it's even more rare in many European countries."
MIL looking at me like I'm from another planet...
FIL: "Well it's not like Canada blah blah blah" Something about Canada being a third world country basically.....I'm not kidding.
FIL: "That's disgusting! It's DIRTY!"
Me: "It was put there for a damn reason and there is no way I'm cutting it off and that's that!"
FIL: "My grandson blah blah blah......" he mumbled it and I couldn't hear.
Meanwhile my DH is looking at me like I have just talked back to God Almighty himself. I was left feeling completely isolated and I almost wanted to cry. The rest of the night wasn't quite the same. Everyone was uncomfortable.
I think I know what I'm going to say if they EVER decide to bring it up again but I'm having issues with everything else too. I do not want them to be a big part of my life and some part of me is worried that they will be a huge influence on their son (my DH). Has anyone else had issues about defending your decision(s) to your IL's? How would you handle this? Would you bring it up or let them bring it up again? They give me a headache lol.
I'm due in a month and we are having a surprise baby
so we have been thinking a lot about the pros and unfortunately cons of each gender lol. I am from Canada where circ is not so common anymore but I'm living in WA with my DH who is a US citizen and it seems as though the entire population around here has a pro-circ mentality. We planned to have the baby in Canada but I'm not allowed to leave the US while the green card process is underway and so it looks like we are having it here now.I brought up the circ issue with DH when we first found out I was pregnant and it was the most heated argument we have ever had. I told him that under no circumstances will our son (if it is a boy) be circ'd. His main argument for circ'ing is his religious beliefs which I believe is his way of winning the argument as there is no real rebuttal against that. In the end and after many words, he agreed to leave it up to our child. My argument was that it is not our decision to change or alter in any way that which belongs to the body it is attached to, not ours. I told him that if our son wanted it done later on that I would be happy to take him provided he knows that is actually what he wants (and I will stand by that, after all it would be his decision). So we never talked about it again after that.
A little backround....My IL's have felt from the beginning that they have a say as to what happens with 'their' grandchildren. Everything from handing us a list of BOYS names that they 'approve' of, to parenting choices, to toys, to colours for the baby's room lol. They live 20 min away and they drive me nuts (that's putting it nicely). It's gotten to the point where I dread every interaction with these people.
Well, last weekend they brought up circumcision. I don't even remember how they brought it up but we were sitting at the dinner table and MIL says:
"It's definitely best to do it to them when they are babies and don't know any better" I was floored!
My reply: "Well that won't be a problem anyway"
FIL: "What do you mean?"
Me: "We won't be circ'ing"
MIL and FIL: "WHAT!? You can't do that! You NEED to circ!"
Me: "Um, no we don't. We have already discussed this and I don't feel it's necessary to put a baby through that kind of pain"
MIL: "They don't remember anyway and it's not like they feel it"
FIL: "You HAVE to do it! All boys need to be circ'd and it prevents HIV and other things!"
Me: "Actually no it doesn't. I have done A LOT of research on this and it's not medically necessary! In Canada you have a hard time finding a doctor in a lot of places who will perform one anymore, And it's even more rare in many European countries."
MIL looking at me like I'm from another planet...
FIL: "Well it's not like Canada blah blah blah" Something about Canada being a third world country basically.....I'm not kidding.
FIL: "That's disgusting! It's DIRTY!"
Me: "It was put there for a damn reason and there is no way I'm cutting it off and that's that!"
FIL: "My grandson blah blah blah......" he mumbled it and I couldn't hear.
Meanwhile my DH is looking at me like I have just talked back to God Almighty himself. I was left feeling completely isolated and I almost wanted to cry. The rest of the night wasn't quite the same. Everyone was uncomfortable.
I think I know what I'm going to say if they EVER decide to bring it up again but I'm having issues with everything else too. I do not want them to be a big part of my life and some part of me is worried that they will be a huge influence on their son (my DH). Has anyone else had issues about defending your decision(s) to your IL's? How would you handle this? Would you bring it up or let them bring it up again? They give me a headache lol.
). It takes two to argue and eventually it will sink in.
. My IL's weren't too excited about 'our' (ie my) decision to leave ds intact. Dh wasn't on board at first, but I left literature out for him, showed him my reasoning and eventually by the time ds was born, he understood where I was coming from and was supportive. We are not religious so I don't have much advice for you there, but I believe there are plenty of sites dedicated to specific religious arguments if you need them. It is no longer an issue with the IL's now that they see he's happy & healthy and what not. We also made it clear that it wasn't up for discussion. If they continually bring it up, tell them that you "have heard their opinion, respect that it is different, but please stop bringing it up because our minds are made up and I want to enjoy your visits, not spend them arguing. Let's agree to disagree. Please pass the bean dip." Repeat for other parenting disputes (b-fing, vaxing, co-sleeping). Your IL's most likely will ease up over time when they see 'their' grand-baby is doing fine, and by leading by example, you might even change their minds 
) but I tend to think her husband (not my bio-granddad) isn't he's Italian, born in Italy.
Sounds like hard people to deal with. I would just end the conversation like others have said. If the "benefits" are so great, he can make that choice as an adult, when he has access to proper pain meds, and he KNOWS what he's giving up.
