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*~*'~* November Dating Thread *~*'~* How proactive are you when it comes to finding prospects? - Page 6

post #101 of 276
Butterfly Squash partner either got back yesterday morning or the morning before, *I think.* It's an overnight flight, so it gets confusing, and honestly, I'm a little foggy b/c he travels quite a bit, so keeping track is tough. I think he's traveling again on Sunday - but not internationally. I would read Hunter's mention of marriage as a good, very up front thing (though you were there, and know better). Maybe he just wants to be frank - hey, I'm hoping to get married and have kids, to give potential girlfriends the option to back out if that's definitely not a possibility for them.
post #102 of 276
YES, Danishmom, I want the scoop as well. And congratulations!!

Butterfly, I LOVE the idea of taking him disco bowling!

Welcome!! to all the new "faces", I love to see this group grow

I have been emailing with someone who has snagged my attention, quite unexpectedly. He is the first childless man to express interest in my children, in a way that feels genuine, and doesn't send off my (very sensitive) possible child molester alarms.

I'm a bit smitten, all butterflies and such. We will meet in person on Sunday. Thursday would have worked, with our schedules, but it would have been very time limited, and we both wanted a more leisurely meeting.

Cross your fingers for me, Chickies, I'm cautiously optimistic about this one! Picture available privately. He's not classically handsome, more rough around the edges, woodsy, weathered...I like it.

And Butterfly, I don't remember if in the pic you saw he had them on, but he has total nerd glasses, thick black frames. So, if I don't click with him, I'll put him (and his glasses) on a plane to Finland!
post #103 of 276
Well... he left this early, early am for a whirlwind guy's weekend motorcycle tour to Vegas/Grand Canyon, so I haven't seen him or spoken with him on the phone since our date on Wednesday.

But, we have been texting off and on since our date. He has been crazy busy trying to get ready for this weekend.

The coolest thing, though, is that he has texted me 3 times today, since leaving for his guy's weekend motorcycle tour!!!

I don't know. We'll see. It is fun and I am enjoying myself... that is all I want right now.
post #104 of 276
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
he made a few remarks about being a family man in a big way and hoping for more children and lots of grand kids one day and asked how I felt about more kids, if I wanted them.... he seems like he's falling in love with me fast and even said half-kidding that he hopes he remarries, and with me.
You know, I have dated men that have said very similar things in the very beginning. But, I ALWAYS take them with a grain of salt.

People get really caught up in the early emotions of excitement when first connecting with someone. Pheromones often play a huge part in that.

Remember: actions always speak louder than words.
post #105 of 276
Thread Starter 

So,

Well yeah, I am more worried that he is serious than worried that he's not not.
post #106 of 276
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
Well yeah, I am more worried that he is serious than worried that he's not not.
Yes, that was how I understood your last post. But, I think Hollands word still ring true -- people get caught up in the moment, and say all kinds of wild things. Perhaps he is at his house, right now, thinking "Oh, crap, I opened my big mouth and scared away the most amazing woman. Why am I so stupid!"

I think he's got promise. I'm liking the older men thing

So, girls, help me out here. I've got this coffee date tomorrow, with my as-of-yet unnickamed guy. Usually a coffee thing (for me at least) would be during the week, so I'd be wearing whatever I wore to work that day -- of course, when choosing what to wear I'd be thinking of the date, and trying to pick something with a bit of personality, but it wouldn't be too hard, since I'd be choosing from one of my basic "wear to work" type outfits.

So what do I wear to a Sunday morning coffee date? At this point, I'm leaning towards jeans, clogs, and my favorite sweater (black, big cowl neck, 3/4 length sleeves), minimal makeup. Very casual. A Sunday morning doesn't seem to lend itself to more than that. And I'm a pretty casual, mimimal make up kind of girl (and the pics I've sent him certainly reflect that) so it seems like it would be odd to do more.

BUT...it is still a first date, and I want to look GOOD. What do you think?
post #107 of 276
sugarmoon,

Wear the clogs and jeans, but make sure the shirt is something comfy yet flattering (maybe show off your boobs or figure? Maybe wear a tiny bit more makeup than usual. But you are beautiful anyways!

You know, if he doesn't like you as you are, then it's his loss.
post #108 of 276
Sugarmoon - I think casual is fine, but make sure you look your best! Does that outfit flatter you? You want to be you, but also the *best* you! When I go on a casual date, I start with what I might normally wear if I were meeting friends, and then do something a little extra, to make ME feel a little more special/pretty/excited than usual. A touch more makeup, slightly dressier jeans, etc. I have a pretty black velvet jacket that I can throw over jeans & a sweater that dresses up the outfit just a bit without being over the top or trying too hard.
post #109 of 276
Thanks, Holly. That is pretty much what I'm thinking.
post #110 of 276
Ok ladies, so I'm thinking I need to be a bit more responsive to the guys who are contacting me online. I've responded to VERY few (two actually). I think I should loosen my standards a bit. A lot of my hesitation is that I am so pressed for time that I'm reluctant to invest time in guys I'm not really interested. As I type that I realize this is a bit silly - clinking on the wink button isn't exactly going to overflow my calendar!!

Some of the things I'm looking for are - geographical proximity (I live in a major metropolitan area, the traffic can be brutal, I'm not driving or taking trains for an hour to meet for coffee), age (no younger than me), and a reasonably successful career (I really got burned being the breadwinner & paying off my X's debt, putting him through school, etc - I will absolutely not do it again).

So, those of you who do online dating - how do you approach contacting or responding? Do you have criteria for who you'll open a conversation with? A guy contacted me last night who says he's a part-time CIA operative?? Is he for real? In his photo he's wearing a Navy t-shirt...
post #111 of 276
Hi mamas,

I'm feeling kind of touched by posting here since I was on the dating thread from before I met my boyfriend - now fiance - four years ago. Reading the dating thread always gave me so much hope after the divorce I went through.

So about the wedding and what lead up to it. We had been apart for three months because he was unsure about wanting more kids. After about a month we started communicating a bit here and there and he kept telling me how much he missed me. Then we talked on the phone on my sons birthday three weeks ago. Two weeks ago he came over to take my DS out and spend some time with him and afterwards he kept crying for days because he wanted me back and didn't quite now how to approach the subject since I was dating someone else.

And then ten days ago he asked me if we could meet and talk and so we did. It was really complecated because I was in a new relationship with a really really sweet guy. Prior to meeting he had written a lot of very long emails about how he felt concerning more kids. When we met it didn't take long for me to realize that I wanted to continue the relationship. He was going to spain the next day - he has a house there and had bougth the ticket a few months back. He asked me if I could come with him and he bought the ticket. We had the best time ever and is so much in love it's almost funny. After three days together in spain he proposed and I accepted within one or two seconds. I wasn't really surprised that he did propose despite the fact that he always said that he didn't want to get married, but since he was so in love - to the point where he was crying from happiness here and there, I wasn't surprised.

We will be moving into his appartment in 3-4 weeks. My ds is used to being there a lot and can't wait. My fiance has a 13 yo son and our sons love each other so much. My family is so happy about it so there is so much joy and happiness all around.

We are buying the engagement rings on thursday. In Denmark both the man and the woman wears rings. It's really exitcing to talk about all the things that comes with a wedding (and buying a house). (Though I won't be wearing a typical white wedding dress and I want to keep the wedding as small as possible - the thought of a big wedding makes me really nervous and uncomfortable and I'm afraid I wouldn't enjoy the wedding much if that was the case). We are getting married in a church and wont be more than 25 people there. We will probably have the reception at this great tapas restaurant I know. My bridesmaid (and my best friend) will be our very own lovely butterflymom She will be in charge of my hair and what not.

If anyone has links to places where you can get really nice dresses then please post them. I'm thinking about getting a silk dress - knee length with 3/4 sleeves - possibly red. Wedding links (non-traditionel weddings) would be greatly appreciated as well.

So I'm extremely happy these days but it's been so tough to break up with the new boyfriend. He is in a shitty place right now.

Thanks for reading mamas.

That was pretty much it.
post #112 of 276
Congratulations, DanishMom!!! I wish you all the very, very best!
post #113 of 276
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
Yes, that was how I understood your last post. But, I think Hollands word still ring true -- people get caught up in the moment, and say all kinds of wild things. Perhaps he is at his house, right now, thinking "Oh, crap, I opened my big mouth and scared away the most amazing woman. Why am I so stupid!"

I think he's got promise. I'm liking the older men thing

So, girls, help me out here. I've got this coffee date tomorrow, with my as-of-yet unnickamed guy. Usually a coffee thing (for me at least) would be during the week, so I'd be wearing whatever I wore to work that day -- of course, when choosing what to wear I'd be thinking of the date, and trying to pick something with a bit of personality, but it wouldn't be too hard, since I'd be choosing from one of my basic "wear to work" type outfits.

So what do I wear to a Sunday morning coffee date? At this point, I'm leaning towards jeans, clogs, and my favorite sweater (black, big cowl neck, 3/4 length sleeves), minimal makeup. Very casual. A Sunday morning doesn't seem to lend itself to more than that. And I'm a pretty casual, mimimal make up kind of girl (and the pics I've sent him certainly reflect that) so it seems like it would be odd to do more.

BUT...it is still a first date, and I want to look GOOD. What do you think?
Jeans and a really really nice top of some sort. A simple skirt or a simple dress would be my choice though but then again I wear dresses and skirts more often than jeans. And make up - light foundation, a tiny bit of lip gloss (nothing too shiny though) and mascara. A tiny bit of colour on your eye brows if they need it. Make up is really important but it has to be very natural. No eye shadow or heavy lipstick or blusher.

I like rosehip's suggestion about a jacket - but again it has to be very casual.
post #114 of 276
ooooooooooh ooooooooooooooh ooooooooooooh danishmom. i am sooo excited for you.

when i was reading you dont want to wear white, immediately a red silk dress in grace kelly or jackie oanasis or audrey hepburn came to mind. and then i read you wanted to wear red. the whole time the feelings from teh movie mama mia was going thru my mind. its going to be FANTASTIC - no matter what you wear or where you eat.

and i looooooooooooooove teh idea that men wear engagement rings in denmark. how great is that!!!!! esp. here in the US there is something v. special to me to see some men willing to wear their wedding ring when mostly they dont.

oh boy your whole story is sooooo romantic. i could totally see it making a great movie.

post #115 of 276
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
ooooooooooh ooooooooooooooh ooooooooooooh danishmom. i am sooo excited for you.

when i was reading you dont want to wear white, immediately a red silk dress in grace kelly or jackie oanasis or audrey hepburn came to mind. and then i read you wanted to wear red. the whole time the feelings from teh movie mama mia was going thru my mind. its going to be FANTASTIC - no matter what you wear or where you eat.

and i looooooooooooooove teh idea that men wear engagement rings in denmark. how great is that!!!!! esp. here in the US there is something v. special to me to see some men willing to wear their wedding ring when mostly they dont.

oh boy your whole story is sooooo romantic. i could totally see it making a great movie.

Thank you holland73 and meemee. Yes, it is sort of romantic and the break up has really made us greatful that we are together again. We have always been in love during those four years - we never got tired of being together - not even remotely. He is the only man I've been with where I keep thinking he is getting more and more beautiful. I find him even more attractive than when we first met. And that combined with being best friends makes for a great relationship.

About the dress you are absolutely right. Grace Kelly, Jackie Onassis and Audrey Hepburn is an inspiration. The dress I have in mind is very much like my mom's wedding dress from the early sixties. But where to find it??? And butterflymom does the best french braid ever and will be brading my hair for the wedding. I have really long hair and that way I won't have to think about my hair at all + it's been known to attract guys before ;-) I'll do my own make up. I want it pretty natural and I think most make up artist would make it too heavy for my fair skin and my liking.

Yeah, it is very different here with the rings. He can't wait to get his and show it off at work! I can't wait to show mine as well.
post #116 of 276
Thread Starter 

So,

DM, major congratulations. I am totally excited to help with your wedding and honored to share the day with you. As I reminded you on the phone last night, I you!
post #117 of 276
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
DM, major congratulations. I am totally excited to help with your wedding and honored to share the day with you. As I reminded you on the phone last night, I you!
And I love you too. I can't wait for you and Klaus to finally meet. And my mom will love you too :-)
post #118 of 276
danishmama, when is the wedding? how much time do you have? i wonder if there is a mama here who wouldnt mind sewing your wedding dress for you here on MDC. i would offer (yeah i do sew and make my own patterns like many mamas here) but i am upto my eyeballs in things to do.

also can you look at pictures and see the kind of dress you want. and then we can all help you look i guess it wouldnt be hard to do.

oh gosh yes!!! any makeup person cant resist over makeup.
post #119 of 276
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
danishmama, when is the wedding? how much time do you have? i wonder if there is a mama here who wouldnt mind sewing your wedding dress for you here on MDC. i would offer (yeah i do sew and make my own patterns like many mamas here) but i am upto my eyeballs in things to do.

also can you look at pictures and see the kind of dress you want. and then we can all help you look i guess it wouldnt be hard to do.

oh gosh yes!!! any makeup person cant resist over makeup.
That is a great idea. I was thinking about having the dress made but I was a bit weary about the price since we will also be buying a house and having a baby within a year and I will be working part time (15 hours a week) for the first three years or not working at all.

The wedding will be in july or august next year. That is the safe choice when it comes to weather here in Denmark.
post #120 of 276
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosehip View Post
So, those of you who do online dating - how do you approach contacting or responding? Do you have criteria for who you'll open a conversation with? A guy contacted me last night who says he's a part-time CIA operative?? Is he for real? In his photo he's wearing a Navy t-shirt...
:Puke Yeah I'm sure actual CIA operatives tell people they don't know about it on the internet. : Run far far away from that loser.
Yeah I have criteria. If someone has a cool profile, I'll be receptive to their emails and even email them a one line greeting/salutation (but never automated winks/messages, always a few words of my own and I always ignore winks/automatically-generated-phrases), and if they don't peak my interest at all I ignore. This means men under 6' get ignored, men without degrees get ignored, men not in my city, etc... it ain't fair and it ain't pretty but it isn't my charity work in life, it's finding someone I want to sleep next to and it's not fair and totally subjective and my call.



Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
I think he's got promise. I'm liking the older men thing

And I'm a pretty casual, mimimal make up kind of girl (and the pics I've sent him certainly reflect that) so it seems like it would be odd to do more.

BUT...it is still a first date, and I want to look GOOD. What do you think?
I'm liking the older guy thing too. Then I realize I'd be a 37 year old girlfriend/wife helping to throw his 50th birthday party and that sounds odd. Eh, not that odd. : It's not like he's losing his hair, short, or small. (yes I'm cruelly superficial and only like very tall, broad shouldered men that make me feel delicate and feminine in comparison, who don't suffer from receeding hairlines and have lush, thick hair. I'm a gene-hunting nazi when it comes to who I want to blend my DNA with for potential future offspring, perhaps but it's all subconscious and only discovered after tons of anecdotal evidence produced a convincing trend, in retrospect so forgive me for finally just addmitting/embracing it rather than living in denial about it).

You do wanna look good. I second the advice about carefully applied makeup, but makeup that is hard to detect. Eye makeup that makes your lashes and eyes stand out and perhaps even line/fill your lips as well in a color that isn't too far away from your own but just makes them stand out more noticably, and look a hair fuller, and a good job with moisturizer and follow dab of fresh and non-cakey-looking foundation to give your skin a smooth, even, healthy glowing sort of look. I have this Shisedo foundation stick in an oversized-lipstick-tube sort of thing that i stumbled upon while kililng time in an airport cosmetics section on a layover that when I swipe it across my T-zone simply looks like I'm using an eraser to erase any discoloration whatsoever without the makeup itself being detectable, it blends in so perfectly to my pale, golden skin color. It's awesome for just under the eyes near the nose, the lids themselves as a base for eyeshadow to stick, and any past or present blemish whatsoever and to give me a flawless, even complexion elsewhere. But you really can't see it and it doesn't settle into lines around my eyes and mouth adding extra years to my face like some foundation does (making nearly imperceptible fine lines look quite perceptible, making me hate that foundation and prefer to go naked-faced and young looking than made-up and older!!). Do your eyebrows, find the right skin/lip and even eyeshadow colors (neutral, lighter tones of course, and contoured on your lid following the way that your lid naturally IS darker in certain areas--just play that up with a very light touch and fluffy eye shadow applicator brush and you can make it look natural and not obvious) ......and you can do the made-up-without-looking-like-you're-wearing-makeup look so when you look in the mirror you get a jolt of confidence and are ready to show that man your face and flash your most relaxed smile because of how 'on' you feel.

Outfit wise, go with the top and bottoms (and shoes) that are the most figure flattering you have, so you walk as tall (with as straight posture) as possible, from confidence. Standing up tall with shoulders back (without looking like an arrogant catwalk-wannabe of course) does more for your look than any other quick fix I can possibly recommend. Try to wear something that makes you feel yourself, but feminine, and you'll move like a lady and feel like one, head held high.
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