*~*'~* November Dating Thread *~*'~* How proactive are you when it comes to finding prospects? - Page 7

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by DanishMom

If anyone has links to places where you can get really nice dresses then please post them. I'm thinking about getting a silk dress - knee length with 3/4 sleeves - possibly red. Wedding links (non-traditionel weddings) would be greatly appreciated as well.

http://www.poshgirlvintage.com/1950s...ess-p-739.html

ask and you shall receive.


More ideas:

http://www.poshgirlvintage.com/1950s...ss-p-1255.html maybe with a jacket, if you'd feel exposed?

not red but nice:

http://www.poshgirlvintage.com/1950s...ess-p-249.html

I like this: http://www.poshgirlvintage.com/1950s...-set-p-14.html

and I want to wear this: http://www.poshgirlvintage.com/1970s...ss-p-1138.html

but back to you. http://www.antiquedress.com/item5125.htm

wild card option in green: http://www.antiquedress.com/item5083.htm

you could rip off the bow and shorten the sleeves: http://www.antiquedress.com/item6599.htm

this looks really YOU: http://www.antiquedress.com/item6625.htm


That's all for now. Are you vomiting over there or kinda dig something? :

[sugarmoon]

Ya'll are cracking me up on the make up. Gals, I'm don't have time to go to a cosmetics counter, buy all those things, and learn to use 'em before tommorrow morning!

I own: mascara, liner, lipstick, and foundation. The foundation isn't great, but neither is my skin...

I'll see how I feel in the morning.

Just for reference, about half the time I wear no make up, and about half the time I wear just mascara. Once or twice a week I wear lipstick, and if I'm going out, I sometimes use the foundation. I almost never use the eyeliner.

I wish I could find my favorite earrings though. I *might* have time to buy myself a new pair of earrings in the morning.

Anyway, remember, gals, I live in rural New England. I'm far from the only one to skip make up most of the time, and like I said, all the pics I've sent him were make-up free, hanging around the house with the kids type of pics so I'm not too worried about it.

I think I've won him over with my brilliant mind already, anyway

I'll update tomorrow night...

[AlwaysByMySide]

Hey guys - been 'out of the saddle' for a few months, and accidentally landed right back into it.

On a whim (and a couple of glasses of wine, if I remember correctly), I made a profile on a free dating website. Eharmony (which I only used on free communication weekend, and would be really ticked if I paid for) has been dead end after dead end, and I decided to go with free. Even though my profile is EXTREMELY detailed and specific about what I am looking for, I've gotten 99% duds, which isn't surprising. (For instance, I'm a big stickler about people being able to spell most/all of the words they are typing correctly. This isn't that hard to do, and it can be run through MS Word spell check before sending, right? I had a guy who is apparently an RN, studying to be a nurse practitioner, but he couldn't spell practitioner correctly. And that was going to be his profession. SIGH.)

I digress...so I get this random note a few weeks ago, and it turned into a daily back and forth message between me and the guy. He's up front about the fact that he works a LOT, but that if he found the right girl, he'd be willing to work on the balance. (We're talking, works a full 8 hours, plus travel time, which is sometimes 2 hours each way, and then gets home and sends out emails until 11pm. He's a medical something-or-other salesman. Not pharmaceuticals, I think it's medical "stuff".) I don't know how you go from working more than 12 hours a day, to being able to balance that with a significant other.

The first contact via the website was a few days before Halloween. Our messages got too long and were getting cut off by the website, so we've since moved to email. The messages going back and forth are longish...if you printed them out, I'd say it'd be about one page - single spaced - a day. He mentioned a couple of weeks ago that "maybe we could get together for coffee one day" to trade crazy ex stories, and I kept hinting to being okay with that, and finally, last week, I just out and said, "When are we getting together for coffee?"

First, he says he wants to talk on the phone before we meet up, to make sure I'm not a serial killer. (Which, after almost three weeks of emailing, you'd think he would have figured that out by now, but the last semi-prospect wanted to go on a date before we had talked about anything at ALL, so I'll give this one credit for doing his homework.) He's also got a bunch of work projects due before Thanksgiving, fine, I understand that. He already had plans for this Saturday to watch football (even though the game didn't start until 7:00, so he had ALL day...) Next week is Thanksgiving, and I'm going out of town and so is he, so it's either going to happen this coming weekend, or sometime in December. Which is annoying, but what can you do? However, if I was his girlfriend, I wouldn't put up with not seeing him for an entire month, you know?

I gave him my phone number in my last email, which was on Thursday. Nothing since then. Which I can't really say is unusual, because the same thing happened last weekend, I think he's not really an email/internet-y person, so it's likely he hasn't even checked his email. (Which I know can't just be annoying to me...am I the only one who checks email constantly looking for a response?) and I figured once we MET, or at least talked on the phone, I wouldn't have to go three days without any contact. (I'm also very specific in my profile that I'm slightly high-maintenance in the attention department, and think that if you are in a relationship with someone, you at least make some sort of contact with them once a day. And for a daily back and forth to just all of a sudden stop...it's annoying, because the emails make him sound like he's into me, but if he was THAT into me, wouldn't he want to jump on sending something back? I just went back into our string of emails, and what I said to him directly - in relation to a different topic - was "There is a difference between not wanting to be an afterthought, and being needy, and I make no apologies for wanting attention.")

But now I'm annoyed, and when he sends me something at this point, I'm ready to just tell him that he shouldn't go around contacting people on dating websites if he has no intention of actually dating them. He's made several comments about not ever 'meeting' someone like me, etc., so I don't think he's just stringing me along. I don't want to be someone's pen pal, and I really do think that we 'click', so I don't want to run him off, but don't like lack of communication.

He is otherwise - on paper - pretty much everything I'd be looking for. I think it would be strange to just come out and say, "Hey, haven't even met you yet, but you have got to keep me happy in the communication department or this isn't going to work." So, I'm in limbo there. Am I being needy?

In related news - my friends tried to set me up with a guy, who they told me was "quirky, like you, but not the same quirkiness as you," which I'm not sure was a compliment. Said he's very nice, an engineer, so he makes a lot of money. (Not a necessity, but nice to have.) They invited him to a monthly dinner party that we have at their house (he's never been invited to it before), and he's really just not my cup of tea. Slightly lacking in the social skills department. I can't picture myself wanting to cuddle up with him on a couch or anything. Nice guy though. Problem is, I have to figure out a way to break it to the friends that I have no interest.

Other than those two, I've got a whole lot of nothing.

[JohnnysGirl]

So,

Email relationships are just not for me. Having a pen pal can be nice but I've been there done that and frankly,....got the tshirt and don't need any more. I use internet correspondence, meaning notes exchanged and photos, to determine if any deal breakers exist (idiocy/lack-of-spelling-or-grammar-or-punctuation, a face I find repulsive, a smile/smirk I find arrogant, lack of accomplishment/drive, or personality flaw) and then, if all checks out, to schedule a brief meeting, asap. Period. There is no longer any interest inside of me whatsoever to develop online relationships with men. There are FAR too many time wasters out there, and skillful ones who get you emotionally involved before meeting live. The success rate, in my experience, of these interesting, interesting beginnings on the internet panning out into anything in real life, as miniscule. I take everything with less than a grain of salt until I am face to face with a man who gives me butterflies, and only then do I consider it 'on the radar' in any real, non-hypothetical way. I don't allow myself to spend any amount of time obsessing over a guy I haven't met and I'm practically pathological about that. The temptation exists. But it's usually a fruitless energy suck.

[sugarmoon]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

Email relationships are just not for me. Having a pen pal can be nice but I've been there done that and frankly,....got the tshirt and don't need any more. I use internet correspondence, meaning notes exchanged and photos, to determine if any deal breakers exist (idiocy/lack-of-spelling-or-grammar-or-punctuation, a face I find repulsive, a smile/smirk I find arrogant, lack of accomplishment/drive, or personality flaw) and then, if all checks out, to schedule a brief meeting, asap. Period. There is no longer any interest inside of me whatsoever to develop online relationships with men. There are FAR too many time wasters out there, and skillful ones who get you emotionally involved before meeting live. The success rate, in my experience, of these interesting, interesting beginnings on the internet panning out into anything in real life, as miniscule. I take everything with less than a grain of salt until I am face to face with a man who gives me butterflies, and only then do I consider it 'on the radar' in any real, non-hypothetical way. I don't allow myself to spend any amount of time obsessing over a guy I haven't met and I'm practically pathological about that. The temptation exists. But it's usually a fruitless energy suck.

Yes, this.

Although I am not yet as good as Butterfly as getting that brief meeting going asap. I have my meeting with no-nickname (if he's a keeper after I meet him, I'll give him one) this morning, and in the time between Thursday (when we could have done a quicky coffee date, but that's all) and today, when we have time to linger (but now I'm afraid, how will I get myself outta there if I don't want to!), things have progressed quite quickly in the way that they can with email -- in a way that creates a level of intimacy, but also leaves huge gaping holes in the information exchanged.

We'll see.

It is a balance for me, because I have *so* little time to date, that I like to be sure I've done enough email exchange to be sure I really do want to meet.

It's a fine line.

[AlwaysByMySide]

Originally Posted by sugarmoon

It is a balance for me, because I have *so* little time to date, that I like to be sure I've done enough email exchange to be sure I really do want to meet.

This is exactly it. My stbx doesn't ever have the kids, and they are both under 5 and not in school yet, so to arrange any sort of meeting, I have to find a sitter and do the whole thing. I want to know if there is anything in common first, a few emails back and forth is fine, but I think I'm going to just tell him that I already said I wasn't into being an afterthought, and while I think we have a lot in common, he's clearly got too much on his plate to think of adding a girl into the mix. It's just irritating that I finally found someone that I really clicked with, and it's going to pan out to nothing, and it's not because we don't click. Bleh.

[JohnnysGirl]

So,

But.... not to negate your valid frustration, you two haven't 'clicked' yet. : Take my tough love advice with a grain of salt, if you want, but my stance stays firm about online connections. So in my opinion, what happened was that your reaction to what he chose to write in emails to you clicked, inside your head, with what you interpret his reaction to what you chose to write to him. And that's all. I know that it's enough to get your emotions invested and your feelings bruised, and as someone who's been there, I'm sorry.

sugarmoon is right about how email contact can quickly build false intimacy and how dangerous that is to all but those with the thickest skins.

There's enough disappointment inherent in dating even with my cautious rules, why increase risk of disappointment?
I'm still stinging from being blown off after just a couple of hours , combined, flirting on a train with shy lawyer and a half a dozen or so text messages, so not even holding out for actual, live, clicking via eye contact before crushing is foolproof... And that has been the main way that man and woman have communicated/developed interest for 150 thousand years.

Good luck, sugarmoon!

[AlwaysByMySide]

Butterflymom, I always appreciate your tough love advice. I wouldn't join in on these threads if I didn't.

[JohnnysGirl]

Thanks. i am waiting at a restaurant this minute for 15 minute late Chivalrous Hunter who is on his way to meet me. Sigh. However, I kind of have butterflies. Hehe ....that's funny. Or punny. Get it? sugarmoon! Update!

[Seie]

Danishmom that is so romantic I am so excited for you
Out of curiousity - did you ever agree on anything regarding children? I am a bit curious as I am in the same type dilemma and I really don't know what to do about it..

[DanishMom]

Seie: Thank you so much!

In the beginning we agreed about having kids. He wanted more kids and sooner than I did. Then after 2½ years he had a major midlife crisis and started doubting. He was afraid he had gotten to old. He felt ambivalent, sometimes he wanted kids and sometimes he didn't but he was never dead set against it.

The reason we broke up for those three months is that it was a strain to the relationship to disagree about these things. I really think you need to agree if it's very important to one person. But in the end the break up was about the fact that he wasn't sure about living together. And though I'm only 98% sure about having more kids, I'm 100% sure about wanting to live together. So I guess to be with him is more important than having kids (might not have been the case in five years time) but I needed to live together and wake up and go to bed together every single day. It's very late so I hope it made some sense.

How is the situation with your BF now?

[Rosehip]

DanishMom - Wonderful news & I wish you much happiness!

Butterfly - Don't love the 15 minutes late, but the butterflies are, well, exciting! I see your last post was from about 8 hours ago....how did it go??

Always - I would say that the next contact should be by phone or in person, or...eh...Don't pour any more of yourself into it.

My squash partner called today. Turns out he got back from abroad on Thursday, then went to the other city (interviewing with another firm) on Friday, and called me from there this afternoon. He was heading back home this evening, and wants to get together this week. I told him I'd get back to him on what night works. So, I'm happy to hear from him (and having my little romantic fantasies of this turning into something wonderful & serious), and looking forward to an evening with him, but am also being very cautious (probably to a fault - I'm feeling SO guarded after feeling like I got burned really badly in my marriage). I'm also feeling totally frozen with the online contacts on the dating site! I don't know what to say/how to respond. Seriously. There's a handsome, never married guy who fits most of my criteria who has said "Hi" and I don't know what to say back. Sigh. I guess I haven't gotten any better at this!

[JohnnysGirl]

So,

'hey, how's your week going?' works.
so... CH just left after our ten hour date. We made out for six of those hours, after talking 4 hours over many many tapas at a south american place. I think I may have told him every last thing about me. He is falling for me, and fast, and I just feel.... excited about him, hungry to know more, and sorry that I can't quite reciprocate his level of smitten-ness just yet, although the potential is there. But, yeah, we're both enjoying this, even though we're at different paces. He was simply running late tonight, and treated me like a queen again tonight. He is so non-playery and imagines myself out of his league so much that I finally told him that his only flaw in my eyes so far was the faulty reasoning there, and that as soon as he decided that he is absolutely the best guy for me and made it his point of pursuing me with a calm confidence, then That would probabaly be when he'd 'get me'. I hope he listens.

[sugarmoon]

Butterfly! I like CH more and more. New pic, though, pretty please?

My coffee date was very very very fun. Turned into an all day affair

We met at the coffee place, spent a bit of time talking, blushing, laughing at ourselves, the chemistry was *very* clear. We spent about an hour and a half, there, drinking coffee, talking, eating (he totally paid, very gentlemanly like, asked me if he could buy my breakfast).

We went walking around a bit, holding hands, still both feeling pretty silly, neither of us wanting to make the first move, for some reason, as we nearly kissed several times, both in the coffee shop and on the street, but didn't.

Eventually, he asked if I wanted to go up to his house, to which I agreed...

He showed me around, we sat on the couch, and jumped right into some political discussions, both of us were pretty firey and full of opinions. It was pretty great -- we'd been hinting at politics all morning, but I guess, since we both have strong opinions, we were each nervous about not hitting the right political notes with the other. But... It was great.

We cuddled, talked, cuddled, he made me tea, we decided we'd had enough with politics, and drank some whiskey later in the afternoon. It was *really* strong. Stronger than any whiskey I've ever had, and I got really sleepy after I finished, and we just lay together on the couch, and sort of napped, as the light changed from day to afternoon to evening.

At some point, as we were lying there, he said "so when do I get to see you again?"

All in all, it was pretty great. He is a really good guy -- he is 40, never been married, no kids. He is in grad school to become a middle school english teacher, and cooks at one of the nicer restaurants in town to pay the bills. He mentors and 11 year old boy, works with a developmentally disabled man, does really cool artsy graffitti paintings on the walls of his apartment (and on canvas as well)....

[Seie]

Sugarmoon: he sounds great -sounds like you two had a great day together

Danishmom: Oh things are good with us apart from the one area of kids or not. I want more - I am 100% sure. He doesnt really know. I posted about it in the family planning section a few weeks back. I dont know what to do - for now he doesnt refuse having more kids - but he also wont make any promises I know it's important for him to be able to provide for all of us, but even though he has a good job and makes good money, he also has a lot of debt from fighting his ex about the kids, and us buying a house together - even just moving in together - could have long prospects. I have no idea what to do about it - I'm crazy about him - really. I really see us together long term - with more kids. But I don't want to waste an unknown amount of years waiting for him to come to a decision. On the other hand I wont pass on the one guy I have ever met that I really feel is lifetime potential kwim. I guess for now I am settling with him knowing that kids are my #1 priority and since I know he genuinely wants me to be happy I hope he will eventually let me have my way.. After all for him it is not because he doesnt like kids - he loves being around kids and I honestly think that deep down he wants more - just a lot of fear there considering his past. So no - i have no idea what to do. For now I wait and hope.. just not sure how long is fair that I wait and hope.. I am guessing at some point it would be fair to require some kind of answer from him or?

[JohnnysGirl]

I don't like the sound of him letting you have "your way." Just 'cus I'd love to think about you being with a guy who would just love nothing more than the thought of you having his future children and who would be excited at the prospect of having kids with you, the woman he loves.

You deserve that. And maybe he's not the last man you'd ever meet that you'd happily imagine being with for a lifetime? You are a young woman who hasn't had that much time on the single market at ALL. You were with the ex for a long time, and then you were single for a short time, and got with this guy.

This is a big issue. Perhaps the bigger problem in this scenario isn't the kids issue so much as the fact that after a year of having it hanging between you two, you guys still can't really communicate and work out a solution to a this issue. How does he deal with the fact that he knows you want, more than anything, to partner up for keeps, settle down and have children with that partner, and you will be crushed if he isn't that man. Doesn't that feel like a big problem that a solution should be found for? I only know bits and pieces of the situation but it sounds like ....well like you said, he doesn't promise you anything. Just stays with you, letting time pass, enjoying being your boyfriend and a part time uncle type guy to your kids, but without giving you any hope for even moving in together in the forseeable future....? It just sounds so non-committal from his end, and I think you deserve at least a tangible timeline for things getting serious between you, or the knowledge that he wants the same things as you do, quite badly, and is in at least a similar rush about laying whatever groundwork he needs to in order to move forward and share his life with you.

sugarmoon, wow!!!! Awesome awesome awesome. I was thinking about you the whole time and then even dreamed about reading your update on MDC, but this was such good news!




Rosehip, sounds like squash partner is really growing on you. Can't wait to hear about the next date!

CH is really growing on me, too. Each of our dates have been like 7-10 hours each so we've spent such a lot of time together for only 3 dates! Most of the time talking. It feels like it's been longer than a week since I met him. Weird.

[Holland73]

Seie: I agree 100% with what ButterflyMom wrote above. This is a HUGE issue.

BUT, man oh man, I also completely understand how difficult it is to make the decision of do I stay, keep hoping/dreaming/praying that it will work out as I want it or do I leave and find someone that wants what I want without all of this hoping/dreaming/praying.

Once your heart, time and energy are truly invested in someone, someone that you have fully integrated into your life and family... it is painfully difficult to make such a decision. Btdt, my heart goes out to you.

[Holland73]

Well, Mr. Paralegal pretty much texted me throughout his entire guys' motorcycle tour weekend!!! It was really nice!

He called last night just to see what my plans were for the week and to see if we could get together. We booked a Friday date night and also talked about him coming over to my place one evening after ds goes to bed. I just wanted to be able to spend some time with him, getting to know him a bit better, on my own turf... in a place where I feel most comfortable and open.

Sugarmoon: Your coffee date sounded like it went VERY well!! So, what did you end up wearing????

Butterflymom: Happy to that things are moving along nicely with CH and you are just enjoying the time together.

[DanishMom]

Seie: I'm really sorry you are in this position. BTDT despite the happy outcome. I would love to talk to you on the phone if you feel like it. I've got too much to say on the subject to write it all down here.

[JohnnysGirl]

Ok riddle me this: CH says and acts like he's totally falling in love with me. But when it was time for him to leave from my place and go to the airport for a 5 day business trip to Germany, he whispered "I love you" and then left ...and I didn't say it back but I tried to give him meaningful, positive eye contact as he left but it was kinda dark so I ended up feeling irritated that he threw that out there and then put me in a weird position of not being willing to say it after 6 days but not wanting to discourage the thing that's developing between us either. argh. :

Now it's been 12 more hours. He had to fly to Germany and then drive more hours to business meetings for the whole week but I asked him before he left if we could be in touch while he's gone and he was like, 'of course' so I was like, 'great' and then I texted him within ten minutes of him leaving letting him know that I missed him already & how would I make it until friday (I wanted to wipe away any weird feelings he had about me not saying I Love You back), and then again four hours ago to say that I slept and had nice dreams about him, and then an hour or so ago to let him know that I can't stop thinking about him.

What is this? Now I'm blowing up his phone with cutesy text messages all day and he's not responding at all. Why isn't he texting me back? I think he's scared that he's totally falling for someone and he's not sure of my feelings in return. He wants to jump into a meaningful, exclusive relationship with me already, and I'm kinda being cute and evasive about these comments and trying to just keep encouraging him without jumping into serious-ness just yet. A couple of weeks of fun under our belt before we have a 'state of the union' discussion seems more sane. He thinks he's a 42 year old who looks much older than he is because of premature graying and he thinks I'm some hot young thing that is just too much to hope for. Such an idiot! Hello, handsome, 6'4" broad shouldered men with a very thick head of hair that has turned salt & pepper look like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, not like some old fart. He has no idea that he could be some super player if he wanted to, with his intelligence, smoothness, and looks. And he thinks I don't need him, and have other more interesting prospects. : But I can't keep convincing him forever that he's worth my time and that I could fall in love with him back. Because him being so self-depreciating will eventually kill in my interest in him. Sigh.

Why isn't he texting me back? Turn on your cell phone or get out of the business meeting or whatever the hell excuse, and text me back!!!!