*~*'~* November Dating Thread *~*'~* How proactive are you when it comes to finding prospects? - Page 9

[Rosehip]

DM - Aye, there's the rub. I don't really know! It looks like it's a DJ dance party hosted by a high end event planner & a local politician/business man (maybe? I googled the name & that's what it seems like). Squash partner's friends seem to have gone to the previous party thrown by this crew and had a blast. I have NO idea what to expect b/c he's in his 40s, and I think his circle is 30s-40s financiers and so forth...not what I think would be a club crowd!

Ok - I have this dress - //tinyurl.com/y946ox8 in the grey color, and black strappy sandals. I think I'll need to dress it up a bit with some fun jewelry, which I really don't have. One of my girlfriends has offered to lend me stuff. A sort of chunky, sparkly necklace maybe?

[JohnnysGirl]

wedding rings that make my heart go pitter patter

red wedding band

pretty victorian fancy engagement ring

wedding band with scattered little diamonds

really stunning thick band with vine overlay

interesting celtic design

simply stunning

the engagement ring of my dreams!!!

engagement ring from above, stacked on top of complimentary wedding band

the women's set from above + the man's band

really nice variation on my favorite one, but quite value priced

[DanishMom]

Originally Posted by Rosehip

DM - Aye, there's the rub. I don't really know! It looks like it's a DJ dance party hosted by a high end event planner & a local politician/business man (maybe? I googled the name & that's what it seems like). Squash partner's friends seem to have gone to the previous party thrown by this crew and had a blast. I have NO idea what to expect b/c he's in his 40s, and I think his circle is 30s-40s financiers and so forth...not what I think would be a club crowd!

Ok - I have this dress - //tinyurl.com/y946ox8 in the grey color, and black strappy sandals. I think I'll need to dress it up a bit with some fun jewelry, which I really don't have. One of my girlfriends has offered to lend me stuff. A sort of chunky, sparkly necklace maybe?

Why don't you ask him - sort of casually what kind of party and the degree of fancyness/casualness??

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by Rosehip

Ok - I have this dress - //tinyurl.com/y946ox8 in the grey color, and black strappy sandals. I think I'll need to dress it up a bit with some fun jewelry, which I really don't have. One of my girlfriends has offered to lend me stuff. A sort of chunky, sparkly necklace maybe?

I like the dress but the grey color looks much more casual than the black. Hmmmmmmm...........

[JohnnysGirl]

where is muse? and brittneyscott? : LoveOhm, are ya out there? :

[DanishMom]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

red wedding band

pretty victorian fancy engagement ring

wedding band with scattered little diamonds

really stunning thick band with vine overlay

interesting celtic design

simply stunning

the engagement ring of my dreams!!!

engagement ring from above, stacked on top of complimentary wedding band

the women's set from above + the man's band

really nice variation on my favorite one, but quite value priced

There are some really nice ones - but remember that we don't use engagement rings in Denmark. Just matching wedding bands. I'm not too crazy about red gold. I prefer white gold for blonde hair / fair skin.

I love this one http://www.krikawa.com/rings/unique-...iteScatDia.jpg and this one: http://www.krikawa.com/rings/unique-...ineOverlay.jpg but they might be a too much for a man to wear.

I'm going to look into antique wedding bands.

[Rosehip]

DM - do the rings match exactly? In the states, when people have *matching* rings (though many don't), there's a more masculine man's version. I like the scattered diamond one too!

Butterfly - I think that in real life, the grey actually looks sort of sophisticated. It also seems to be (from my very fashion-challenged perspective) a very *hot* color this year. Although, the dress is so flattering that I think I'll order it in black as well.

[DanishMom]

Originally Posted by Rosehip

DM - do the rings match exactly? In the states, when people have *matching* rings (though many don't), there's a more masculine man's version. I like the scattered diamond one too!

Yes, I think they are exactly the same except that women's rings often have a diamond.

[Rosehip]

DM - in that case, I like this the best! http://www.dinguldsmedonline.dk/shop...uld-1506p.html

It's very simple & elegant!

[JohnnysGirl]

The scattered diamond band that you two like would be a good matching set, because his could just be sans the diamonds, and hers with a few little diamonds scattered around.
The other one DM liked, seems too fancy for a guy to wear. maybe if it's possible to get it without the ring of diamonds, though.

If I had to live with just one ring, a wedding band, and no bling-bling-here's-my-diamond-solitaire engagement ring to stack with the wedding band as per american culture, (or if budget just didn't allow for a huge, honkin' diamond) , then I would want this one: http://www.krikawa.com/rings/unique-...rincessDia.jpg as a beautiful toned down but feminine and pretty/interesting enough to keep me smiling at my left hand for a lifetime. The male version could just be plain white gold without the cut-outs and diamonds, but same gold, same width, same everything else. It would 'match' well enough.

Rosehip, YES those style dresses are SO flattering. I have one too, in black!

[JohnnysGirl]

So Chivalrous Hunter sent some nice text messages and then we stayed on the phone for a few hours. Such a strong accent.... but I don't mind. He is staying firm that he has never had feelings like these before, that he is having for me now, and he misses me terribly. He wanted to know if I'd go hunting with him. and I was like, I've never even seen a gun IRL before, and I don't think I want to! We then discussed that it would be more mutually enjoyable if we went to his cabin-in-the-woods and he just stalked and preyed upon me, in the forest, instead. Oh, it's fun to be silly with someone. We talked about all kinds of things and I gotta say I miss him a lot and am feeling all butterflies in my tummy and queasy about this. It's too easy, it's too perfect. He's too perfect. Well he's a single dad and I didn't want that. : But I don't even care. Besides, 2 of his 3 kids are in high school so in a few years they'll be 20-somethings and really having their own lives, and that would be cool if I could potentially be friends someday with his eldest daughter. I don't have enough of an age difference to even think about being a stepmom figure for them (when someone is, like, 13 years older than you, it's not enough of an age gap to warrant a parent/child style relationship, that's for sure). I have the same age difference to his elder daughter as I do to him. I'm smack in the middle. I wonder how they'd feel as twenty somethings with a thirtysomething stepmom with their late-40s/early-50s aged dad. Is it weird? :

Just totally pointlessly brainstorming these hypothetical long term future scenarios because that's what you do when you are crushing like crazy........

[muse]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

where is muse?

I'm here just popping my head in after being at a conference for 5 days. wow things change fast around here, lots of catching up to do.

As for me, haven't talked w/ Chicago Guy since last tuesday, mostly because I was away. Got a text from him today. We'll see how it is when we talk but right now I'm feelign if I can't nail down a December date with him to come out here next time we talk then i'm done with all the lengthy phone conversations and investing anymore emotionally...but of course i really really hope he comes..fingers crossed..

Besides him I'm totally done with dating right now. I took my profile off all the sites I was on. i'm just not interested right no, and am on overwhelm staying on tops of things at work and home. Funny because a guy I met online and went out for tea with just got hired at my work and we'll be working quite closely together. Hmm.

What was great though was at the conference this weekend spending almost 24/7 with a guy friend (married w/kids) who I have such a deep connection to, and also a lot of chemistry with, and juts havign such a fantastic time without feelign any need for anything physical. Of course in another lifetime where he weren't married that would be great, but the boundaries are totally clear. We danced together, played music together, went running together, ate, talked, laughed, rode a rollercoaster, shared a hotel room (separate beds)...

It was a good exercise in seeing how much i get out of friendships , and maybe that's more what I need right now.

[JohnnysGirl]

muse, how do you have these intense/amazing/long phone calls and feel so connected to Chicago Guy and then have stretches of days and days or even weeks where you guys have total radio silence and no communication at all? It would drive me mad!!!!!!!!!!!! : I think I need some sort of contact every single day if there's no solid reason to not at least be able to send a cute or witty SMS.
I really really hope that he sets a date within some weeks to come see you. And then a relationship, a real relationship takes off and soars into the stratosphere. If that's what you want.

[muse]

well...i'm working on it all...i don't need daily contact - in fact prefer not to have that - but i need responsiveness and trust. when we say clearly, let's chat next week i can handle it. but when he says, i'm here for you and then disappears, i can't. he's very full on and then not on at all. i'm seriously wondering if he has ADD. which is so ironic because he knows my ex has that. i doubt he would see it in himself, but much of the patterns i've seen in him fit perfectly.

i got the warning bell last tues when we chatted and all of a sudden he wanted to get off the phone and he explained that he was feeling "antsy". it was 1am his time, he'd worked out for 2.5 hrs, gone for a walk, and he was still feeling antsy. he also doesn't sleep much, can't handle caffeine or sugar, can't sit still through a whole movie, is ED of a non profit *and* runs a web based business, is constantly on the go...and the hyperfocus; it's on me, and then it's on his fundraising event, then it's on me again, then it's on working out every single night, then who knows what...his description of himself as a kid sounds a lot like my ds who probably has mild ADD.

i'm not selling him well am i?

he just sent me a text asking to chat, so i replied sure, and then i won't hear from him for an hr or more, if at all. *that* drives me mad. i am getting tired of the whole phone/text thing, so a date has to be set asap.

hmm, just this moment amazon man emailed asking how i'm doing. sweet lovely guy i'd love to be friends with but i know he's attracted to me; how do i negotiate that without hurting him?

[muse]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

And then a relationship, a real relationship takes off and soars into the stratosphere. If that's what you want.

yeah, that IS what I want. It'd good to get that clear for myself. I *don't * want to date anymore. I DO want to be in a committed, peaceful, respectful, equal, intimate, trustworthy, growing, friendship-based relationship.

[Holland73]

My update

Well... he came over on Monday night and we talked and made out for 3.5 hours (no full on dancing... yet!). Honestly, I haven't had that much fun, intensity and connection in a very, very long time. It was absolutely amazing!

I realized how very similar we both are, or at least similar in the areas that matter the most: affection, ability to communicate, internal happiness/contentment with oneself and a positive, optimistic outlook on life. Four things that were truly detrimental in my relationship with S.

We text A LOT. Yesterday he told me he was going to the gym, "To keep it looking sexy for you." He is VERY athletic and active, which is great. When I asked him what his favorite dessert was, he replied, "YOU!" Oh, and my all-time favorite: "Fell asleep with the scent of your hair and perfume still on me. It was nice. )"

Ok, sorry... I am gushing a bit. I have never felt so bloody giddy before, it is absolutely nuts.

We have a date set up for Friday night, which is the day before ds and I leave for a week in Oregon.

Honestly, it is amazing and he is fabulous. I plan on enjoying every single moment.

[sugarmoon]

Rosehip, I like that dress, but I'd go for black, esp since you aren't sure where the party falls on the casual-formal scale. That dress, cute shoes, fun, but classy, jewelry, and I think you'll be fine, regardless.

Although I'm another vote for "just ask him". You guys have been out a bunch of times, seems like a pretty reasonable question.

[LoveOhm]

Hi Ladies ~

Sorry I have been MIA I have really be slammed because school is kicking my behind lately and finances and also stressing me a little. So in short I have been a bit stressed mixed with moments of sadness/despair in some areas in my life. That said I want to share some wisdom about men that I came across this month. It is from a relationship book for women written very direct and straight forward. This is my take away that I think all of you should know.

From Chapter 1: Men are simple. They are driven by three things 1) who they are 2) what they do and 3) how much they make. Until he's achieved his goal in these three areas or is firmly on the path of accomplishing these three areas the man you're dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.

From Chapter 2: Men love differently than women. Men show love by professing to others that you are his lady (this includes his mama, friends, etc. if he is into you, he will want you to have a title so he knows you are "his"). He also will provide for his lady --- he may not have the financial items in place too do it all but if he does not have it in cold hard cash he will give right from his pantry to ensure a woman he loves does not go hungry.... on this note I will quote the author "Know this: It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exchange for your time." Lastly he shows love by protecting you from any harm he can. It is in his DNA to want to fix the problems of those he care for.

From Chapter 9: Men respect standards - Get some! He states that IF a women has clear standards from the outset the man can determine IF he is willing to try and meet those standards but it also gives the new guy and you the opportunity to smoke out the men who are looking for playthings and the men who are seeking a keeper. (There is a whole chapter earlier in the book on how to spot a man looking for a plaything vs. a keeper)

From Chapter 10: Five Questions Every Woman Should Ask Before She Gets In Too Deep
1) What are your short-term goals?
2) What are your long-term goals?
3) What are your views on relationships?
4) What do you think about me?
5) How do you feel about me?

From Chapter 11: The Ninety-Day Rule
You can not get benefits from a job until after 90 days this gives employers a chance to be sure you are committed to the job and while they do pay you they do not give you benefits until after 90 days. As women why give away your benefits date two or three far easier than it is for many people to earn work benefits. You physically is a benefit that you have every right to withhold in the beginning to see if a man is right for you and 90 days is indeed reasonable. Before then he doesn't really know you, he hasn't proven himself and he could walk off from the job at any time..... 90 days will give you more time to know him a smoke out "some" of the issues most namely if he is looking for a plaything or something more. You have all the power in this moment, hold on to it! You can still give the man payment - hugs, kisses, your time, you getting dressed up, exchanging explicit emails all payments "but if he wants to sleep with you - make babies and have a family, those are benefits!" and he can wait 90-days for benefits

**** Needless to say I am slow to sleep with a man but I have not consciously made a man wait or even thought of the 90 days until reading this chapter and honestly while I think "dating rules" are silly the employee benefit example makes perfect sense to me! ****

Okay there is more but really I do like the book it's by Steve Harvey and is called Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man!

[LoveOhm]

btw -- I am trying to read and catch up on the tread but I know it will take me a day or two

[Oh the Irony]

Oh gosh. I think He's Just Not That into You is enough of a dating book for me.

1) Some men are simple. Some are complex. Very. Ask me how I know...

2) I deny "my right" to have a man pay for everything. He doesn't have to "pay for my time". We share time. He asks me to dinner, he can pay. I ask him, I pay. We date awhile, we trade off or split the bill.

3) Standards are good. Maybe I'm looking for a plaything though...

4) Good questions. I think it is important to find out if there are dealbreakers before you fall in love. That makes things more complicated--you have to be willing to walk away.

5) 90 Day Rule. Hmmm...benefits work both ways. It's not all about HIS benefits--it is OUR benefits. I personally do not want to have sex before really knowing someone because it makes your hormones get a bit whacked which can lead to some strange things. Ask me how I know...

I just don't like this at all though. The implications that women need to be "pure" and "giving it away" freak me out. I'm not "giving anything away". I'm sharing in my sexuality and sensuality. I'm not an object or a "benefit". My hugs and kisses are not payment. They are a mutually satisfying gift for both of us. We both benefit. This is teaching women to use their sexuality for control over men.

Sorry LoveOhm. Steve Harvey can, well, you know.