Originally Posted by sugarmoon
I felt pretty self concious about that, as I hadn't wanted him to meet the kids, and it as just such a tangible reminder of the ways having the kids creates limitations in what I can do.
I really like this guy. But now I'm having all that weird angst about how interrupted we were by ds last night, and how it just makes it clear that my role as mom supercedes anything else that may be going on in my life.
And that shouldn't make me feel angsty (and to his credit ATG was totally chill about it, the angst was all me), as it is TRUE and I wouldn't have it any other way. I just wish ds would have stayed asleep, at least for ATG's *first* visit to my house!
Being a mom and dating is not easy. In the 6+ years that I have been single and the 2 serious relationships I have had during those six years, I can safely say that I have had a few of experiences as you had last night.
Two things to keep in perspective:
1. Child interruptions are going to happen and, perhaps, that is a good thing. It shows the man exactly what life as a parent is about and remember, it happen regardless of if you are single or married -- my married friends have the same exact problem with interruptions as I do. I figure it is better to know early on if he can laugh, perserve and go with the flow.
A couple of married friends told me that I was lucky because both men from my two previous, serious relationships were more patient, understanding and had a great sense of humor about child interruptions than their husbands did... because they knew it was a part of the territory from the VERY beginning.
Your role as mom doesn't necessarily supercede with everything else in your life, but it does require that you do the balancing act more often than childless adults. But, that is true for all parents.
2. Introducing prospective partners to children is a difficult one. I am pretty progressive in my beliefs about these introductions, but this has a been a slightly more complicated situation for me this time around than in the past.
Since my break up with S was fairly recent and he was living with us, I also didn't want to intro ds to P too quickly.
Unfortunately, ds heard the door shutting when P came over and quickly ran out to see who was here. I casually introduced them ("this is mommy's friend, P") and immediately sent ds back to bed. Ds was more enthralled with P's motorcycle helmet than anything else... "He has a motorcycle!!!!" Ds hasn't mentioned anything about him since.
Tonight, P will be picking me up for our date and I have no problem with him meeting ds again during the pick up nor do I mind that ds knows I am going out with P... I just feel like we (P & I) need to have a more distant, "friendly" front with ds for awhile to give him a chance to adjust and process. I think that once ds and P start getting to know each other better, ds is going to be pushing me full-force into P's arms.
I don't know... I am still working this one out for myself. I just take it day by day and go by what feels right to me and for ds. I don't think there is any right or wrong, unless of course, someone was bringing multiple men home.