Oh my goodness, so much going on on this thread, all the time! Its amazing how the dating world shifts and expands constantly. I've been popping in to read (and groan and sympathize) although I havent had time to update my own situation. So I guess this is the short version (
Artist Guy and I have moved very steadily forward into "relationship" mode, which has freaked me out a bit on several different levels, but I am trying very hard to keep things in check. He's very intense. Which I like (its challenging and exciting, for one), but leaves me feeling a little "swept away" at times, and maybe not as centered as I'd like to feel.
He's been divorced for 5 years, and his ex moved out of state 2 years ago, taking his daughters about 1500 miles away from him (anyone familiar with my recent divorce will appreciate the irony of this). I initially got the feeling on our first couple of dates that he was really missing and craving having/being part of a family. His last relationship was with a woman who had 2 kids, and he moved in quickly with her (after his ex-wife moved away with his kids) and they lived together for 2 years or so. I could see from that, and from his interaction with my son that he really is (or wants to be) a family guy. Which, frankly, kind of freaked me out. I'm just getting used to the idea of dating, and getting to know someone romantically again without even considering the thought of including them as a part of my family unit.
But just when I was starting to retreat from the whole thing, I sat down one night and really tried to explore what it was I wanted. I've been telling myself that I'm happy being single. I am, its not a lie. I enjoy my life, and I've worked very hard in the last 1.5 years to be exactly where I want to be. But whenever I really consider my future, and what I want for myself and my son, I dont envision myself alone. I've always thought that if I could find the right partner, and I mean the RIGHT partner, I would consider it a blessing to include someone in my life, and in my son's life. But I cant say that I envisioned that happening anytime soon. So I was ready to hit the dating scene, but not really anticipating anything fantastic, or even relationship-worthy.
Cute Artist Guy has swooped in and dashed all my neat theories to hell.
He's probably everything I could dream about and paste on my little picture of "ideal partner", bar the fact that I dont drink at all, and he enjoys going out to see music, which inevitably has landed us in bars 2 weekends in a row. I love seeing live music, and we share same music tastes, but I am NOT into the bar scene. I eliminated alcohol from my life 4 years ago and am not really interested in doing the bar scene at this point in my life. So thats a been a bit awkward for me...it doesnt bother me that he has had a couple drinks, I can see that drinking for him is moderate, and definitely in a social situation, but I would prefer that it wasnt there at all. I have very little tolerance for drinking/drunk people. But besides that....
We have fun together, no matter what we are doing
We email every day during the week, and have spent every minute of the weekends together, sometimes going out alone (sans kid), sometimes doing family things with ds. He usually comes back to my place and seems perfectly content to hang out with my mother and I, help with ds and the bedtime routine, etc. Its weird, but seems perfectly natural. He fits in just right, and he and I seem to have the most intense connection, but its on a very .... profound level. Its like we both already know each other. Whats weird about it is that we have this deep connection, but seems like we are just fishing around filling in the details about each other and our personal stories/experiences. Its so very weird. But it feels very right in many ways.
So thats the skinny for now. We have had the commitment talk, since we have moved into sharing physical intimacy, I wouldnt feel comfortable without us both being monogamous. Introducing me the other day to some of his friends, he said, "And this is my girlfriend..." Gave my heart a little leap
I'm crushing hard, and trying hard not to create a picture of the future. Too soon to envision a family unit, but I have to admit, I daydream about it.