*~*'~* November Dating Thread *~*'~* How proactive are you when it comes to finding prospects? - Page 5

[JustAnotherBrick]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali

I think I want to focus on rediscovering myself. I mean, if I don't find myself interesting/a catch, why would anyone else?

WELCOME! I completely agree that you must believe that you are interesting, attractive and fabulous! I would encourage you to join a gym or check out sparkpeople.com if you need motivation when it comes to weight loss. I loveee their recipes and message boards.

Sometimes meeting new people is a good way to rediscover yourself and your interests!

[DaughterOfKali]

Originally Posted by JustAnotherBrick

I would encourage you to join a gym

I can't afford a gym. Wish I could. Especially during the cold months.

[Seie]

Daughter of Kali: Welcome Wow - 7 years! However did you manage that?
I am not sure I second the baby-steps approach. I say get yourself outthere, make some mistakes, put your heart outthere, risk getting hurt and embrace life. Dating life is all ups and downs - there are no guarantees you will avoid getting hurt even if you take all precautions. Good luck!

here two kids sick with H1N1 and BF about to do his midway exam on his MBA so I feel a bit lonely.. Have a party this weekend that I am very much looking forward to, just hope I wont get sick with the flu too..

[EarthRootsStarSoul]

How do you find the time to date??? I find myself as a single parent of two little boys, and working full time, getting no child support, and wondering how the heck everyone else is getting out on 'the market' to meet new people and go on dates.

[DaughterOfKali]

Originally Posted by Seie

Daughter of Kali: Welcome Wow - 7 years! However did you manage that?

I dated a few times at first but then quickly realized that I wanted none of it. I was sooo sick of men, to be honest.

[JohnnysGirl]

New guy on the horizon

I guess a third contender popped up. Spectacled Silly guy. He's got a warm sense of humor. And wears glasses. My type. a year and a half older, rather than 4 years younger or 12.5 years older like the other two, so more of a direct peer. (Sorry to nit-pick, but those years are significant when you factor in it's 26 vs. 30 and childless vs. 2 kids) It was nice. He's clever, but unemployed at the moment. We hung out for hours at my favorite karaoke bar and then grabbed a bite to eat and he walked me home. But he's a smoker so no way I'll kiss him until he quits. He happily forwent (can you do past tense of forgone that way? ) cigarettes for the hours he was with me without even mentioning it.

Tomorrow is Swimming Swede for dinner or whatever he comes up with. Let's see if I forget about Chivalrous Hunter.


Earthrootsstarsoul

[JohnnysGirl]

by the way

Shy Lawyer is so not into me.

I knew he was out of town, hoped I'd hear from him about our 'maybe' coffee 'date' this week he hinted at when he couldn't see me last week (after I ASKED HIM if he could). I texted him two nights ago (24 hours after he should have been back in town after his trip) to ask how his trip went and gave him an upbeat, cheerful update on my weekend happenings and didn't even hint about us actually meeting after all. He waits 24 hours and texts back that 'he had a great weekend'. and that 'He's back'. and how 'My weekend sounded great'. and straight forward that 'Now he needs to rest'. the kicker: '-signed by his official first name' (not the nickname he said he always goes by when I was choosing which first name to save his number as, when he was giving it to me).

Man that was harsh. Nothing about us meeting, not even hinting that he ever ever wants to meet me. Ugh. I feel so spurned, so blown off. For what? What went wrong? What did I do? I was just open and friendly, totally making it easy for a seemingly uber-shy guy to get to meet me, on a date-ish kind of thing. Nothing high stakes, just a coffee or a drink. Why wouldn't he want to have at least that? He is the one who hit on me and got my number on the train. What could make him change his mind about wanting to get to know me better?

I'd just like at least one date before it fizzles away, so I know the guy at least knows what he's passing on before running in the opposite direction. Then it's fair enough if he doesn't want me. But we just chatted some minutes on a train. twice. but still just a half hour or chit chat on a train. He obviously thought I was attractive and that's why he hit on me, and he obviously wanted to know me more after our conversation and that's why he got my number and kept sending texts with me back and forth and said he wants to see me. But now he doesn't. WhAT HAPPENED? :

[Hollycrand]

Butterflymom,

I remember a certain someone (YOU) giving me advice when I was banging my head against the wall about SCG. You told me that it is HIS loss, and that it has nothing to do with you, your personality or your attractiveness.
Being passed over is hard, but it simply means he wasn't the one for you. Better to find this out now before you invest your feelings and time into a guy.
How is your job search going? Take some time to concentrate on looking for a job, or preparing for Christmas. Do they have Christmas markets where you live? Could you perhaps work temporarily in the Christmas market?

Hugs!!
(Throw darts at Shy Lawyer)

[sbphotogr]

Thanks for all the encouraging words. I’m proud that I’m not falling for his traps, but it is hard to not feel disappointed. Your words help me feel good about my decision though!


Butterflymom: *swoon* being a gentleman goes a looooong way. You totally deserve that treatment and level of maturity. Chivalrous hunter seems like a good prospect to spend time with. Yes, young guy has potential, but is it your job to cultivate it? However, I really like men older than me. They are usually less intimidated and I feel more comfortable being completely confident. Oh, and Shy Lawyer definitely lost out on this. Maybe he has his own chivalrous hunter that he risks damaging if he goes for the younger girl IDK just a thought
DaughterofKali: If you are in a large enough city there may be walking groups that you could join for free. Sometimes they trek indoor areas such as the mall so the cold weather wouldn’t be too much of an issue. Could be a good way to meet new people!

[Kiki Runs]

Real quick -

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

DaughterofKali, if weight is your issue, you don't need to join a gym to start seeing it melt off ---looking at what you eat is by far the main thing in terms of excess pounds and their stickiness. However, there are men out there (and women) who love larger women so perhaps it's only a problem in your mind and just stand tall and love yourself and you'll have no issue attracting people.

The first part of this is not correct - exercise is the big deal in terms of weight loss. Portion size/overall caloric intake/nutrient intake are important, agreed, but the exercise can't be underestimated.

However, the latter part is completely correct! What (non-shallow) people are really interested in is a woman who is confident and comfortable with herself.

Daughter of Kali - can you start walking by yourself? There's a program called Couch to 5K that LOTS of people have success with - it's intended to get you from couch potato to running a 5K, but can be adapted to walking if you're not ready for running.

When I started running, I was an idiot and just pushed through on sheer stubbornness. Do as I say, not as I did LOL! The C25K program is a great gradual build, which is definitely the better way to go.

I can't say enough for exercise in terms of both physical and mental health - it builds self-esteem and self-worth, with or without weight loss. I really think if you can just make yourself exercise for a given amount of time (say 6 weeks), you will *want* to continue b/c of the returns on your investment in your health.

blah blah blah, exercise nerd here, blah blah.


OK, had to put that out there - fitness/health is my area of study, I love it!




Anyhooo.... HI! I think I've peeked in here from time to time, and then life gets busy (and I have nothing to report dating-wise) so I'm not here much.

I'll re-introduce: 29, divorced, student, mama to 6yoDS and 4yoDD. I'm not doing much dating, for lots of reasons (lack of time/availability, lack of money, lack of prospects in my dating pool, etc). I do eventually hope to have a long-term relationship and a *family* with an equal partner, but if that doesn't happen, I'll be ok with it.

I've been reading He's Just Not That Into You, almost as a joke. Really, you don't need to read the whole book - basically, if he's not making it quite clear that he *is* into you....he's not into you. lol The mood I'm in lately? That makes complete sense to me. And at the same time, I don't care. I don't have the mental/emotional "extra" right now to even wonder about it. I assume if the guy thinks I'm fabulous he'll let me know. If he's not working hard to be on my radar, he won't be.

Geez, that sounds kind of bitchy, or full of myself. I don't think I am, I just am really busy and don't have time to dither about in this area. I put thought into it, realized I wouldn't want to be with a guy who doesn't think I am the *bomb* (lol!), and I'll just go ahead and live *my* life and hopefully eventually I'll meet that guy....but in the meantime, I'm moving ahead and embracing life.



Whew....enough deep thoughts for now! I've got a test in an hour, for which I may (or may not!) have appropriately prepared....

Hopefully I'll be around a bit more - I find I'm thinking more about this "relationship stuff" lately, and more in the theoretical sense (obviously, since there's no actual relationship for me to examine lol). I find it an interesting discussion, everyone's approach is so different!

[Holland73]

Breakfast date with Mr. Paralegal was fabulous!!!

OMG, he was so chatty, engaging, flirty, affectionate and totally into me. He opened doors, paid for breakfast, picked up my purse when I dropped it, helped me with my jacket... he was just awesome!

We had a great time together and a lot in common. He is very athletic; competitive road racer and fencer, runner, swimmer, etc. He also has a motorcycle, which is a new passion for him. Thgis weekend he is going on a motorcycle tour to Vegas/Grand Canyon with some friends and his brother.
He has a strong, stable group of friends and is very close with his family.

He is very attractive and has a striking resemblence to Eric Bana (yummy!).

Oh, and about 15 minutes after we parted... he texted, "Had a great time - really enjoyed sharing time with you!"

All in all, it was just a fun time with a great guy, so regardless of what may or may not happen, I am just happy for the experience.

BUT... I need to be very, very cautious to make sure I take this SUPER slow.

[rambunctiouscurls]

Originally Posted by Kiki Runs

Real quick -
Anyhooo.... HI! I think I've peeked in here from time to time, and then life gets busy (and I have nothing to report dating-wise) so I'm not here much.

I'll re-introduce: 29, divorced, student, mama to 6yoDS and 4yoDD. I'm not doing much dating, for lots of reasons (lack of time/availability, lack of money, lack of prospects in my dating pool, etc). I do eventually hope to have a long-term relationship and a *family* with an equal partner, but if that doesn't happen, I'll be ok with it.

I've been reading He's Just Not That Into You, almost as a joke. Really, you don't need to read the whole book - basically, if he's not making it quite clear that he *is* into you....he's not into you. lol The mood I'm in lately? That makes complete sense to me. And at the same time, I don't care. I don't have the mental/emotional "extra" right now to even wonder about it. I assume if the guy thinks I'm fabulous he'll let me know. If he's not working hard to be on my radar, he won't be.

Geez, that sounds kind of bitchy, or full of myself. I don't think I am, I just am really busy and don't have time to dither about in this area. I put thought into it, realized I wouldn't want to be with a guy who doesn't think I am the *bomb* (lol!), and I'll just go ahead and live *my* life and hopefully eventually I'll meet that guy....but in the meantime, I'm moving ahead and embracing life.



Whew....enough deep thoughts for now! I've got a test in an hour, for which I may (or may not!) have appropriately prepared....

Hopefully I'll be around a bit more - I find I'm thinking more about this "relationship stuff" lately, and more in the theoretical sense (obviously, since there's no actual relationship for me to examine lol). I find it an interesting discussion, everyone's approach is so different!

hi there,
You sound like you are in the same boat as I am.
I've been lurking on this thread for quite a while and I too am fascinated by all the different approaches to dating.

I love butterfly's approach of carefree fun and socializing to network and to date.
Love the slow, cautious approach.
don't mind internet dating but have much more luck in person. like everyone else, I imagine.
and finally, I love poly. I'm not looking for a commitment and I'm not interested in blending families. just honesty and a good pal I can make out with sometimes.

I have to admit that I hated the movie "he's just not that into you"
it's such bull to wait around for a guy to notice you. I'm also bi so if I like some one, I make sure I go after them. If they don't like me=it's their loss. I really believe that. and also, that movie really made women look so desperate for attention. not in my world. I have a harder time trying to find girls to date than guys!

I'm 25, recently separated mom to one amazing 3 year old. I've her a little more than full time so I get to have some weekends free for nights out on the town.

It really is an exciting chapter of my life worthy of much examination and retrospection.

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by rambunctiouscurls

I love butterfly's approach of carefree fun and socializing to network and to date.
It really is an exciting chapter of my life worthy of much examination and retrospection.

Thanks.


and yeah, it sounds like it!



Night with young guy (swimming swede, whatever) was fun. we shopped food, we cooked, we laughed, we drank whiskey. it was fine. he came to my door, picked me up, and later drove me home like a proper gentleman (not bad for a 26 year old). It was nice. But I don't see anyone potentially falling in love with anyone.

Excited to see Chivalrous Hunter tomorrow possibly.

[sbphotogr]

Originally Posted by Kiki Runs

Real quick -
I can't say enough for exercise in terms of both physical and mental health - it builds self-esteem and self-worth, with or without weight loss. I really think if you can just make yourself exercise for a given amount of time (say 6 weeks), you will *want* to continue b/c of the returns on your investment in your health.

It takes a balanced approach of diet and exercise for most, every body is different. I know some who never need a day of exercise to be thin as can be. I completely agree with the state of mental health in relation to exercise. When I am feeling depressed or down on myself, I hit the gym and my attitude will be changed at the end of the hour. Kickboxing is my anger management!

Originally Posted by Holland73

All in all, it was just a fun time with a great guy, so regardless of what may or may not happen, I am just happy for the experience.

BUT... I need to be very, very cautious to make sure I take this SUPER slow.

That's awesome that you had a good time. Even better that you are reminding yourself to take it slow. Are you hoping to see him again?

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

:
Night with young guy (swimming swede, whatever) was fun. we shopped food, we cooked, we laughed, we drank whiskey. it was fine. he came to my door, picked me up, and later drove me home like a proper gentleman (not bad for a 26 year old). It was nice. But I don't see anyone potentially falling in love with anyone.

What a fun date! Regardless of whether or not you are into him, that sounds like a great way to spend the evening. The fact that you are still thinking about your chivalrous hunter after that makes me think even more that he is the direction you should go in.


I may have found someone to meet up with on OkC. He’s a fellow photographer, so really that’s where the interest is. We have mostly been having photo geek conversations which I always enjoy. However, there is not much else that attracts me to this guy. Is it wrong of me to meet up with him if I have no intention other than networking?

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by sbphotogr

Are you hoping to see him again?

Yes, I am hoping to see him again, but when is going to be the question. He is gone from Friday-Sunday this weekend on a motorcycle tour and I leave the following Saturday for a week in OR with my family.

We'll see! He did text me later yesterday afternoon as about my run, which was really nice. At least I know he was thinking about me.

Originally Posted by sbphotogr

Is it wrong of me to meet up with him if I have no intention other than networking?

I don't think so. You never know... he might be more attractive in person and you never know, he might not be interested in you in more than a network opportunity or potential friend.

[Kiki Runs]

Originally Posted by sbphotogr

It takes a balanced approach of diet and exercise for most, every body is different. I know some who never need a day of exercise to be thin as can be. I completely agree with the state of mental health in relation to exercise. When I am feeling depressed or down on myself, I hit the gym and my attitude will be changed at the end of the hour. Kickboxing is my anger management!

Ha! I was actually thinking more on this, and coming back to say: butterflymom's original comment was regarding weight loss, and it was absolutely correct: in terms of losing weight, portion restriction is the most effective method (according to current research). My brain translated "weight loss" into "getting healthy/fit" (mostly b/c I am So Very Tired of weight being equated with health that I guess I've developed a defense mechanism of assuming that when people talk about losing weight, what they mean is getting fit....lol).


So, yeah, if your goal is solely to lose weight, yup, restrict portion size.

This makes me so uncomfortable though : "I know some who never need a day of exercise to be thin as can be. " I do, too, and this is part of why I am so against weight being a measure of health - those thin folks who never exercise? They're not healthy, either. They're just more societally acceptable. I really wish it weren't the case, I wish we (even the medical community!) weren't judging a book by the cover, so to speak.



Anyway, sorry about the tangent there!



I had to take my kids to class yesterday (no school for them due to conferences). Luckily, just one class, and of course I cleared it with my prof ahead of time (he had actually suggested I bring them - crazy man! lol). They did fairly well, we took crayons and paper, and toaster waffles to eat. It was Anatomy class and we were covering the brain and vision, which my son LOVED. LOVED! He even asked a (semi) topical question, which the prof answered (great guy).

So after the (75 minute!) class, we were gathering up our stuff and letting the rest of the class head out the door before we started out. This guy came down to talk to the kids...I wasn't really paying attention, there were a lot of students walking down the stairs, I was gathering papers and trying to keep DS from running down to pepper the prof with more questions. This guy stopped and talked to the kids, asked how old they were, if they liked the class, etc. I looked up once I realized he was not moving along - Very Cute. And appeared to be *much* closer to my age than the rest of the class.

I was so pre-occupied with cleaning up our stuff and wrangling the kids that I didn't think much about it until later (too late, of course). I wish I'd engaged him a bit more, or at least put out a more friendly (less harried) vibe toward him! I mean, maybe he just likes kids, or my kids reminded him of his own kids at home with his wife lol, or maybe he was just bored....but *maybe* he was interested, and I totally spaced it. I'm not all torn up about it, but kinda kicking myself for not tuning in yesterday and chatting him up a bit.

On the other hand, I know where he'll be Tuesday and Thursday mornings for the next month or so! lol I don't know where he sits, but I'll have to keep an eye out next week. I also don't know that I could recognize him at a glance - he was wearing a cap, and I mainly remember his amazing eyes. I don't see myself wandering around campus staring deeply into every dude's eyes trying to find this guy lol.

Again, though, if he's really Into me, he'll try again....at least I hope so. And if he doesn't? He wasn't the guy for me, I guess.


In other news, the kids went to the XMIL's for the weekend (left after class yesterday). I'm planning a long run this afternoon, possibly going out with a friend or two this evening. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair done (looooooong overdue - it's bad lol) and then going out with some other friends - these friends are actually friends of my ex-boyfriend. We're not that extremely close, but they're ok (just young, we have different lifestyles, yk?). I'm excited to get my hair done and show up looking all hot....so they can report back to the ex-bf how amazing I look w/out him! Kinda kidding - no animosity or hard feelings there, but it never hurts to have good publicity lol.

At some point, I need to do dishes and laundry, clean my house and car, rake leaves, plan meals for next week.....heh. We'll see how much of that happens.

[Kiki Runs]

Originally Posted by sbphotogr

I may have found someone to meet up with on OkC. He’s a fellow photographer, so really that’s where the interest is. We have mostly been having photo geek conversations which I always enjoy. However, there is not much else that attracts me to this guy. Is it wrong of me to meet up with him if I have no intention other than networking?

Nope, so long as you're not leading him on (which I'm sure you're not). IMO, that's the whole point of those sites - to increase your contacts, whether it's finding The One, or finding a nice guy who you want to be friends with, or meeting a guy who's not The One but introduces you to his best friend who *is* The One.

One of my good friends is a guy I met on plenty of fish. We didn't hit it off as far as a romantic relationship, but we have grown to be good friends. He's friends with a lot of the women he's met online, which is a good sign (to me).


Oh, and you never know - you may meet in person and really hit it off! That's my biggest issue w/online dating, it's not the same as meeting in person - I miss out on a lot of nuance over the computer that I would pick up on in person. So you may feel differently once you meet him in "real life". Or, you may not, and you've got a new photography geek friend. Win-win!

[Rosehip]

Hi ladies!

Welcome DaughterofKali, Rambunctious Curls & Kiki!

Sieie - I hope everyone is feeling better!

EarthRoots - Time to date is tough! I live with my parents, so they help with childcare. It's free, which is huge. However, it's still sort of tough. I'm in school Monday-Friday, all day, so I want to/feel I should see the kids @ night. Also, I don't want to dump my kids on my parents all the time. So, I'm selective. I've been trying online dating for a couple of months. I've gotten quite a few winks and messages, but only corresponded with two guys who looked particularly promising, and only went out with one. I also try to schedule date or other adult socialization time when the kids would be otherwise occupied - with their father, already asleep for the night, etc. Oh, I have to say, that several of my wonderful girlfriends have offered to watch the kids if I wanted to go out & my parents cannot.

Holland - Any more updates? Sounds promising!

ShopPhoto - I really think a first meeting is SO preliminary that if someone piques your interest at all, go for it! You're not promising to marry him (or open a joint photography venture)

Butterfly - Anymore fun chivalry updates?

As for me. I last saw my squash partner about a week and a half ago. We went for a nice walk in a park and coffee. He was going to visit his kids (out of the country) last Wed, and returning, *I think* this Tues or Wed, tough I am not sure about the dates. He said he was going to bring me a gift from his country, but needed some info from me to get it. I emailed him w/the info, we emailed back and forth briefly, and he sent me some photos from his country and a suggestion that perhaps I visit sometime. Said he'd call when he returned. I haven't heard from him. I'm kind of bummed, because I have to say, I was really enjoying getting to know him. I think our values were pretty closely aligned, and he was fun. Oh well. If I hear from him again, I'd be delighted to go out with him, but right now, I really don't want to pursue someone. I want someone who is interested enough to do the work. I updated some info in my online profile, and got a couple of sort of promising winks today! Do you just wink back, or do you send a note? Not sure how to start a convo here...

[JohnnysGirl]

Lotus, how is that vegetarian dating site going?

muse, where are you? How are things with chicago guy?

LoveOhm, is 2ndHusband out of rehab?

Rosehip, I totally agree with you that it's so nice when a guy pursues. Just wink back or wait for an actual message. If they are motivated enough they will write you actual sentences. Is squash partner back in town? For how long has he been home without contacting you?

shophotogr Nothing wrong with suspecting there is no chance at romance when arranging a first meeting. Unless your profile puts it out there really clearly that you are on the market for romance and nothin' but. But if you kind of make it seem on your profile that you're in a low key search mode, and are open to new friends, networking, etc, as well as having your radar switched on for the possibility of something more, then that's fair enough. If your hunch is right and things go the way you think, he won't likely be disappointed because he probably wouldn't have felt that strongly toward you either, without getting any sexy, encouraging vibe back from you. He'll likely quickly draw the same conclusion himself. But you never know.... so it doesn't hurt to meet. Have you set things up yet to meet up?

Holland73, any news from you?

:

So the Chivalrous Hunter becomes more and more chivalrous. I went out with girlfriends and I clued him in about where I'd be and he showed up and stayed by my side, playing the dutiful gentleman role for me + my two girlfriends. When one needed a ride home, I asked him to run her to her place and then return and pick me up since I had other friends I could socialize with instead of spending half an hour in the car. He didn't mind at all and not only took her home but noticed her steps were treacherous and her heels were HIGH and stiletto and she was tipsy so he carried her up her steps, to her door. Sheesh, this takes ice scraper to a new level when he treats your tipsy girlfriends like that. He has such manners, class, dignity, and kindness I don't know what to say. I feel like a stupid little brat in comparison or something. He picked me up, we went for food, we went to my place, and when the subject of politics came up I was a little nervous that we'd disagree or just wouldn't enjoy discussing such sensitive issues, but I have to say that we agreed in an extremely big way. He has a larger propensity to discuss such issues with me than any man I've met this year. We snuggled to sleep and he made a few remarks about being a family man in a big way and hoping for more children and lots of grand kids one day and asked how I felt about more kids, if I wanted them.... he seems like he's falling in love with me fast and even said half-kidding that he hopes he remarries, and with me. I laughed but I could tell he wasn't exactly joking, that he meant that the feelings that are starting on his end would ideally lead down the aisle one day. I can't say I'm feeling anything close to that yet but I'm such a chatterbox and so open I can imagine that he really has a very good idea about the many sides of me right away, whereas he's much less chatty, communicating in a foreign language, and reserved next to me so I tend to dominate discussion and I cant' even seem to stop myself when I see it happening. Dead air just makes me jump in and tell a story.

There's nothing wrong with him to the point that I'm wondering why I'm not falling in love myself, and only like him a lot. I will keep seeing him. 48 hours until our next date..... I'm gonna suggest disco bowling because he is so dignified and classy and gentlemanly that it borders on stuffy (but he's SO sweet so not in a smug/cold way) and makes the 12.5 years between us almost feel like an issue. I want to see him loosen up, be silly, relax, so I can feel like we are really peers, and I'm not trying to rise to his level of sophistication or that he's not reducing himself to my fun-loving-ness just to have a pretty girl on his arm. let's see what happens.....

[Seie]

Butterflymom: The hunter sounds awesome.. But I admit that his fast approach is a bit scary to me.. Mentioning marriage so soon would spook me a bit. But other than that he sounds really sweet and serious.

Danishmom. Ok you asked for it. You can't just post such exciting news in the main forum without updating us here! What is going on? Im uber-curious