DP unsupportive?

[jazzybaby9]

Or shocked? His reaction was nothing like I thought it would be, even if the pg was unplanned!

[ScarletBegonias]

this pg was unplanned and a shock and dh is excited. sooo relieved. i felt like i might get "blamed", but he is awesome enough to know that we are in family planning together and it takes two to make a baby. hooray!

[maranapanda]

This was a shock, and my husband is somewhere between handling it amazing, super supportive, helpful, if not terribly exited..... to.... HORRIBLE, self destructive, angry, not at all excited. Most days have been good, but we have had two very bad ones.

I don't want to get into a vent about his actions, and Believe me, if I did, I am SURE I would have everyone's support that he was being a huge A**...(nothing violent or cheating, or that caliber) We weren't going to have anymore kids. I wanted one more, and he told me in one very honest conversation "I really don't think I could handle it. I can't do it again, I am so sorry". So when we got our BFP I was worried he was going to freak... He is trying, and I am grateful for that. Just wanted to say that ya, we are struggling a bit.

[michellebelle]

Not this time, but DS was a surprise blessing...(my now) DH and I had only been together 6 months at that time, so needless to say we went through a lot of adjustments in the first few months.

[welsh]

DS was a suprise and it was new and exciting for us both. This time DH doesn't seem that interested. I think he doesn't quite believe it because it hasn't been confirmed by a medical professional.
Last time I only found out that I was pg because I went for a well woman check and my ob did a blood draw. I didn't even POAS!

[zoie2013]

Um, yeah. Not so great. The morning I got my first faint bfp, I went into our home office to tell dh and he said that he had been meaning to talk with me because he no longer wants to have any more children. I sat down in shock and didn't listen to his reasons. So, I really have no idea why he said this. I've been avoiding him all week. Right now, I'm feeling betrayed and angry. I'm planning to ask my mom to watch the kids so that we can go out to dinner this week. I'd like to discuss what he said before I tell him that I'm pg. Wish I could chug a couple of margaritas while having this discussion

[bjorker]

Originally Posted by zoie2013

Um, yeah. Not so great. The morning I got my first faint bfp, I went into our home office to tell dh and he said that he had been meaning to talk with me because he no longer wants to have any more children. I sat down in shock and didn't listen to his reasons. So, I really have no idea why he said this. I've been avoiding him all week. Right now, I'm feeling betrayed and angry. I'm planning to ask my mom to watch the kids so that we can go out to dinner this week. I'd like to discuss what he said before I tell him that I'm pg. Wish I could chug a couple of margaritas while having this discussion

Oh wow, that's rough.
Best wishes. And remember, it takes two people to make a baby and he's the one that changed his mind.

[jazzybaby9]

to all of you...

Here's my shortened story:

DD is from a previous relationship, her father is still in the picture, but we were the cliche young & in love teen couple and we now know we are both good people, but not right for eachother. Our parenting plan works out wonderfully!

DP, however, came into the picture a little under a year ago and has been amazingly supportive and understand that I have DD. In the beginning he played with her, read to her, cooked for her, etc...he proposed a couple months ago (one of those relationships that moves forward ultra-quick) and him being THE SECOND MAN I'VE EVER BEEN WITH, I was a little hesitant.

Anyway, we were planning to get married and start a family together.
Well, now that I am unexpectedly pg...he reacted in a selfish, insensitive, self-pitying way. I NEVER saw it coming. He said some very hurtful things and though my children will have different dads and there is a possibility I will be single mother again...I will go thru with the pg because that is what my heart and intuition tell me to do... I'm just a little overwhelmed. The reason his reaction surprised me is because his ex had a late abortion and this tore him up and he told me he would never want me to do that to him...we agreed. And now he is expecting me to have an abortion or it will "ruin" his life... I just don't know what to think. He wanted to WAIT to have kids, that was his big thing... sh!t happens when you DTD, KWIM? I can't just erase and move on, that's not how I tick. So I've spent a few days away from the apartment to think, and to let him think. Hopefully we can have a nice conversation when I decide to return.

[vegemamato]

I'm not in this ddc but I wanted to say that my husband reacted very negatively to both of our pregnancies (I have three kids, but my first is from a previous relationship). When I told him that I was pregnant with our first, he didn't believe it and had a little mental breakdown after it was confirmed and when I told him about my last pregnancy he said that he didn't want to talk/hear/see anything baby related for at least a week

When we've had scares (before even taking a test) he consistently tells me that he's never having sex again, and that he want me to do something about it (i.e. IUD or pills)..

After a while though, with pregnancies and scares, he's come around. I think he just has to step out of his own head and look at the whole picture. I try not to push him, and I try to be understanding (though abortion suggestions really mess with me).

So, I just wanted to post some and let you ladies know that I understand and that I've been there.. I wish all of you the best!!

[slgt]

to you mamas who are struggling with your DPs on this pregnancy.

[maranapanda]

I am so sorry he was mean. I know that in my experience, with my dh, he just needs time. Time to wrap his head around his new responsibility. I am the romantic, and the optimist, and the one with a vision. He is the scientist, the facts man, the one with a spread sheet. And I mean that literally, the boy has a freak'n spread sheet for EVERYTHING! He is so silly.


It is a really vulnerable time for us, and to have a partner take out their own concerns... well... Much love to you Jazzybaby9!

[jazzybaby9]

Originally Posted by maranapanda

I am so sorry he was mean. I know that in my experience, with my dh, he just needs time. Time to wrap his head around his new responsibility. I am the romantic, and the optimist, and the one with a vision. He is the scientist, the facts man, the one with a spread sheet. And I mean that literally, the boy has a freak'n spread sheet for EVERYTHING! He is so silly.


It is a really vulnerable time for us, and to have a partner take out their own concerns... well... Much love to you Jazzybaby9!

Yes, he just needed time All is well!

[Juise]

to the mamas not getting the support they deserve DP did take a while to wrap his head around it last time, and I was really irritated by all his "last flings" with irresponsibility because when you're the mama, you don't have that time, or that choice and it pissed me off. But after that, everything was fine and he's an awesome papa

[maranapanda]

Originally Posted by jazzybaby9

Yes, he just needed time All is well!

Good to hear! Me too, lets hope our boys stay this way! Thankfully my DH has enough experience with me to know that the more hormonal pregnant I get, the WAY less you want to mess with me. I will take him d-o-w-n!

[Surfacing]

It's nice to hear the dp's are coming around. So true Maranapanda, that this is a vulnerable time for all of us, INCLUDING our dp's. Let's face it, there are additional responsibilities that come with more children (financial, emotional, mental, physical, etc). KWIM? For those of us who have other children, it will be a time of change and transition for them too. We will all have to adapt.

Fortunately we have 9 months to get all our yelling and running around out of our systems.