How much attention should I give 14 mo?

[winter singer]

DD began walking a few weeks ago and has begun to carry toys around. She'll often bring one over to me and want me to play with it.

I can't always do so of course. Just now I had to cook dinner, for example. She got very upset for about 10 minutes, and kept trying to push the toy (a stuffed dog) into my hands. I sympathized with her, saying things like "I know you really want to play with me and I can see you're frustrated but I have to cook right now", but kept on chopping. Eventually she calmed down and started playing with something else.

She seemed happy enough in the end, but I'm wondering if I did the right thing. I did have to get that meal cooked, and I guess I also don't want her to think that I (or any other person) exist solely for her amusement.

But I wonder if it was right for me to just go on working when she was so upset. I don't want her to think that I'm not interested in how she's feeling. It wouldn't have killed me to put the knife down and give her a hug...although it would have delayed the meal!

Any thoughts much appreciated!

[hugzandkissez]

Do you have a cupboard at DD reach to where she can pull out bowls and pots to explore so she can be near you in the kitchen?

I'm sure you will fall into your own rythem, I use to pre prep as much as possible while my lil one was /napping or engaged in something else. If I didn't have chopping to do or anything to dangerous I just held him on my hip.
My lil one is 6 now and doesn't mind when it's time for me to cook dinner. He is actually very independent in his play and I held him all the time. Sometimes we have dinner a bit later then I plan, but for me it is time well invested.

Hang in there!

[mum21andtwins]

Why cant he help? when I'm cooking I often have my 5y/o and my 2y/o twins nearby with pots and spoons and rice or whatever I have on hand to mix it and they are happy.

Imo letting her cry so you can make a meal is no better than cio at bedtime. Next time you cook have things for her to do with you, if she brings a dog say something like I'd love to play with dog can he join me here and cook with me? heres a pot for you can you mix the rice and lentils for me? or maybe she can mix some oats & raisins and some honey and later on you turn these into flapjacks.
Mashing up a banana is a great way for her to cook and have something snacky whilst you make dinner.

hth!

[chfriend]

Would she be happy being worn while you cook? You could make conversation for the stuffed animal while you cook.

Not long after each dd started to walk, we got a learning tower so she could be up where we were when we were doing a house project.

We also go kid sized equipment from For Small Hands so she could play along, imitating what we did.

[dianakaye]

Dinner time with my 11 month old is the hardest time of the day for me. Makes me want to pull my hair out.

1) I second the suggestion for doing as much prep as possible during nap time or times when he/she is otherwise happily engaged.
2) I've found letting my DS play with the things in the cupboards or spices helps. Bringing toys into the kitchen and r
3) I've made a rule with myself - if nothing is going to burn or blow up, I can take a couple of minutes to engage with my son, play for a couple minutes and make eye contact, give hugs. It's kind of maddening to stop what I'm doing every few seconds to redirect him or play with him for a couple minutes, but I think he just really wants to know he hasn't been forgotten.
4) Show your LO what you're doing and talk her through it.
5) In a few months (maybe even now, who knows) she would probably LOVE a play kitchen and do everything mom is doing.

Good luck with dinner time- I'm right there with you!

[ComplexOphelia]

Originally Posted by mum21andtwins

Imo letting her cry so you can make a meal is no better than cio at bedtime.
hth!

Sometimes it can be hard to drop making a meal - my husband has an hour break some days after work before he has to go in for rehearsals, and so I NEED to have dinner made by then so we can eat! I've definitely been known to let DS get a little more upset than I would when doing a chore like folding laundry, which can be finished anytime, versus cooking a meal to make sure everyone is fed during our hour-long window. To me, this is very different from CIO - ignoring a screaming baby and leaving them alone in a room is much more drastic than, "Baby, I need to chop this onion, but I'll be able to play as soon as I'm done!"

To the OP - I'm sure your relationship with your daughter hasn't been irreparably harmed by this! It can definitely be hard to feel like you only exist for the amusement of this little person, and it's really hard to work within time constraints while trying to honor the requests of a toddler. You do have to eat, and you have to eat healthy food - I know that if I don't have dinner done at a reasonable time, my blood sugar drops, and I'm not a happy or patient Momma or partner!

So, in the interests of everyone, I don't necessarily immediately drop everything to play with DS when he wants me to on the nights that I'm responsible for getting dinner on the table. Sometimes he is frustrated by that, and I make sure to let him know I hear him and love him and will be with him very shortly. I'm happy to wear him in the sling if he needs to be close, but if he doesn't want that, sometimes he has to wait for me to get everything poured into a bowl or the frying pan before I can hold or play with him. We do gauge it, though. If DS is having a hard day, like he's teething and needs a momma desperately, we have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner. Obviously, we can't do that every night and stay healthy - we need some green stuff sometimes!

The suggestion of doing as much prep at naptime as possible is a really good one. I've also made good friends with our Crock Pot - being able to dump stuff in in the morning and have it ready at dinner is awesome, and takes a lot of pressure off of me.

Try "filling up her cup." As I said, I've got a "due time" for dinner some nights. On those days, I plan to take half an hour before I need to do chopping or sauteeing (is that a word?) to sit and play with DS at whatever he wants to do. Lots of eye contact, snuggles, and laughing! I find it's much easier for him to entertain himself if he's had a good, undistracted one-on-one time with me immediately beforehand.

Playing with pots and pans has also been a godsend at our house! Could you try having some "special" kitchen toys that only come out at cooking time?

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by ComplexOphelia

To me, this is very different from CIO - ignoring a screaming baby and leaving them alone in a room is much more drastic than, "Baby, I need to chop this onion, but I'll be able to play as soon as I'm done!"

Absolutely. It's a world of difference. The baby isn't being neglected. She's just frustrated because of not getting undivided attention.

To the OP, I'd agree that the baby will eventually have to learn a bit of patience. But no, it won't ruin anything to take a moment, give her a hug and a kiss, and say "we'll play with the dog as soon as mama is finished with dinner." Neither will it ruin her to wait until dinner is finished to play with the dog. She's old enough to start learning how to cope with that type of situation.

[weliveintheforest]

Originally Posted by winter singer

She seemed happy enough in the end, but I'm wondering if I did the right thing. I did have to get that meal cooked, and I guess I also don't want her to think that I (or any other person) exist solely for her amusement.

But I wonder if it was right for me to just go on working when she was so upset. I don't want her to think that I'm not interested in how she's feeling. It wouldn't have killed me to put the knife down and give her a hug...although it would have delayed the meal!

I don't think there is anything wrong with how you handled it, and I don't think you were holding back attention. It's not like that's how your whole day is, she will get upset once in a while no matter what you do.

[Chamsia]

As a mama to just one kiddo, (though I'm pregnant now), I often struggle with this kind of thing. Your dd needs to learn that she is not the center of the universe. But she also needs to know that you love her always, so much, and that she is sooooooooo important to you!

All the pp suggestions are great. My dd is 3 1/2 and dinner prep is still a frustration to me many nights a week. I have lots of ways to deal with her (her own station, and/or letting her stand on a chair by my side and "help".) But the truth is, at that time of day, my patience is nearly worn out and OH how I just want to get the cooking done with! Haha!

You'll find your way, and you handled it just fine. My dd has a "station" in our kitchen--and we have a small kitchen. She stands on a chair by a certain corner of countertop, where she has crayons and paper and some toys. She moves the chair over to me if she's helping to cook (and she's well trained to always wash her hands with soap and roll up her sleeves first.) But the station allows her to be near me while occupying herself with coloring, stickers, stamping, whatever. We can chat back and forth and have fun together while I'm actually productive. She has also learned other good things this way, like that she has to stay far away and still when I open the oven.

Again, you'll do great---this takes time for everyone, but you'll find your way. Best wishes!

[Miss Chris]

I just want to say I think you did a really good job. You weren't neglecting her. She wasn't in drastic need of something. Your daughter was upset because she wants what she wants when she wants it. Don't we all. But when she realized that wasn't possible she amused herself. This is a win! She took an important first step on an important lesson and overcame an emotional obstacle, you got dinner finished. Nicely done.

Miss Chris

[pumpkinseed]

Originally Posted by Miss Chris

I just want to say I think you did a really good job. You weren't neglecting her. She wasn't in drastic need of something. Your daughter was upset because she wants what she wants when she wants it. Don't we all. But when she realized that wasn't possible she amused herself. This is a win! She took an important first step on an important lesson and overcame an emotional obstacle, you got dinner finished. Nicely done.

Miss Chris

Yes-this.

[winter singer]

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies! Just to be clear - she was just trying to get me to take the dog and play with her; if she'd asked for a hug (she generally does so by holding her arms out towards me or by clinging to my leg) she would have got it immediately!

Anyway, you've all given me lots of good ideas and also helped me clarify my own thoughts about this whole subject. I must admit that there's something a little bittersweet about the idea that DD is learning to cope without me...I mean, doesn't she realise that her whole universe is supposed to permanently revolve around me??