Negative feelings toward the baby - how to get over them? - Page 2

[mamatolevi]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I have a friend who had A LOT of abdominal surgeries due to crohn's and when she had her twins it was considered really risky. She ended up working with her ob and her GI surgeon. Have you considered contacting your (or if you've moved, another) GI surgeon to be available at the birth?

Are you certain that they absolutely have to put you under if it's a planned c/s? If the baby doesn't turn from transverse to a birthable position, then it would be a planned surgery v. a homebirth transfer and that gives you some time to make decisions. I can see doing a planned c/s and then if there's a complication needing to put you under, but if there's nota complication keeping you awake.

I am curious, you say that you have an intestine adhered to your uterus? is that based on a current u/s or from before you got pg? I am asking b/c my friend's drs were pretty clear that they expected many of her adhesions to separate (not sure that's the right term... move?) as the pregnancy progressed from the uterus slowly growing and everything shifting around. I'm wondering if maybe the intestine moved durring your pregnancy? slim chance, I know, but possible and could be worth looking into. An u/s to see it's location would be fairly noninvasive.

Hugs.

[ccohenou]

That kind of goes back to what I wrote above:
If you have medical records indicating that a cesarean would be outrageously dangerous for you, you need to have an OB who *has those records* and can make a plan for you in advance. There are conditions where surgery needs to be avoided at almost all costs - a real 50% chance of death under the knife would be totally unacceptable. You need to have a plan that might include having several doctors present for your surgery to handle potential GI complications, having all the records from your prior procedures to be aware of the changes in your anatomy, or planning a vaginal breech birth because the risk of surgery for you would outweigh the risk of a breech.

[JayJay]

DDC crashing - sorry!

Your post made me think, and I have an answer for you from personal experience. I don't blame you for what you feel at all - during my last pregnancy I would have felt the same way as well - heck - I'd feel the same way this time too, though right now she's looking to be head down and has been for several weeks, so fingers crossed it's where she wants to stay!

I cannot, by any means, get up on a preachy pedestal and go "hey, the main thing is that the baby is fine!" or any of that BS. I want a VBAC this time around and for me, the birth experience is terribly important - I damn well DON'T want another cesarean! My first was an emergency cesarean and the recovery was horrendously painful - I cannot for the life of me imagine breastfeeding so doped up.

But at the same time, it's all about the way you approach it. You don't want to feel resentment toward this baby - of course you don't. Anger however, is a natural human emotion and actually something very healthy to express: in the right way. So here's my advice - and please know this is NOT any kind of "I lost my baby, so you'd better feel lucky" stuff - though yes, after all that bull, I did lose Josie and oh gosh mama...the pain is on a level with a totally different universe:

I would honestly simply say to yourself "well, here are how things are. Hate is not going to make this better - it will just compound the intense feelings I have right now about what is happening. So I need to drop my shoulders and close my eyes and reset..."

Perhaps, run a bath. Somewhere very quiet. You're right: the phrase "all that matters is a healthy baby" is complete rubbish - we all know that. But now, know that your child isn't trying to piss you off here - she will do things that do annoy you throughout her life at times - unintentionally. At those times, your best bet is to take a very deep breath, reset and re-approach the situation.

Sit in your bath - lay right back if you can and sweep the water over your belly. If this birth does not turn out the way you want it to, it is nobody's fault. Nobody is to blame. You're a good mama - your baby is a good and wanted baby. Birth is very important, but having an imperfect birth need not be "the end" of everything either.

In the end, what you're worried about I expect, in your deepest heart, is being taken advantage of and losing control. Fair enough - totally fair and completely understandable. To have this power taken away from you is very difficult for any of us - any enlightened woman who isn't scared of childbirth. But you're not broken; you baby isn't broken; your body isn't broken.

So yes, relax there for a little while and be calm. If this is how it is going to be, it's going to probably feel less stressful if you relax a little every day leading up to the birth. Let go of the anger and the resentment - you can do it - you can. And most of all, please, don't be mad at yourself for feeling - your human - you have emotions and it's okay!

As other posters I'm sure have mentioned (I didn't read everything), babies are very capable of turning right up until the point of labor, and many turn in labor. So all is not lost. If only we had control over so much more than we do, huh....?

*PEACE and HUGE hugs to you, Mama* XXXXX