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wow exactly what i didnt need (long)

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
ok so some of you know the story with my sister a long time drug addict if not heres a short story

my sister has been on and off drugs for about 10-15 years now
last year around july she was living with her gf and she got caught trying to sell a very large amount of drugs and taken to jail
my mother and i called everyone to help raise money to get her out of jail
i got ahold of my best friend of 11 years at that time he was in iraq fighting for our country
i asked him to help and all he said was how much jen he sent me 5000$ to bail her out that was 10% of her bond 5000$! at the drop of a hat he was there for me he has been my best friend for 11 years and a very big part of my family as he doesnt really have one
so the next month he came home from iraq my sister was out and he and i did everything together like we did before he left lunch 2-3times a week watching moves all night i mean vince thats his name and i slept in the same bed many of times he is like a brother to me

so he had been home a month or so came over to take me out to dinner and i was really sick so i said well why dont you take my sister shes pretty depressed about everything and she could use the time out (at this time she was sober)
well long story short my sister and him started dateing i told them both this IS NOT a good idea i told them what happens if you two dont work out between him and me?
they told me it wasnt that serious and you know once you tell someone not to date someone that they want to even more
things where good we all hung out went out my sister my best friend and my hubby
cant beat that right?

well the day came for my sister trial we where all there long story short she got sentenced to 9months in a prison rehab and after a half way house and probation for 10 years
she was sent to bernet texas that is about 3 and a half hrs drive from our home and she was allowed to have visitors once a week on sat or sunday

vince drove every weekend to see her EVERY weekend for 9months
then finally she got sent to the half way house and it was in dallas about 45min drive so we got to go see her every weekend we had to sit threw a 2hrs meeting every time to beable to see her
well about the 3rd week in vince had deiced my sister was the one he went to robins brothers and got her a beautiful 2carrot engagement ring
he gave it to her the next weekend i was so happy
what more can someone ask for but for your best friend of 12 years to end up happily married to your sister and be your brother for ever right?

so things are Great my sister is sober and about to get out and be clean!
she got out 3 weeks ago
she has been living with us ever sence and vince has been here everyday
well now 2 of her "rehab buddys": have gotten out and shes had them here yesterday vince went home to do some stuff and my sister decied iut was Girls day but didnt bother to tell vince she just wanted to hang out with her girl friends so he came back over and she litterly just ignored him
and of corse his feelings got hurt as anyones would he has been paying for everything for her for over a year now $ on her books to eat in prison cigarettes cloths court fees everything

and now she couldnt care less becasue her "friends are here"
so vince got upset and was down stairs txting her and she wouldnt even come down and talk to him so he texted hr do you love me? she said i can not answer that right now so he said ok im leaveing came up stairs to get his laptop and the Brand new iphone he had just got her and his ring
and my Crazy sister jumped him like litterly and heres my 9months preg ass jumping in the middle of them trying to break it up as he friens just stood there
now my leg is ALL jacked up she said she didnt have the ring and i told vince to just go if he wanted i would get it i needed the situation to be done with at this time my son was upset i was upset everyone was

so i came out in to the living room and lost it vince came over to me and hugged me and said i love you jen and i told him i love you too your my best friend and he just said i know and left

he wont text me back or pick up his phone i didnt sleep last night im so worried about him i know he will never come back here if she is here and i feel like ive lost my best friend forever my DH tryed his best to understand but he doesnt know what its like to lose someone that means so much to you

i am so angry at my sister i cant even look at her this is stuff she did when she was on drugs and i thought sence she is sober it would all be diffrent i dont evne know what to do ive spent the last 12 hrs in bed sobbing i feel like my heart is broken
post #2 of 11

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this--especially right now.

You need another
post #3 of 11
I hope you are able to get ahold of him soon.
post #4 of 11

maybe he just needs some time to process what happened. he did take care of her for so long, the whole situation sounds crazy. i say just give him some time to process all of it and he should come around, you've been friends for a long time! hopefully it'll all die down after a while and you'll have your friend back.
post #5 of 11
I think you, Vince, your mom, and all else, could use a bit of counseling. Look into it. Family and friends often want to believe so hard that a few months of sobriety means that the addict is "cured," but the truth is it can take years, and even then, it's a constant struggle. Think of sobriety as brain cancer. It can seem to go away, but the word "cured" won't be used. It's remission. It can come back. A drug habit can come back. It's constant vigilance. She has to keep working on it. People in 12-step programs don't leave at the end of the course. They keep going, and proudly stand to declare it's been X years, Y months Z days.

I've known more than my fair share of addicts. Most of my relatives are addicts. My mom is an alcohol addict. My dad was one until he shot himself. The only ones who've stayed sober for loner than a couple years are those very few who at least monthly go to meetings to keep working on it.

There is a red flag I see here. Your sister is choosing as friends people who are fellow addicts, and she very likely feels that they understand her more than anyone else. Their common bond is drugs. She's no longer distancing herself as much as possible from her extensive drug-history. She's bringing it right back into her life.

Those friends might be good people, but she needs right now to be as far from anything related to drugs as possible.

Is Vince willing to put up with this for many years to come? He may be in love with her, with who she is as a person, but her vice may still be too much for him to handle for years without having support himself.

Another red flag is that, when he asked if she still loved him, after she accepted an engagement ring, she said she couldn't answer. If she did, it would have been quicker to reply with three letters.
post #6 of 11
Oh sweetie. Too much drama for being at the end of a rough pregnancy. It's really awesome that your sister has been sober for some time now. The thing is, the addict behavior takes longer to get over. People generally become addicts because there are things they lack the skills to deal with. Taking away the drugs or the pills or the alcohol is a huge step, but it's really where the work begins.

It's totally within your right to say this kind of drama isn't acceptable, not in front of your son, and not when Kayleigh will be here soon. If your sister can't respect that in your house, maybe she needs to find another place to stay.

But I wouldn't count things as over between anyone. Emotions were running high last night, and you (all of you) haven't had much time to process everything. What's most important for YOU is to CHILL baby girl! If Vince needs some time to cool off, let him have it. I know it was your worst fear when they got together that it would end poorly, but I really don't think that's what's happened just yet - they just had a fight.

I hope you can find some way to relax today. You deserve it!
post #7 of 11
Thread Starter 
well i know vince so well its over he isnt the kind of guy to get over something like this
and i dont blame him in one bit but i Need to know he is ok
post #8 of 11
No words to say, but you definetly need a . I'm thinking of you.
post #9 of 11
Thread Starter 
thanks ladys
its been a pretty crap day ididnt sleep last night and i didnt sleep today i still havent heard from him and my sister is walking around likelife is great i cant even bring myself to speak to her becasue i know it will not end well
i just wish he would txt me or call me just to let me know hes ok in 12 years this is prob the longest ive goen with out talking to him other then when he was in iraq
post #10 of 11
Vince needs a backbone and some self esteem, because he has turned into Captain Save Em. He had no business bailing her out in the first place or considering dating her. (FYI, I'm another with addicts in my fam.)

I think you need to ignore both of them until the baby is here, you have someone who needs you to be emotionally healthy right now.
post #11 of 11
Thread Starter 
i know but i just cant ignore him i cant he is such a big part of my life i want him here when this baby is born and if that means my sister isnt then so be it
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