Autumn Unitarian Universalist Thread - All Welcome

[Adele_Mommy]

Welcome to the Autumn support, community, information, conversation, and fun thread for UUs and UU curious.

Here is the link to the previous October thread.

This month I have two questions I would love to get input on from MDC UU's.

1. I attend the First Unitarian Church of Des Moines. This church has been around for over 130 years. Next week we are having a forum to discuss changing the name of the church, probably to First Unitarian Universalist Church of Des Moines. A retired UU minister who became a minister via the Universalists prior to the merge and who is now a member of our congregation gave a very convincing sermon a couple weeks ago on UU identity and why we should change our name. I mostly think we should but there is a small part of me that worries about those people who have been members of this church since before the merge and wonders whether changing the name would be rejecting our long and rich history. What do you think?

2. Aeress asked a question in a separate thread about Spirit Play and didn't get any response, which makes me think her thread might have gotten missed. We don't use Spirit Play at my church, so I can't provide any input, but I thought some readers of this thread might be able to help. Aeress - if you would prefer not to have a link to your thread in this one, just let me know and I will remove it.

If those questions don't interest you, come on in anyway and say "Hi", ask a question, tell a story, or feel free to just lurk for awhile.

"It would be possible to describe everything scientifically, but it would make no sense; it would be without meaning, as if you described a Beethoven symphony as a variation of wave pressure." ~ Albert Einstein

Wishing you all a month of peace, joy, love, and family.



Adele

Edited to change thread from monthly to seasonal.

[artgoddess]

Thanks for starting the thread Adele, it's wonderful to have you keep this going. In answer to the questions:

I think that it's much more important to the history of Unitarian Universalism to change the name of your church. I understand that some may not feel comfortable with it at first, but since when has an important change been comfortable for everyone? And aside from that, the merge happened 48 years ago!

Aeress, I'm sorry I am not familiar with the Spirit Play curriculum.

I'm really enjoying the mentor committee for our intern minister. I'm chairing the committee and have promised to bring opening words to our next meeting. Because my DD won't stay in child care but also won't be quiet enough to sit in services I haven't heard a sermon in nearly a year. It feels good to be involved with a small group of UU's working together on our own spirituality and together with the intern minister of my church. The intern found a great meeting agenda we are borrowing that blends the spiritual and the business of our meetings beautifully.

If anyone is on face book and would like, both Skinner House (which gives a daily meditation) and The UU World have pages/groups you can join.

[siobhang]

not able to respond right now - just subbing. MOre soon.

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

*snip* . . . the merge happened 48 years ago! .

When you put it that way, I don't know what I was worried about!

Originally Posted by artgoddess

I'm really enjoying the mentor committee for our intern minister. I'm chairing the committee and have promised to bring opening words to our next meeting. Because my DD won't stay in child care but also won't be quiet enough to sit in services I haven't heard a sermon in nearly a year. It feels good to be involved with a small group of UU's working together on our own spirituality and together with the intern minister of my church. The intern found a great meeting agenda we are borrowing that blends the spiritual and the business of our meetings beautifully.

If anyone is on face book and would like, both Skinner House (which gives a daily meditation) and The UU World have pages/groups you can join.

I am glad you are enjoying being on the mentor committee and getting some regular "spiritual" time. I am finding having an intern at our church very interesting and rewarding even though I am not on the mentoring committee. I am on the Religious Services committee, and in fact, I am supposed to bring the opening reading for our next meeting too! Please let me know if you find something really good!

I am on facebook and have joined the UU World page. I would love to "friend" you if you PM your fb name to me. More than 50 of my fb friends are members of my church!

[treehugz]

Hello UU's! Not sure if this is the right place to ask my question, so let me know if I need to post elsewhere and not interrupt your thread!!

I just joined a UU church and I need a little help. I am ready to "come out of the closet" to my inlaws who are very fundy Christian (and think UU's are evil!). I've known them for 6 years, but I am very introverted and consider my beliefs as my private business... I am also pretty passive, so I don't voice my opinion unless something directly affects me. My dh is also Christian and has begged me to just go along with it because he knows it's going to open a big can of worms. I've gone to church with them in the past (we were married in a church) and I sit quietly during their mealtime prayers and various Christian rants as an observer. But it's time this pretense ended because my daughter is getting older, I need to be clear that we plan to raise her in the UU church. I know my MIL will be "SO disappointed", will be very verbal in her disapproval, and will likely make all future interactions uncomfortable, especially for my dh. I hate having to explain myself and having to talk about and defend something that is so personal to me, but I can't avoid it any longer.

My MIL is very fundamental and pretty aggressive, and I know that as soon as this topic comes up, I will be cornered. I have to think before I reply to things, and I can't come up with quick retorts unless I've thought through it ahead of time... so can anyone give me some ideas for how to handle this? We're visiting her next weekend and I imagine she'll ask "are you coming to church with us tomorrow?" When I say no, she'll ask why. Then I'll have to explain that I go to a UU church, and what they believe, and what I believe, and how we plan to raise our dd spiritually. PLEASE, any suggestions or support you can give would be greatly appreciated.

[Adele_Mommy]

treehugz!

This is totally the right place to ask your question. That is part of why this thread is here.

I was not raised Christian and my dh's family is not at all aggressive about pushing their beliefs, so I can't give you any help from personal experience. I'm sure others will chime in though. And, I will of course offer my anyway .

For an occasional visit, you can go to their church if you want. I used to have major problems even entering the doors of a fundamentalist Christian church. Being UU has actually helped me tolerate it much better. My minister has talked about "decoding", which I find helpful. This means translating the imagery and words that are not meaningful (or even offensive) to you in your head so you can still appreciate the underlying message. Many Christian churches do usually preach messages of love, forgiveness, and helping others if you can get past the gender-specific and sacrifice and sin-oriented language. If your MIL's church really is preaching a message of intolerance, punishment, or the like on a regular basis, then I wouldn't go and I would simply say that you don't want to go because you do not agree with the message put forth by that church. You don't have to explain your own theology in detail. If you do go, I would be sure to talk with your dd afterward to make sure she understands that this is Grandma's way of being spiritual, but it is not yours.

When your in-laws visit you I would definitely invite them to come to church with you. They probably won't, but maybe they will and then they can see for themselves without you having to explain and find yourself put on the defensive. Here is a sermon my minister gave a few years ago. The topic is salvation and what that might mean, if anything, to a UU, but he talks a lot about dealing with his grandparents' negative reaction to his faith and with possible responses to the question, "Are you saved?" If you feel comfortable enough with your minister, this is certainly a question you can discuss with her or him too.

I am really glad you have found a UU church that looks like it will be a spiritual home for you and your family. I hope you can find a way to deal with your in-laws so your dd can have the benefits of grandparents in her life without you having to constantly be on the defensive about your beliefs. Good luck!

[tammylsmith]

I am on the path to membership at my local UU meeting house in NJ. We have a new minister, who is leading the class. She is just wonderful, and so inspirational, and one of the things we have been practicing in our newbie meetings are "elevator speeches." (Explanations about UUism that can be distilled to a conversation short enough for an elevator ride). I found that this exercise really helped me to form clear thoughts that I could use to respond to a variety of questions/criticisms if need be (though dh and IL's are open minded, so I am lucky on that one). I also find that the 7 principles also offer me a simple foundation so that I can lay my conversational points in "bedrock," since I tend to go on tangients . It gives a positive framework to tell what UUs believe, rather than what we don't agree with. They are also pretty hard to argue with, in my opinion, though true fundamentalists will certainly always try. Just kill them with kindness. I like the UUA motto of "standing on the side of love." Just repeat that if all else fails.

[ambersrose]

Hello all! I attend the Unitarian Church of Los Alamos, NM and am the youth advisor for the 6th and 7th graders.

Originally Posted by Adele_Mommy

1. I attend the First Unitarian Church of Des Moines. This church has been around for over 130 years. Next week we are having a forum to discuss changing the name of the church, probably to First Unitarian Universalist Church of Des Moines. A retired UU minister who became a minister via the Universalists prior to the merge and who is now a member of our congregation gave a very convincing sermon a couple weeks ago on UU identity and why we should change our name. I mostly think we should but there is a small part of me that worries about those people who have been members of this church since before the merge and wonders whether changing the name would be rejecting our long and rich history. What do you think?

I think the addition of "Univeralist" to the name of your church in no way rejects its long rich history. It simply acknowledges the union of the two religions which happened officially in 1961.

[treehugz]

Originally Posted by Adele_Mommy

My minister has talked about "decoding", which I find helpful. This means translating the imagery and words that are not meaningful (or even offensive) to you in your head so you can still appreciate the underlying message... Here is a sermon my minister gave a few years ago.

Thanks for the warm welcome Adele_Mommy! I'm constantly decoding when I visit churches, but I've never heard it called that or knew there was a term for it. And I read the sermon... very interesting perspective. I will definitely remember that the next time I get asked about my salvation.

Originally Posted by tammylsmith

one of the things we have been practicing in our newbie meetings are "elevator speeches." (Explanations about UUism that can be distilled to a conversation short enough for an elevator ride).

tammylsmith, this is a great idea and would be really helpful for me! I'm definitely going to talk to our pastor about doing a meeting like this.

Well, I had the dreaded conversation with my MIL this weekend... I ambushed her with it really. She was in the middle of cooking supper and babysitting one of her grandkids, and as soon as there was a remotely related topic in conversation, I jumped on the opportunity and made the transition to joining the UU church. She was visibly uncomfortable, but was so distracted by other things, that I don't think she could really respond fully. She did caution me over and over to read the bible and be clear about my decision, but then the conversation was cut short by supper. So it wasn't as ugly as I had imagined and I didn't get cornered! I'm sure there will be some 'fall-out' conversations down the road (she'll probably corner my poor dh about being responsible for our dd's soul), but at least I've taken the first step!

[chaoticzenmom]

Good for you Treehugz! I'm sure you'll be ready for any fallout when it happens.

We use spiritplay in our church and I think it's going well. I was not happy with the curriculum at first when I went through the training and I was sure it wouldn't work. But it's working well, even for the "hyper" children. They start out with a little meditation of placing a stone into a fountain and thinking about something good, then they listen to a story that is being played out on a rug on the floor. They are really quiet during the story and the storyteller avoids eye contact so it stays quiet. Then, they have a choice of "work" that they can do and they sit on their rugs and do whatever activity they choose. I made the mistake of interrupting their play once when I was the teacher thought they seemed bored and the kids effectively put me in my place. I offered to read them another story and they looked at me like I had 2 heads. They wanted to do THEIR work, not listen to my story. So, spirit play is working well in our church.

I have a question of my own. How do you feel if your minister quotes scripture in the sermons? We have a new interim minister and I'm not feeling the love for her yet. I was just getting more comfortable with her and last Sunday, she started quoting Genesis, quoting God and talking about Noah. It was about God's promise of a rainbow. Anyway, I'm wondering if maybe the UU church has too Christian of a base for me to really ever feel at home there. The last minister may talk ABOUT the bible, but never quoted it and went all Baptist on us. Does your minister quote the bible?

[ambersrose]

The minister at my current church does more quoting scriptures and bible talk than I like but I also realize that the minister is only one part of the church community and in-spite of the bible talk, he does have a lot of good, inspirational, spiritual things to say. Does you church do covenant groups or small group ministry? I find this setting to give alot to the members of the church that are looking for more than.

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by tammylsmith

I am on the path to membership at my local UU meeting house in NJ. We have a new minister, who is leading the class. She is just wonderful, and so inspirational, and one of the things we have been practicing in our newbie meetings are "elevator speeches." (Explanations about UUism that can be distilled to a conversation short enough for an elevator ride). I found that this exercise really helped me to form clear thoughts that I could use to respond to a variety of questions/criticisms if need be (though dh and IL's are open minded, so I am lucky on that one). I also find that the 7 principles also offer me a simple foundation so that I can lay my conversational points in "bedrock," since I tend to go on tangients . It gives a positive framework to tell what UUs believe, rather than what we don't agree with. They are also pretty hard to argue with, in my opinion, though true fundamentalists will certainly always try. Just kill them with kindness. I like the UUA motto of "standing on the side of love." Just repeat that if all else fails.

I think these are great suggestions. Thanks, Tammy!

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by treehugz

*snip*

. . . but at least I've taken the first step!

Good for you!

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

I have a question of my own. How do you feel if your minister quotes scripture in the sermons? We have a new interim minister and I'm not feeling the love for her yet. I was just getting more comfortable with her and last Sunday, she started quoting Genesis, quoting God and talking about Noah. It was about God's promise of a rainbow. Anyway, I'm wondering if maybe the UU church has too Christian of a base for me to really ever feel at home there. The last minister may talk ABOUT the bible, but never quoted it and went all Baptist on us. Does your minister quote the bible?

Thanks for providing the info about your experiences with Spirit Play!

At my church on rare occasions one or both of the readings will come from the Bible. At the family Christmas Eve service we read from Matthew. Sometimes, but not always, the Easter service will reference the Bible, and then maybe one or two other services during the year might make reference to scripture or read from the Bible. I think how the scripture is being used and why is important. My church definitely does not have a Christian "feel". In fact, on more than one occasion the sermon has included concerns/warnings about us being too anti-Christian and how UUs shouldn't go to that extreme either. I get the impression that some people come to UU from other Christian religions where they had a very negative experience so just the use of the Bible for any purpose bothers them because of the associations (I'm not saying this is the case for you necessarily - just for some UUs). I was not raised in any religion, so I don't have those negative associations.

UU in general should definitely not be too Christian for you, but it sounds like this particular minister probably won't ever be an ideal fit for you. Since she is an interim minister, it is much more important that she help the congregation stay strong during this time of transition and provide guidance in selecting a permanent minister who is a good fit. Are you involved with the selection committee? I personally feel the minister is a very important, if not the most important, part of determining the "feel" of the church and the nature of my experience there, but that does not apply to an interim minister. If you feel comfortable with the congregation overall, then a minister who is a good fit for the church will probably be a good fit for you too. I hope so!

[columbusmomma]

DH and I are thinking of checking out our neighborhood UU church.
Can someone give me some links that I can read up on...I'm only a little familiar. TIA!

[chaoticzenmom]

Thanks Amber Rose and Adele. Actually, our church does have a humanist voice group, but I always get the impression that it's an older, kind of grumpy group. But I guess, I'm young and grumpy, so maybe I should go check it out. I know that they're unhappy with the church lately, feeling it's getting too "spiritual." I feel the same way, so I think I'll give that group a try and see how it goes. I've got my kids in choir and I'm on a committee, so I'm there way too often as is.

Adele, you got it right that I was raised in the South and I have very negative associations with the bible. Any scripture gets my guard up. I'm not sure if I'm ready for the search committee.....But I'll look into it.

Thanks

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by columbusmomma

DH and I are thinking of checking out our neighborhood UU church.
Can someone give me some links that I can read up on...I'm only a little familiar. TIA!

columbusmomma!

Your best intro to UU can be found at the Unitarian Universalist Association Website. The items in the left-hand menu on the linked page will give you a good overview.

Your local church may have a website as well and would give you a better idea of how that particular congregation views Unitarian Universalism. UU congregations can be quite different from one another in feel, though all will (or should) subscribe to The Seven Principles.

If you have any questions after reading the linked info, feel free to ask them here.

Good luck on your spiritual search!

Adele

[columbusmomma]

Thanks Adele!

[VisionaryMom]

Does anyone do Church of the Larger Fellowship? I know some have mentioned it here in past months, but I don't recall if it's anyone's primary method of worship.

We have decided to leave our church. The decision had been coming for a few months, and I feel "lighter" already having made it. Right now I'm working on an email to let everyone know and tie up some loose ends from my committee's work.

DH has expressed an interest in having services at our home, which really surprised me. So, I told him I'd check out CLF and see what I thought.

[ziggy]

I live in Maine and I worked really hard on the recent No On 1 campaign. Our county organizer is a member of the local UU church and all of our phone banks were held there. I was a full time volunteer-staff member during the last couple weeks of the campaign so I spent a lot of time at the church and with members of the congregation during that time.

After we lost marriage equality in Maine I was invited to a candlelight service at the church and then the next sunday it just seemed kind of natural that I would try a service there. And then the next Sunday. And I'm going again tomorrow (today - my gosh, it's nearly 3:30am). I love it.

I hated on religion for a long time because of some crappy experiences when I was in middle school. We attended a very, very evangelical congregation, kind of a mega church, and one time all of the youth group members had to stand up and our parents had to write something on a card that we were struggling with, and then we had to go up to the pulpit in front of everyone and read the card (that we hadn't seen) so that the congregation could lay hands on us. My card said something about how I was having trouble coming to terms with God's view on homosexuality and would not denounce it.

The UU church I've been going to? Totally has a queer minister.