What to say to 8yr old...

[poiyt]

So my neice posted on her FB that she had to get the Flu Vaccine...I asked why - honestly wondering if schools or her gymnastics was making it mandatory. Apprantly her mom says she has to get it so she doesnt get sick. (her mom is my sister).

I want to say something, but dont think its my place - but also think at 8 she could learn something about shots etc.

Do I say anything? What do I say...

I just think it should be her choice to make...not my sisters...

[eclipse]

I don't have an answer - but your 8 yo niece is on Facebook?

[BeckyBird]

That is a tough one! I hope somebody can help, because I need advice too. My sister does not have children yet, (she hopes to soon) but I would like to know what to do in this type of situation. How can you inform somebody without offending them?

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by poiyt

So my neice posted on her FB that she had to get the Swine Flu Vaccine...I asked why - honestly wondering if schools or her gymnastics was making it mandatory. Apprantly her mom says she has to get it so she doesnt get sick. (her mom is my sister).

I want to say something, but dont think its my place - but also think at 8 she could learn something about shots etc.

Do I say anything? What do I say...

I just think it should be her choice to make...not my sisters...

I think this is one of those times you keep your opinion to yourself. I personally would be livid if someone started questioning medical decisions I make on behalf of my children and bringing it up with my children, rather than with me directly if they have concerns.
As the mother of two 8 year olds atm, I don't think this is the kind of decision that they or their friends are capable of understanding. The decision to vax is a personal one. Discussing it as adults is one thing. Undermining another family's medical decisions with their children is a whole different ball of wax.

[stormborn]

I don't know if I'd touch that one. I guess it depends on how you think your sister would react. Word it carefully whatever you do.

I'm just thinking about what the reaction would be if someone told my unvaccinated 8 yo that, say, she was going to die of swine flu because we're not getting the shot. She knows enough about it that she wouldn't be alarmed but I'd still not be happy about it, kwim?

[mama1803]

Originally Posted by eclipse

I don't have an answer - but your 8 yo niece is on Facebook?

No advice from me either, but I'd have to wonder why an 8 year old is even allowed to be posting on FB???????

[Magali]

I really don't think you should say anything. My sister knows I am anti-vax and I thought she was too, until I found out the other day that they all went for the h1n1 shot. But, it is her choice to make, and although I disagree with that choice for my family, my sister is doing what is right for hers. The info is out there for both sides of the debate, if someone chooses the other side or chooses not to even entertain my side, well that is their right and they are entitled to it.

[mariekitt24]

That would be tough. I know I would have to bite my tongue hard. But I think everyone is right.. it probably is best to just not say anything. because as a PP mentioned, if it were turned the other way around, I know I get really mad when other people start butting in when they hear I DONT vaccinate. When they assume they know better, when they assume they have done more research, when they assume I am making a bad decision and just dont care about my kids. So I have to be really careful not to do the same thing to parents that vaccinate because I know just how rude it is. It's just SO hard. In the end, we all just don't want to see anybody get hurt. Some parents feel getting shots is the best way to avoid that, and others feel NOT getting them is, but in the end its a personal decision.
At most, I would post your own information on why you wont be vaccinating on your facebook, (I like to post informative links for everyone to see now and then) that way its there if the mom wants to read it, but you aren't directing it towards her so she shouldn't feel attacked. there's nothing wrong with trying to educate people so they can make informed decisions, but I wouldn't directly try to counsel her about it.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by poiyt

I just think it should be her choice to make...not my sisters...

Vaccinations aside, your opinion about your 8 yo niece making her own medical decision is irrelevant. The law gives your sister both the right and responsibility to make medical choices for her child.

If you have something to say about this vaccine, say it to your sister.

[FaithfulOne]

I have to agree with the pp's. Turn the situation around and lets assume your sis told your dd all about how she will get sick from all these vpd etc because she's not vaxed...you'd be pretty pissed right? (I know I'd be!!)
I know your heart just feels for your neice, me too. Maybe there are some other tips you can offer your sis to keep her lo's healthy and avoid taking any vax's?

[mommy2maya]

Originally Posted by poiyt

I just think it should be her choice to make...not my sisters...

I have an 8yo and she does NOT have the capacity to make her own medical decisions. She can barely make the decision to wear a red shirt or blue one on some days.

BUTT OUT, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by mommy2maya

BUTT OUT, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Word.

[JamesMama]

I'd just bite my tongue and move on.

DH will roll his eyes a bit when his sister or cousin post about how many shots their kids are getting per visit (One time my husbands 2nd cousin got FOUR shots, total of I think 7 illnesses? at ONE visit) because it always ends with "K got 3 shots today, he's running a fever and really grumpy. Poor baby." or something to that effect. DH just shakes his head, tells me (dunno why, I don't care) and I say "Oh, that sucks." (which I guess can be infered in a couple ways, it sucks the kid is sick, it sucks his parents chose to dose him up with that much junk, it sucks he had to get jabbed 4 times...owie) and move on.

It's not my business...I try not to let what other people do with their kids bugs me...barring outright abuse/neglect of course...not my kid, not my problem, not my business.

[TCMoulton]

None of your business.

[Drummer's Wife]

what do you say to the 8 yr old? nothing.

I understand caring enough, especially since she is your neice. But she's not your child. I would talk to my sister, yes. But not the little girl.

[mamakah]

Originally Posted by eclipse

I don't have an answer - but your 8 yo niece is on Facebook?

I thought that was crazy too!
I don't think you should say anything to your neice. I think it would be majorly overstepping your bounds. How would you feel if you sister started telling your kids that they need to go get shots otherwise they will get sick? I know that as a non vaxer, I feel somewhat responsible to spread the word on the things I know. Unfortunately we live in a society where that info is not received well. I think if you told your neice it would scare her. I also think that your sister would be extremely angry.
If you want to educated your sis, that's a total different story. go for it!

[poiyt]

Apparantly everyone who is 8 is on FB...she is 50 friends (from gymnastics and school)...weird I know.


You guys all said what I was thinking.
But then I wonder....at what age should it be her decision? Or should she have a say? It cant honestly be until she is legal..I mean I know legally it is - but should she not be afforded the right to talk to her mom about these issues and how can she if she is not informed?....

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by poiyt

But then I wonder....at what age should it be her decision? Or should she have a say? It cant honestly be until she is legal..I mean I know legally it is - but should she not be afforded the right to talk to her mom about these issues and how can she if she is not informed?....

That depends on the child, and happens gradually. My own 8 yo had non-emergency surgery this year, and it was not her decision. We (the parents) researched, and we made the choice. If she were, say, 14, we'd probably have included her more in the decision making.

At what age do you think you'd be comfortable with your dc deciding to get a flu vaccine?

[poiyt]

I think Id be okay with my DC doing it if she could tell me her reasons, and her reasons werent just "my friends are doing it" or whatever. If she can clearly communicate to me why she wants it, and why she feels its beneficial than its her body and her decision.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by poiyt

Do I say anything? What do I say...

I just think it should be her choice to make...not my sisters...

Really? An EIGHT year old? No, it isn't her choice because she doesn't have the ability to adequately research and make what is an important ADULT decision. If your sister thought her child shouldn't get the vax but the 8 year old had heard at school that you'll die if you don't and wanted to get it, would you support your niece in making that decision?

When your kids are 8, will you let them decide to vax or not, to attend school or not, to get their tongue pierced or not? If one of them had diabetes, would they get to decide whether or not to take their insulin?

Originally Posted by eclipse

I don't have an answer - but your 8 yo niece is on Facebook?

Ya, that threw me for a loop too.

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

As the mother of two 8 year olds atm, I don't think this is the kind of decision that they or their friends are capable of understanding. Discussing it as adults is one thing. Undermining another family's medical decisions with their children is a whole different ball of wax.

Exactly.

Originally Posted by sunnmama

Vaccinations aside, your opinion about your 8 yo niece making her own medical decision is irrelevant. The law gives your sister both the right and responsibility to make medical choices for her child.

If you have something to say about this vaccine, say it to your sister.

I agree. Talk to your sister if you feel the need, but not a word to the kid. I would be LIVID if someone took my kid aside and told her she could end up in the hospital or die because I'm not getting her the flu shots. And it wouldn't change my mind a bit - it would only scare my child half to death and ruin my relationship with the person who thought it was their place to approach MY child with scare tactics - on either side of the fence.

Originally Posted by poiyt

Apparantly everyone who is 8 is on FB.

But then I wonder....at what age should it be her decision? Or should she have a say? It cant honestly be until she is legal..I mean I know legally it is - but should she not be afforded the right to talk to her mom about these issues and how can she if she is not informed?....

My 9 year old and her friends are not on FB! My 13 year old is currently in trouble for opening one without our permission!

At 18 it should be her decision. Before that she most certainly has a say and can talk to her mom about these decisions. I'd assume that a kid mature enough to want to be involved in this decision is with it enough to have heard a kid here or there say that they aren't getting the vax - possibly your kids. Maybe she saw it online since she clearly has full access to the computer. Cover of a magazine or newspaper while waiting in line at the grocery store.

I wouldn't lie to her if SHE asks you about whether or not your kids are getting it. But I wouldn't bring it up to her. Bring it up to your sister if you want to - but be prepared for her to disagree with you. And that is OK, really. Other people's parenting decisions are THEIRS, just as ours belong to us. If you don't want to hand yours over to someone else then don't try to take hers.