Checklist of ways to help postpartum mom?

[ExuberantDaffodil]

I'm looking for an easy to read format checklist of ways "visitors" (mostly family members, in my case) can help out the freshly postpartum mom in the hours after birth. Preferably ways that don't include "Here, I'll hold the baby while you...[fill in the blank]"

Is there such a thing floating around out there?

It looks like I'll be having more company sooner than I anticipated, and while I am trying to bond with the babe and get nursing established and rest, I'd like to have something prepared so that people aren't just milling around my house waiting for me to reliquish the baby so that they can hold it.

What are some things that you all personally found helpful?

[Peace+Hope]

my only experience on this is that i read a really great thread on it a while ago, i think in the home birth forum. i searched a little but didn't have luck bringing it up.

someone said their midwife made a sign for their front door that said something like, after the birth is the time we mother the mother. please come in for a short visit (no more than 15 minutes) and make sure you do one of the following things to help this mother: list of tasks, like scrubbing a toilet, doing dishes, vacuuming a room, etc... of course in a carefully kind and thankful writing style...

i like this idea for us (planning right now), and am thinking i might add something about bonding time, how we are getting acclimated to each other, need a lot of quiet time together, something like that.

[melamama]

I have one similar to above--

Welcome
Birth stats

In order for the baby and parents and siblings to get rested and get to know each other in a quiet peaceful atmosphere it is requested that everyone limit their visits to 15 minutes.

This is a special time and the desire to share with you must be weighed against the need for rest and quiet.

Before you leave it would be helpful if you lent a hand--quietly wash up the dirty dishes, take the laundry home, sweep the floor, check the supply of food, or do any other nice thing you feel inclined to do!

It is important to mother the mother after a birth!

[bluebunny]

It looks like you have another little one so I'd say any visitors should help entertain him/her.

[sweet.p]

If you don't want visitors tell them NO visitors.
If you want food tell them "drop off food" or " drop by and do the laundry for me". Be honest.

The posted sign is easily misconstrued as nasty and passive aggressive, and not really wanting visitors, unless that is your intention.

I would think twice before posting a sign telling your family and friends they have to do a chore.

If everyone is in visiting, and you need to lay down, just tell everyone, excuse me the baby and i need to rest. You and the baby go rest behind a closed door!

[MsBlack]

Sweet P--

I'm going to have to disagree about passive aggression in a posted note. Or at least say, for you, maybe passive aggressive--for me, assertive while still being respective and appreciative of others.

I work a lot with Amish and Mennonite families--and they all seem to know about helping a new mom. It's part of their culture to visit early after a birth--family and friends/community members all--but they do tend to limit their visits to short ones, to honor the mother's need for rest and the familiy's need for privacy and bonding time. And above all, they know that new moms need HELP. It woud be unthinkable to them to drop by and expect to visit more than a few minutes without lending a hand somehow. Parents/ILs expect to come and possibly stick around for hours or even weeks--HELPING the new family. The grands and/or sisters/cousins etc get the reward of holding the baby--when mom bathes or has a little time with other kids-- from being everready to help the new mom and other kids in any/every way needed.

This is something that we 'English' have forgotten somewhat, sadly. And I think as a result we have a lot more postpartum physical issues and even depression than my Plain families, that springs much from exhaustion. Doing too much too soon--including feeling too much pressure to entertain and be sociable when quiet and rest is what is called for. We just don't get that needed 'off duty time' nearly as much as we should, and it shows.

I tell all my clients, as we discuss pp time and visitors and all, that they need to be lovingly assertive with friends and fam about limiting visits, and asking for help. I say--those who get to stay more than 15min are only those willing to do a load of laundry, wash a dish, cook a meal, something. All else can expect social time with mom and baby once they are readier to face the world again. I suggest, for those who feel they could not ask for this help in person, to either post a note on the door much like pp suggested, or else maybe send out a mass email that sets general guidelines for first weeks pp.

[aramat]

My checklist:

Wash hands.
Bring me food.

With emphasis on the "Bring me food"!

[simonboy'smommy]

Originally Posted by aramat

My checklist:

Wash hands.
Bring me food.

With emphasis on the "Bring me food"!

That's what I keep saying. "Please! Stop by at Subway on your way to visit!!" I remember how starving I was last time. Food makes everything better when you are so tired and trying to nurse etc

[hippiemama76]

The best visit I had with DD1 was my aunt and uncle, who called on their way to take my Subway order, brought food, brought a present, cleaned up after eating, and walked out the door within 30 minutes of walking in. It was fast and furious and sooooo appreciated.

The worst was a casual aquaintance who came over to meet the baby. She stayed so long chatting that I ended up having to make HER lunch, and then clean up everything myself afterwards.

I like the idea of having a list of things people could do to help out. So many people asked, "Is there anything I could do?" and in the moment I felt too embarrassed/insecure to think of something. I think a lot of moms feel that way - you pop out a baby and are supposed to have a spotless house and be back in your postpartum jeans before you leave the hospital.

Maybe a good compromise would be having a friend be in charge of the list. I know my BFF would be happy to do something like that - send out an email about the birth stats and also include a sign-up for bringing dinners or something. I think when she gets PG, I will offer to be the door bouncer for her! For me it's easier to stand up for someone else than it is to stand up for myself.

[cc_mama]

I think having a sign would depend on how your family and friends would react to it. Love the idea of someone such as a sister or best friend send/coordinate help by email. My moms group at church will drop off 3 meals a week for 3 weeks - I can choose the weeks if I have help staying with us right after the birth. Personally, my family and friends would not be offended by either a sign or email.