Proper Penis Care Question

[racheleuphoria]

My uncirced DS is 2.5. His foreskin has retracted and he discovered the whole concept of "something hiding in there" about 2 months ago. I thought we were supposed to gently retract and wash, but hadn't really been doing it as I think the retractibility is a new thing.

Then, he started to get red on the tip of his penis (a good 1.5" of red) off and on. Sometimes I thought it was worse after being in a diaper, but othertimes it would show up during the day, when he's in underwear. He would complain of pain with peeing when it was really red. He also started wanting his nighttime diaper changed immediately upon waking (which we're happy to accomodate, of course).

So, since the redness was coming and going and coming again, we started making an effort to retract and wash during his bath. He doesn't like it - says it hurts, but I'm not sure if it hurts or he just feels uncomfortable. Of course both his father and I have tried to explain to him why and what we're doing. And, we try to be gentle. At 2.5, I'm not sure he really understands what we're doing and since it's new, it's hard for us to know how he feels.

OK, so then I read some threads here about not needing to wash a youngster at all. Am I supposed to retract and wash him or not? Soap or no? If I should be doing nothing, I wonder what was causing the occassional redness and pain to begin with?

As a mom, this is so NOT my turf.

[2xy]

I would say that soap is not necessary. I also think that he should be the only one retracting his foreskin.

My boys would get red on their foreskins sometimes. I put Desitin on it and it would go away. I always just figured it was irritated from rubbing on clothing or from contact with urine.

To be honest, my boys were already washing themselves by the time they were fully retractable, so I've never dealt with a wary toddler in that regard.

[petra_william]

2 1/2 seems reallly young to be able to retract, im thinking that you should stop retracting for washing and just wash outside like you did before.
it may well have happened accidentally that your ds forcibly retracted his foreskin. my ds is 3 in februray and likes ahem.. playing with his penis, sometimes getting quite a big erection and pulling etc at it quite hard. try to ignore it but makes me wince sometimes lol. anyway, i guess i can see how it could happen that he could accidentally forcibly retract.
the redness could be due to the tissue not healing properly. i would leave the foreskin alone, let it have achance at healing again and it might close back up iyswim. if he is saying its hurting or is uncomfortable he might be right too.

i would seriously give it a week or better, two and NOT retract and see what happens. keep cleaning with pure water, leave everything else to nature.
hope itll sort itself out soon

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

The only one to retract should be your ds. When he is able to do it he should avoid soap since it can burn badly and cause irritation. Can you imagine rubbing soap under your clitoris or into your urethra? That is how bad it can hurt. Him telling you it hurts even if it is just uncomfortable is your answer right there. I am thinking if he was a girl and told your something hurt/was uncomfortable you would stop right? So the same goes with your ds.

Until he hits puberty there is no need to retract and clean even if he is retractable. A simple swish in the bath will take care of things just fine. Though of course if he wants to and can before then it is a good habit to start. But only if he is the one doing it.

If you havnt read this thread http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=764732 it has some helpful information on redness and what it might mean ie infection vs. the separation process.

[racheleuphoria]

Thanks, PP, for sending me to that thread. That was VERY helpful.

My husband and I think it is most likely that the redness he was having was caused by nightime diapers (which I will strip) and/or by my DS' exploration of the separation. Since the initial separation process itself can cause swelling and redness (which I definitely did not know!) and since he was fascinated with that discovery, he may have been forcing more separation, which led to repeated swelling.

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

I am thinking if he was a girl and told your something hurt/was uncomfortable you would stop right? So the same goes with your ds.

I don't feel that this statement was necessary. Parenting is not as simple as "if my child doesn't like it, don't do it". I am obviously thinking this through and looking for advice. I'd argue that my thought process was not sexist, it was just completely ignorant .

So, thanks for the pointers everyone!

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I didnt mean for it to sound harsh I apologize since it sounded that way to you.

It is very hard sometimes to get a point across in the typed word at least for me it is. I was just trying to say that in situations like this that if it hurts them dont do it. I wasnt thinking your thought process was sexist at all. Boy or girl if it hurts then something isnt right. I know that is all jumbled like I said not good at putting my thoughts into words.

I am glad you came here looking for help and I am happy you found what you came for.

[racheleuphoria]

oh, I see. Sorry if I was sensitive! Thanks for clearing it up.

[eepster]

I just wanted to mention, that another reason not to retract very young boys is the slight risk of paraphimosis (foreskin getting stuck in the retracted position.) Though this is rare, it is pretty serious and can lead to him needing a dorsal slit (though that would be the last thing to try after trying various less drastic remedies.) Of course some Drs don't know how to fix paraphimosis and think a circ is necessary, but it is not.