Sticker shock!

[Blanca78]

So I started looking at daycare rates. Then I started looking at the cost of cribs, changing tables, etc., not to mention if we decide to move to a bigger place (we're in a 2-bedroom apartment right now)...and I'm a little panicked! We should be fine as long as we get out of debt before baby is born (we should be able to be in the clear by late spring), but I have a feeling we're going to sink right back down there...

Just thought I'd share. I'm still in the "what did I get myself into" mode part time (mixed with utter elation).

[mommy2threekiddies]

I am right there with you! his our 4th baby and while i am excited, it was a surprise, meaning I thought my baby days were over. My oldest is 14 and youngest is 7. The price of everything has gone up dramatcally since I last had a baby! We did just buy a house so space wise we are good but as far as my car...we wont fit =(
That has been on my mind so much cuz right now I cant really afford car payments and lord knows I dont have 25,000 dollars laying arund for a new car. But what has helped me is that I remind myself that if God brought me to it, he will bring me through it! Try to relax and enjoy the little baby inside of you

[othersomethings]

When we found out we were having our first, DH freaked out and went into "must improve our lives" mode. We were also in a 2br apt, tiny car, etc.

And looking back...we would have been fine. We wound up buying a house and craigslist trading our car up to something roomier, but even if we HADN'T done that, I know we would have been just completely fine where we were.

That said, all the other stuff with the hefty price tags...used is YOUR FRIEND. If you're not squicky about using second hand things, you can borrow from others, you can buy super cheap on craigslist, you can shop the second hand stores, etc. and save BIG TIME.

Getting out of debt is WONDERFUL, please do not let your expanding family ruin the good financial start you will be giving yourselves!!!

[Juise]

I second the second hand

Just because it's second hand doesn't have to mean it is shabby or worn or not exactly what you want, for that matter. Buying lots of new things would be pricey, especially when you're talking furniture. But you can find amazing things second hand, even at antique malls, which can be really cool. And then there are cheaper places to buy, too, like Ikea.

That doesn't help with the daycare or apartment, of course Unless you were wanting to change places anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about needing a bigger place just yet, though

[bjorker]

Honestly? Keep it simple. You really don't need a crib or a changing table and you'll certainly save on space in your 2br apartment that way too. Anything you do decide to get, buy it used.

I gave away *everything* that I used with dd, so I'm starting from scratch, and these are the only things I'm concerned about getting before baby gets here:

- A stash of dipes (diaperswappers.com is a great source for used dipes, especially if you stick to the cheaper brands and not get too carried away with the cute stuff). Using cloth WILL save you lots of money. Keep in mind that you can sell them when you're done with them and make most of your money back.
- A breastpump
- A baby scale (the last two being only because I had supply problems with dd and want to be prepared-- you may not need these things)
- Some clothes. Not too many in newborn, especially in your case, because people WILL be giving you baby clothes and they grow out of the newborn stuff fast.
- A car seat.
- Maybe a swing OR a bouncer, but I might wait on that. Not exactly necessary.
- A sling or two. I'd only bother with a stroller if you have a really bad back or anticipate going on lots of long walks/runs, and in that case be sure to get a jogging stroller.

Then you'll probably want to get some extra towels and rags and swaddling blankets and things like that. Maybe an extra place for storage like a dresser.

All of this except the car seat can be easily bought used and cheap (don't ever buy a used car seat, it's unsafe). I rock craigslist and thrift stores, especially on the 50% off days.

The baby can sleep with you (which is much easier anyway), and you can change baby anywhere. I did have a changing table for dd and I doubt I'm going to bother getting one this time.

I would concentrate more on the bigger things like getting out of debt. Having children can be expensive eventually but it really doesn't have to be while they're babies. People like to buy a LOT of unnecessary "stuff" when there's no real need for it.

[ScarletBegonias]

totally agree with the used stuff.

also, there are A LOT of things you don't really need:

crib
bouncers
swings
exergyms
plastic baby baths
all those little gadgets that look soooooo helpful, but once you get them you don't use them at all

what you really need:

a big family bed (or a co-sleeper if you just can't do the family bed)
your breasts and arms
some clothes and a few blankets
dipes
a car seat
a baby sling or two

you don't really "need" all those other things, and neither does your baby! some mamas swear by a swing or bouncer, but it would be best to borrow one or get one used, because 1/2 the babies out there HATE them, some like them and some babies REQUIRE them. you won't know until you meet your baby and try one.

when kids are little, you don't need a lot of room or a big car. truly! your apt and car sound perfectly fine for a first child! wait until you have another one or two before going all out, because you may find you can get by with less, and when you're ready for more room, you won't go crazy into debt.

eta: i have always changed my kids on the bed, floor or couch. no fancy or simple changing table required! i also just used an antique/refinished dresser for all the kids clothes and diapers, and i also have cool african market baskets for dipes and toys and whatnots.

[Blanca78]

Oh my gosh, thank you women so much! The lists are great. After my initial panic I did some googling and discovered there are several kids' consignment/thrift stores in my area. I'd definitely rather buy used! Cheaper and better for the earth!

I'm really curious about co-sleeping. It hadn't occurred to me to not get a crib, but that would save sooo much space. I hadn't even thought of bouncers, etc. We're already stuffed to the gills, but I don't think I can handle moving while pregnant and finishing up the school year (I'm in grad school). I'm not against co-sleeping at all (I like the idea), but I am a very restless sleeper, plus I snore, and I'm afraid I'd roll over and hurt the baby. (We have a queen-sized bed.) What is a co-sleeper? Is that something that attaches to the bed?

And of course, I can change the baby on the bed! Genius! I might still get one of those combo changing table/dresser things for a place to put its clothes, though.
I would really like to use cloth diapers, too, but my only concern is in my apartment building the laundry's in the basement and we're three floors up--so when you wash the diapers, do you carry them into the laundry room in a tub of water? (I seem to remember my mom putting my sister's in a tub-like thing filled with disinfecting water)? That would be tough lugging it down the stairs all the time to wash.

AAAAH! So many logistics! I absolutely love this invaluable advice from people with experience. Keep it coming.

[Juise]

I definitely agree about not needing a changing table, too. We run a daycare out of our home, and *we* haven't got a changing table Although a new law required us to get a pad to lay them on, and I actually do kind of like it, although I didn't miss it before we had one. It folds up and goes away easily, though, so it's something if you feel you do need something to change baby on. I just always slip the new diaper under the baby before taking off the old one, though, and baby's butt never touches anything else.

cosleeping - Do you routinely fall out of bed because you don't know it has an edge when you are asleep? If not, I wouldn't worry about rolling over your baby, you will know they are there. There are lots of different kinds of cosleepers - If you're really freaked out about rolling over baby, you can get an in-bed cosleeper. DH and I had a borrowed one that we tried the first night - and baby was hardly in it. She spent most the night asleep on our chests, and we kicked the annoying thing out of bed before the morning came. (the cosleeper I mean, not the baby ) There are also ones that attach to the side of your bed, like the arm's reach cosleeper. We got a mini one of those, too, used for $60. It was just like new because the lady said they'd never used it. It's in a spare room holding blankets right now and is where the kitties like to sleep. They're the only ones who have slept in it. You can also modify a crib to attach to your bed, too. That link isn't the greatest, but it has a picture of what I'm talking about.

As per the laundry issue, you do not need to have liquid in your bin. We use a dry bin, I know many people who do. We have a closed bin, some people swear by an open bin, but something will work for your family if you want it to

[maranapanda]

I am with the others in the Less is Best camp! Buy second hand where you can, and ask friends and family to help buy the cloth diapers in lieu of gifts!

[bjorker]

Before I had my dd I wasn't sure if I'd be able to cosleep either, but it came SO naturally to me that I can't imagine doing anything else. Take a look around in "The Family Bed and Nighttime Parenting" sub-forum for more on the topic.

[Blanca78]

Oh thank you thank you thank you all for the advice! It's wonderful, and making me more excited (you mean I can do this, really??), which I have to admit has me nervous--DH keeps cautioning me not to run away with planning just yet, because you never know what will happen in the first trimester. But it's hard not to...

[*KaiMom*]

Buy used and go with the basics.

Crib-we have always bought used (google it and make sure there are no recalls on the one you are thinking of getting). You may find you never use it and then you aren't stuck with something huge and pricey. We used ours a lot with the first and never with the second so it's sort of a guessing game.

Changing table-never had one of these. Honestly I'm too lazy. I keep diapers and wipes in every room and just do it where ever I am.

Diapers-used cloth diapers. Diaperswappers.com is your friend.

Carseat-buy a convertable carseat that you can use until they are into a booter (depending on weight that could be 6 years old)

Housing-we just moved from a two bedroom 700 square foot house that we moved into when my first was 1. It was cozy but we were together and that's what counts.

Clothes-hand me downs are the best.

Food-breastfeeding is free. No formula, bottles, washing, heating up, mixing etc.

[Lizzardbits]

Yup, less is best. Each babe I was given either a crib or pack n play, and for all of them it just became storage. Breastfeeding was so much smoother with babe snuggled up right with me, and i slept fairly well.

Slings, especially wraps, can be super cheap, as we had 4 5meter long simple pieces of fabric for wraps for under £15 or approx $25 USD. I just youtubed for video instructions on babywearing.

we dry pailed the cloth dipes. we went fitteds first just so my Hubby could change dipes without getting too befuddled, but now went to super inexpensive prefolds and homemade dipes.

added bonus of having a summer baby-they need less clothes!

oh and plastic baby baths are silly, bathe with your baby, or what we did and will do again is have bathtime a special Daddy and Baby time. Hubby was thrilled to have a bonding activity that was "just" his, where I had breastfeeding as mine.

[othersomethings]

Equipment we have actually used:

Baby bedroom set, crib, changing table, rocker...got it on craigslist and didn't use the crib until DD was 12mo or so, and then she was just too active in our bed so we transitioned her to crib. Changing table...never used. Rocker...use every night.

Car seat/stroller combo set, was a gift from my mom, we are STILL using her bucket car seat because she's a peanut and still fits in it even though she's almost two, lol...And I'm glad we got the big clunky stroller because once she was too big for long walks in the carrier, it made walks to the store WAY easier. Plus...the bin under the stroller is perfect for a few groceries.

Swing, given to me, it's older but it does the job...DD liked it off and on. Sometimes she'd sleep in it, other times she'd want nothing to do with it.

Exersaucer, borrowed from a friend...used BRIEFLY

Baby bouncer, she wanted nothing to do with it.

Johnny-jump-up(the seat that hangs from the doorway, on a spring...) she LOVED that. Got it for 5 on craigslist.

High chair...had a lovely wooden one given to us that we've never used. I found one of those portable plastic ones that strap to a chair at the Goodwill for 5 dollars and it works great.

Nursing pillow...I had two, I used the Boppy the most but honestly a regular throw pillow worked just as well for nursing.

No co-sleepers or anything, just cuddling between DH and I, or sleeping on my chest (when she was tiny)

never pumped so no pump/bottles, etc.

LOTS OF BLANKETS. Light cotton blankets for summer, the bigger the better! Great for swaddling! I made quite a few myself, as well as being gifted a lot of them.

Ring sling, a gift from a friend. Woven moby style wraps, I learned how to make myself, and Mei Tei carriers I learned to make as well.

Baby bathtub...actually didn't use. It was easier to bring her in the shower with me (with DH's help, lol) to bathe her, and once she was old enough to sit up, the regular tub was just fine. I did get one of those foam bath insert things though, that helped with washing her hair, etc.

-----

I can't think of much else that we used on a regular basis, especially anything costly. Once I realized babies didn't have to be expensive, I felt a lot less stress and a lot less "planning frenzy" especially early on. I realized all the baby really needs is ME, some blankets, diapers and a car seat to bring it home. All the rest is secondary, and most of it comes in the form of gifts from friends and family

[Blanca78]

Oh, you all are so great. I was telling DH some of your suggestions last night and he was happy because he really doesn't want to have to move, but space is at a major premium in our place (too many books! We're already thinking about stuff we can get rid of to make more room). We were joking about putting the baby in a dresser drawer or a cardboard box!

I'm such a restless sleeper and I need my space, so I think rather than having baby in bed with us, we'll get one of those mini cosleeper things that goes on the side of the bed. But who knows...maybe we won't use it after all. I love the idea of sleeping with my baby, I just don't know if I'll feel crowded. I love the idea of having it right next to me on its own little extension bed, so I can reach over and touch it but not worry about rolling over or poking it in my sleep.

[Juise]

DD still almost always has a bath with DH or I, we usually take turns, hehe. Not that she has to, but, well, if you're going to be sitting in the bathroom for her to take a bath anyway, it's more fun to be playing in the tub

When she was very small though, before she could sit up, she LOVED it when we would fill the tub with a few inches of water, lay a towel or a couple prefolds down on the bottom of the tub, and lay her on her back to splash and play. It was a blast for her and used way less water than filling up the entire dang tub.

[Terrilein]

I know there are a lot of things that I definitely won't be purchasing this time around, but I'm still rather in denial about what we do need to do . . . like move in together! I'm sooo not looking forward to moving while pg.
DP seems a little overwhelmed with the newness of the pg, too - this is his first child - and is happy to hear from me when we're shopping and I point out a whole row of baby stuff and tell him we won't need any of it ever. It's amazing how little you actually will need and use when the baby arrives.