"No award given for pain" - Page 2

[ACsMom]

My sister actually said this to me the other day. To her, I'm crazy for wanting a natural birth. This was my reply to her:

"Well, I think I should get a f***ing medal for being lied to by a doctor so I'd agree to an unnecessary induction, spending two days strapped to a hospital bed having pitocin contractions that didn't work, getting treated like crap by hospital staff, getting cut open, having my baby taken away from me for three hours, dealing with a painful recovery and three weeks of hell when my poor little baby, surprise surprise, had trouble nursing!" (That was my first child's birth)

Seriously....women who want a natural birth do not want it so they can get a gold star. That comment seems to presume that that's our reason. Strange. I guess it makes sense that if you don't understand why someone would want a natural birth, you'd latch on to some stupid idea to explain it to yourself. People are often dismissive or afraid of what they don't understand. No, I'm not bitter at all!

[felix23]

I have never understood the whole "award" comments. I mean, no matter how you give birth, nobody is going to give you an award. Well, unless you count the baby!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

I hate that line. It's right up there with "you don't get a medal for not using pain meds".

That one sends me - probably because I think anyone who takes pain meds, at least in the form of an epidural - deserves the medal. I find needles in my spine far scarier than labour pain. In many ways, I find numbness scarier than either.

[fazer6]

I hate needles, I hate the thought of something sticking out of my skin. If it was on my back I'd be so nervous about moving around and feeling the catheter moving. If I felt that I'd feel dizzy and just not well at all.

I feel sorry for the people who think we do this to score points. We're just people who've researched all our options and chosen the best birthing method for us. You're not a better mother if chose to avoid medication, you're simply an informed mother.

[Storm Bride]

People have weird ideas. After my third c-section, I had a woman tell me I "cheated". She figured I got off easy by not labouring...and had no idea that the only thing about that c-section I was happy with was that I'd put them off long enough that I did labour before surgery.

[S.Elise]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

That one sends me - probably because I think anyone who takes pain meds, at least in the form of an epidural - deserves the medal. I find needles in my spine far scarier than labour pain. In many ways, I find numbness scarier than either.

As someone who had an epidural under the best possible circumstances I can say, it was indeed scary. It went perfectly well for me, thank heavens, but the thought of that huge needle going into my spine was terrifying. So I can only imagine how scary it would be in a regular US baby-mill hospital with a half-trained resident who gets paid by how many epidurals he can do in an evening!

[Storm Bride]

I've had three spinals, for c-sections. They were all terrifying, despite quite good doctors. The last one was the best (and I use the term loosely), because they let dh come in with me, so he was holding my hand, and I wasn't thinking about it so much.

I loved that anesthesiologist. She actually hurt my back a bit more putting in the needle...but she also made the comment that we needed a bigger IV line, in case of transfusion, because "this is major surgery, even though we try to pretend it isn't". I could have kissed her.

[elanorh]

I saw a similarly dismissive comment on a friend's board before her first babe was born (about the costs of formula and diapers) -- I actually ended up messaging the woman (I didn't know her) and apologized for sticking my nose into things, but that I thought it was really important for us all, as X's friends, to support her in the decisions she makes -- that since she wanted to breastfeed, we should support and encourage her. I think I gave a few statistics ....

It ended up being a really good dialogue. The other friend's kids were older, and she was told that they were allergic to her breastmilk so she had only nursed the first one, and not for long, and had bad memories of that time. We messaged back and forth several times and it was quite friendly and supportive.

I don't know why there has to be such derision towards natural child birth. I have had several conversations with people who act like I'm some sort of oddity for having chosen natural birth, and saying that it was manageable and worth it. This thinking just sets mothers up for fear and failure at attaining a natural birth. How many mothers would have been able to labor without pain meds, if they hadn't been scared to death by all their well-meaning friends (some of whom hadn't given birth even) about how AWFUL it was going to be?

I had a big debate with one of my single sisters while she was visiting awhile ago. She doesn't intend to ever have children. She is convinced that childbirth is a terrible horrible unending pain. Despite being told by me, Mom, and her other sisters that this just isn't so (we've all birthed naturally). She says we are lying and misleading her, or else we are superhuman as she knows she wouldn't be able to do it. It's frustrating.

[ultim8oxymoron]

A friend of mine had her baby at the hospital last week and the nurse used the line "Ya don't get your teeth drilled without pain meds do ya? It's the same thing!" Just more fuel for my homebirth fire.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by ultim8oxymoron

A friend of mine had her baby at the hospital last week and the nurse used the line "Ya don't get your teeth drilled without pain meds do ya? It's the same thing!"

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I hate being numb. I had to go without it for the root canal, but for a simple cavity? The amount of pain isn't worth the creepy numbness.

[Veritaserum]

Well, you actually can get a medal.

Check this out: http://www.momsdeservemedals.com/index.html

I use hypnosis, so my births aren't normally painful. I was in a lot more pain pre-epidural with my first baby, when I didn't have any labor skills that worked for me.

The comment that gets me is "you're brave" (which is code for "you're crazy"). If it were really said with sincere respect it would be nice, I guess....

[fazer6]

At my antenatal class on Friday the anesthesiologist came for a talk, well by talk I mean came to give the usual cr*p. Apparantly if you get a headache from an epidural it ONLY lasts 3 days. Oh right well that's ok then, after all when you're recovering from birth, trying to get started with bf and getting to know your new baby then I guess a 3 day headache isn't too much of a big deal. When someone asked what was the alternative to an epidural she replied you can have an injection, but you can't have too much as it transfers to the baby, or there's gas and air but that only gives a bit of relief. Oh and also if you're getting an epidural you're best getting one as soon as possible. Don't even start me on her saying no food during labor.

I just sat there amazed that she made it sound so easy and wonderful. Thankfully the nurses who take the class are natural birthing minded and do point out the benefits of a natural birth. But people were sitting there saying, oh well there's enough pain in life so if we can get rid of one we might as well.

I just feel sad that people aren't more aware of natural birthing, options for going natural, and the benefits of how wondeful it can actually be.

[JorgieGirl]

Originally Posted by ultim8oxymoron

A friend of mine had her baby at the hospital last week and the nurse used the line "Ya don't get your teeth drilled without pain meds do ya? It's the same thing!" Just more fuel for my homebirth fire.

This is infuriating! A baby doing what it's biologically meant to in harmony with a mother's body is hardly a rotting tooth that needs extracting lest it infect the mouth. What a horrible analogy. Grrrr, to that nurse!

[Super~Single~Mama]

I got an award for not getting pain meds! I didn't have to go to the hospital!!! Which was my biggest fear since I HATE hospitals!

[~Boudicca~]

Originally Posted by meganmarie

How about just: Congratulations, YOU win the "most unsupportive friend of the year" award!

I hope she boots this person the heck off her list. Good for you backing her up.

Yeah, no kidding. People and their observations kill me sometimes. It's right up there with the guy that told me that I didn't love my baby or my husband if I got an epidural (which I did for dd1), if I didn't feel the pain then I must not love either of them enough. Oh yeah, he really did say that.