I don't know what to do :(

[mazajo]

Title says it all! Can I just rant here for a couple minutes? Advice (or sympathy!) would be welcome, but mostly I just need to rant.

A year and a half ago DH had a decent, not great but decent, job. I was a SAHM and loving it (for years I was a single working mom with 3 little boys in daycare fulltime and I hated it and I was so so happy to have the opportunity to stay home when I remarried and had another LO). Things were tight but we were doing alright.

Then around this time last year DH got laid off . He got unemployment right away, we were able to get on Section 8 with our current landlord and not have to move, and we got foodstamps. DH's employer (construction btw) kept telling him it wouldn't last for long. We thought for sure we'd be able to tough it out.

But it never got any better. DH has been called back to work for brief, infrequent spells- seems to be just enough to keep the unemployment going. He's been in this field for 30 years and just doesn't know anything else. He's tried to find other jobs but construction is dead. He's toyed with the idea of going back to school but hasn't yet. He's had a really hard time this year (long story, stress & depression led him to start using prescription pain pills again after 12 years sobriety- he's been clean for 34 days at the present) but it's just been such a bad year. He's hanging onto this thread of hope that construction will pick up again and right now all his energy is going into sobriety and he just doesn't seem motivated to do anything else.

Well, even with unemployment and sec 8 and foodstamps, we were just barely scraping by, so a couple months ago I took on a part time job with the intention of just helping us get through until DH does go back to work (be it the old construction job or something completely different). I'm making $550 a month and they raised our rent $250 and cut our food stamps by $400. Yep, I am actually LOSING money! I hate this job so much (grocery store) I can't imagine working more hours and plus I think they'd take away our food stamps altogether and just raise our rent more so what's the point? If I'm losing money with my current job it makes sense that I should quit it but I just can't wrap my brain around quitting a job because I need money, you know?

Before DH and I got married I did secretarial work fulltime. I have more earning potential if I go back to that but that seems more of a permanent move. DH could possibly get called back to work anytime and then what? Childcare with my 4yo is an issue, he just started half day preschool 2 months ago and is only just now beginning to adjust to it. I don't think he could handle fulltime daycare, and I'd so hate to switch him out of what he's just now getting used to.

It just seems like we are stuck in this dark hole with all our hopes being pinned on DH returning full time to his construction job. He couldn't find any other job making what he used to without going back to school for a complete career change and that wouldn't help right away anyway plus I just don't know if he's going to do that (which deserves a thread in parents as partners I guess!).

I just don't know what to do . Sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening!

[SleeplessMommy]

I don't see any reason not to LOOK for a secretarial job. Since this is November, the job would probably start in January or later. This would give your 4 year old time to adjust to daycare, or your husband could take care of him.

If you could get funding, it might make sense for him to expand his construction skill set - plumbing, HVAC or electrical. That could get him more jobs with the existing employer.

[eirual]

Try to get your DH excited about puting his skills to work. Make up flyers to put up about a local handyman available for household jobs and try to get a few little jobs that will at least bring in something (and in cash) and keep him busy.

Is he crafty with his skills? what about making some crafts to sell- jacobs latters, toys, stools, other holiday decorations, etc. ...'tis the season! If you're at all artistic, he could construct and you could decorate.

Is bringing in a child for daycare an option?

Just remember....it's always sunny above the clouds. As much as things suck right now, there is a way out- you just need to find it (or wait for it...).

[Peacemamalove]

s

[SuzyLee]

Well, I would start by looking for a FT secretarial job. YOu don't have to take an offer, just find out what your options might be.

If you do get a job, do you have any friends who your DS is familiar with, who could help you out with daycare for a few days until you find out if your H's work will be permanent?

What about as the PP mentioned, could you H look for odd jobs? Given that it is winter, what about snow plowing jobs? Or just plain old shoveling for neighbors? Would he be open to that?

I have a frind who is really struggling in a similar position. Her H works construction and has been out of work for a while. He could even go to school for free but it refusing/dragging his feet. Meanwhile, she is will to go out and get a FT job but her H is resistant to watchign 2 little kids FT. It is really tough, but the only one you can work on changing is yourself- the rest is up to him.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by eirual

Try to get your DH excited about puting his skills to work. Make up flyers to put up about a local handyman available for household jobs and try to get a few little jobs that will at least bring in something (and in cash) and keep him busy.

Where I live, a normal middle-class area, a good, reliable, professional handyman would have more work than he could handle. We have someone working at our house right now that has small jobs lined up through the winter.

In my area, it is really hard to find someone good. When you do, the word spreads like wildfire and everyone wants to use him/her.

I think the above is an idea worth investigating.

[velochic]

There are lots of little things he could do that could bring in some money... and it would probably be cash. He could chop firewood, clean rain gutters, rake leaves, clean up landscaping areas and prepare them for winter, help people ready their gardens for winter, help people winterize their homes, decorate for the holidays, shovel snow (when it starts flying). I see you're in Cincy... are there farmers around that need seasonal help with crop harvesting? If your dh is handy, there are a lot of little things he could do that could bring in a what you are bringing in without it being reported as income.

A job as a secretary has to be only as permanent as you want to make it. There are no laws that say you have to stay at a place once you start working there. You could stay as long as you need to and then quit when your dh is working f/t again.

Good luck! Sorry you're in such a rotten place right now.

[Leta]

This too shall pass. Truly.

My dad has been in construction for 30+ years, got laid off last year, unemployment ran out, and now he's working for himself. He has work through the spring, so he's doing okay money wise, but he's 53, no health insurance, no pension, etc. It's scary.

That said, my dad has seriously investigated going back to school. The problem is, for stuff like architecture (which only makes sense, given his skill set), as well as CAD and other computery degrees, all that stuff is being outsourced to- guess where?- India and China.

I was reading a NYT article about pilots, and the financial hit they've taken since 9/11/01. Beginning pilots make $16K-$23K per year, and top out around $60K. After years of specialized training! Often at great cost. Sometimes, they make so little that they get food stamps. Back they '80's pilots often made $100k-$250K per year, so they have taken a PROFOUND paycut. None of these pilots want their kids to fly. The one man was quoted as saying, "I've got a big strapping 16 year old son, and I told him nobody can hammer a nail in America from India."

Your husband and my dad are in a field that is subject to the whims of the American economy, but cannot be sent overseas. So good and bad. Slowly, the construction market is rebounding. Things will get better.

I was also reading that contractors in Hawaii are booked through the end of 2010. Maybe a working vacation or move is in order?

Hugs. Hang in there.

[gnutter]

my dh is in construction too-know exactly how it is. If he gets a business license and insurance he can do jobs that would fall under he handyman caegory wihout being a licensed conractor. Here in our area jobs under $20,000 do not require hat you be a licensed contractor. He can charge $30 and hour for handyman work-depending on the project-and since it isn't something that is usually tax deductable it is cash income-which sounds shifty-but until it is steady it isn't worth getting your benefits cut again. People will pay a handy man for a lot of things-even putting up christmas lights.

[Maluhia]

Originally Posted by Leta

I was also reading that contractors in Hawaii are booked through the end of 2010. Maybe a working vacation or move is in order?

Hugs. Hang in there.

I live in Hawaii and that may be true on the outer islands but not on Oahu.

[Leta]

Thanks for the heads up. What I read was about the Big Isle, Kauai, and... erm, the one that starts with an M? Sorry, my geography recall is lacking today.

[mpchez]

:D

Edited by mpchez - 11/13/10 at 8:57pm

[Maluhia]

Leta - Maui

Big Isle mostly I think is where the work is, Kona side.