would any mamas please share with me their "internal thoughts" they had with PPD? I'm starting to wonder if I may have it or still have it since my son is 18 months old.
post #1 of 15
11/4/09 at 12:38am
I'm starting to wonder if I may have it or still have it since my son is 18 months old.
caro113 - I don't know your first birth experience, but there is a chapter in the book "slient Knife" (aboue C-sections and VBAC's) on healing. It focuses on post-C-section trauma but I truly think it's ideas can be used for any traumtic birth.
Part of why I say this is because my 2nd birth did not go as planned, and the only reason I did as well as I did with it was because I tried to heal from the trauma of my 1st birth before my 2nd.
Some of my thoughts when I had PPD with DS were:
- how do people survive this? How do people survive until their baby is xyz months old? I can't survive another hour
- why do people congratulate pregnant mums? It's a huge conspiracy ... everybody knows that having a baby is torture, but they just tell you lies (incidentally, I also had urges to run up to pregnant ladies in the street and 'burst their bubble' by telling them how awful it was going to be)
- thoughts about how my life would be if DS was no longer alive
- believing that there are just people out there not meant to be parents, who don't like their children, and that I am one of those people
- that things are never going to get better
- that I have to go back to work because I just can't stand being home with them any longer (and I have always dreamed of being a SAHM, so this is a weird thought for me)
- feelings of absolute rage
- my son stroking my arm and telling me he loves me actually makes my skin crawl because I crave personal space (what kind of mother would think this? I am a horrible person who doesn't deserve to have an affectionate child)