or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Parents Should Respect Their Children's Bodies and Decisions
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Parents Should Respect Their Children's Bodies and Decisions - Page 5

post #81 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by sept15lija View Post
I agree. My DS is almost 2 so I have no experience in parenting a teen, but I remember being fairly mature and responsible at 16. Obviously we don't know all the specifics, but if my child came to me and had researched reasons why s/he did not want to get the flu shot, I would certainly respect their decision. It is their body and therefore IMO, as long as it is an informed one, their choice.
DS1 doesn't have to make an informed decision. I frequently don't. If he doesn't want a vax, that's fine. If he does, that's fine. It's not my decision.
post #82 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by KimberlyD0 View Post
My child will be expected to follow my rules while in my home, I'll let them voice their opinions and their idea's, but ultamitly I will make the final choice for them.

I am the parent, thats my job.

If someone lectured me like you did them, especially if they didn't even have kids I would be extreamly angry. I sure wouldn't talk to them again. Thats so disrespectful.
I agree 100%, having children is a different thing, I used to think in a very different way before having Celeste.

But at 16, I was very mature for my age. I had lousy parents and I basically had to take care of my younger sisters by myself. Thank god I got out of there and moved on. But my daughter is being raised in a different way and she's not going to be the same way I was at that age...
So her making choices about her body at that age, is out of the question...
post #83 of 91
So peoples' opinions don't count if they don't have kids? That's a very narrow view. Some of the worst parenting advice I've ever gotten has been from other parents. Maybe someone who can step outside just their emotions over their own child situation and look at it objectively as an outsider would have a good view? Anyone ever think of that?
post #84 of 91
post #85 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
So peoples' opinions don't count if they don't have kids? That's a very narrow view. Some of the worst parenting advice I've ever gotten has been from other parents. Maybe someone who can step outside just their emotions over their own child situation and look at it objectively as an outsider would have a good view? Anyone ever think of that?
An opinion or advice when ASKED is one thing. A lecture like the OP gave is another. Untill you have kids you can't know what parenting is really like.
post #86 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
So peoples' opinions don't count if they don't have kids? That's a very narrow view. Some of the worst parenting advice I've ever gotten has been from other parents. Maybe someone who can step outside just their emotions over their own child situation and look at it objectively as an outsider would have a good view? Anyone ever think of that?
Personally, I'd never give unsolicited advice to a parent if I didn't have children. I'd also not give advice on certain other subjects if I didn't yet have experience. There are just certain aspects of life that you need to do before you teach

Quote:
Originally Posted by KimberlyD0 View Post
An opinion or advice when ASKED is one thing. A lecture like the OP gave is another. Untill you have kids you can't know what parenting is really like.
I agree. I think just about every parent I know had a different view on what parenting was like before they had kids, myself included.
post #87 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by caj View Post
But at 16, I was very mature for my age. I had lousy parents and I basically had to take care of my younger sisters by myself. ... But my daughter is being raised in a different way and she's not going to be the same way I was at that age...
So her making choices about her body at that age, is out of the question...
So because your Dd has always been loved and supported she will be LESS mature at 16?

I had a crappy childhood and left home as a teen. While I was independant, I find in many ways my kids are more mature at the same ages. They are more balanced, reasonable, and better able to understand long term consequences. I was a survivor, but they are truly thriving.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
So peoples' opinions don't count if they don't have kids? ... Maybe someone who can step outside just their emotions over their own child situation and look at it objectively as an outsider would have a good view? Anyone ever think of that?
A couple of my friends don't have kids and I find that they are super to talk to because they can see things better from my kids' points of view. It's so easy to get caught up in the mother thing that we forget that these are humans beings we are raising.

Personally, I think it is far more radical to assume that by practicing AP our kids will be ready to make all sorts of good choices for themselves in the teen years than to assume that we need to dictate every little thing to them as long as the law allows. Heck, that's just mainstream parenting.
post #88 of 91
Interesting. In some places in the world, a 16 y.o. has reached the age of consent for informed medical decision-making. It wouldn't stop some parents from pressuring the teen into making a particular decision.

If, however, the medical professional knew that the teenager hadn't consented to treatment, there's a pretty good legal argument that s/he has violated the law.

I'm leaving aside whether I think vaccines, and the H1N1 vaccine in particular, is a good idea. Since it still isn't available to me or my family, I'm not too worried about whether we should/shouldn't get it. I expect we'll actually have the flu before we can even line up for the shot.
post #89 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
DS1 doesn't have to make an informed decision. I frequently don't. If he doesn't want a vax, that's fine. If he does, that's fine. It's not my decision.
I would probably lean your way too, but I would prefer that he know what he was making a decision about, it would call for some discussion, but in the end I agree with you, I would respect his decision. I just don't get treating a 16 year old like a child, they are not a child and should be given guidance but not absolutes, after all they will be legally be an adult in very short order.
post #90 of 91
Hmm, I agree with the OP's view on handling vaxes with children. Once my child is old enough to really think about things (high school maybe), I plan to leave vaccinations up to them. Of course, this is assuming I have relatively healthy, thoughtful children - if I felt they were to immature to make the decision, I would make it for them.

However, that is my view on MY family dynamic, and I understand that other parents will feel differently - that there is only one right choice and it is their job to make it to protect their children. I can respect that, just like I can respect people who research vaccines and still choose to get them all.

It actually sounds like her parents put thought into the reasons she should get the flu shot, which is a lot more than I can say for most parents, and would actually make me respect them more. They feel the risk is too great. Sure, I'd feel bad her wishes weren't respected, but once she's 18 she can choose to no longer get the shot.
post #91 of 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by sept15lija View Post
I would probably lean your way too, but I would prefer that he know what he was making a decision about, it would call for some discussion, but in the end I agree with you, I would respect his decision. I just don't get treating a 16 year old like a child, they are not a child and should be given guidance but not absolutes, after all they will be legally be an adult in very short order.
I think that at 16, my kids opinion should hold some weight and I would take it into consideration for sure. But it also depends on exactly what decision is being made. If I had an immunocompromised teen who just didn't want to get a shot because it hurt than we might have to have a discussion on how secondary infections can kill.

However, a healthy teen who researched the issue and presented a good arguement? Sure I'd let them make a decision.

As my child grows older, I want him to think and reason for himself. That's part of growing up and maturing. However, part of my job as a parent is recognizing when he is not quite mature enough yet to make some decisions.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Parents Should Respect Their Children's Bodies and Decisions