"Breastfeeding is sexual" - but isn't it? - Page 2

[MaryJaneLouise]

In that regards, giving birth is sexual too. Which 99% of the general US population will see as hard, painful work.

[North_Of_60]

Originally Posted by paxye

I don't think it is sexual.

Oxytocin is not just a sex hormone. It has very specific functions that are not related to sex but feelings. Though it can and does occurs during sex, it is the hormone primarily responsible for love, bonding, trust etc.... It also is of course responsible for letdown and maternal behaviours, and uterine contractions in and after labour.

And I think oxytocin is nature's way of making unpleasant things pleasant to help ensure that the human race continues. Without that release of hormones telling our brains that sex is satisfying, would we do it? And further more, without the release of hormones after birth and while breastfeeding telling our brains that it's enjoyable, relaxing, and a way to bond (or any of the other emotions due to oxytocin), would we do that too?

I don't think it's a sex hormone so much as it's a euphoric hormone, and I think people conflate breastfeeding with being sexual because of that feeling of euphoria. Anything that feels good or makes us happy that is related to sex automatically becomes taboo.

I guess I kind of relate to the OP in that I question what is wrong with breastfeeding being related to sex, even though I don't think it's sexual. If that makes any sense?

Hormones are amazing and are responsible for so much within our body systems that it seems silly to label anything even remotely related to an orgasm as "sexual".

[Mountaingirl79]

Well, that's an interesting question...I am not breastfeeding anymore but when I did I felt it to be a sensual and nurturing experience. It felt reallllllllly good to nurse, and sometimes I would find myself nursing with a small satisfied smile on my face.
That said, I also found birth to be an almost orgasmic experience...after I birthed my son and his placenta, I looked up and announced " That felt REALLY good!" But none of that equals sexual to me. It is just a good feeling.

[GoBecGo]

Thanks to everyone who contributed. I read a really interesting book this weekend, called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night. Some of you may know it, it's about a boy with Aspergers syndrome and is written from his POV. It was a real eye-opener for me because i now realise many of the things that go on in my head are pretty autistic (i knew i had traits but these were things i didn't necessarily associate with that up until now).

Anyway, i realised (and Ruthla really hit it on the head for me) that it is the many zillions of meanings and overtones of the word "sexual" which are causing my problem here. I guess i think of sexual in the biological sense. In fact if lots of people said my husband's baldness was "sexual" i wouldn't think a thing of it, because to me that is a perfectly scientific and correct use of the word. I wouldn't question it for a second. Likewise i really feel "sexual" is completely correct in the contexts of both birth and copulation and lactation.

I guess the crux of this is that i have a meaning of "sexual" in my head which is fairly fixed and i find it really hard when other people use a different word (like sensual - sensual is the experience through or affection of the senses - watching a murder is sensual, hearing a scream, being slapped, but then that is not what normal people mean at all when they say sensual, it's just what i would understand that word to primarily mean) or use the word sexual with a different meaning (penetrative, dirty, fun, orgasmic).

Anyway, thanks again to everyone who joined in, i gained some real insights

[mamazee]

I'm another one who doesn't see it as at all sexual. It's physical, but not everything physical is sexual.

[lifeguard]

Originally Posted by Tizzy

I don't see it as "sexual" but rather "intimate".

This is how I see it. I think we have a hard time with intimacy outside of a sexual relationship in our culture.

[HappyFox05]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

This is how I see it. I think we have a hard time with intimacy outside of a sexual relationship in our culture.

[Squrrl]

I think how you feel about this may have a lot to do with how your body is wired. To me, for example, I have very sensitive nipples. Before pregnancy, I never wanted my nipples to be touched or played with unless I was already mentally aroused, and that was actually a concern to me regarding breastfeeding. Well, unfortunately, it turned out to be a valid concern, and I have never enjoyed breastfeeding, because the whole time my body is fighting the arousal sensations that it isn't in the mood to experience. It is exactly the same sensation that comes from my husband's touching them. Actually, I'm not at all clear on how it could be otherwise, though clearly most of you experience it so. And to be absolutely clear, the way I'm built, I'm MILES away from being able to agree that nipple stimulation is basically the same as, say, being nibbled on the neck, as a PP suggested.

I'm reminded of one of the stranger stories in Spiritual Midwifery, in which a baby fails to thrive until the midwives get together to talk to the mother about accepting the feelings she experiences when nursing and not fighting them. Or, in the words of the Farm's leading visionary, Stephen, "Look, Mildred, a little incest is cool up to about age twelve. Somebody's got to give him some." After which the mother had a good laugh, and the baby began to finally put on some weight. Who knows. Just made me think of it.

Mind, none of this by any stretch represents a coherent answer to the OP's question. Just some thoughts that sprang to mind as I was reading.

[InMediasRes]

Originally Posted by Squrrl

I think how you feel about this may have a lot to do with how your body is wired. To me, for example, I have very sensitive nipples. Before pregnancy, I never wanted my nipples to be touched or played with unless I was already mentally aroused, and that was actually a concern to me regarding breastfeeding. Well, unfortunately, it turned out to be a valid concern, and I have never enjoyed breastfeeding, because the whole time my body is fighting the arousal sensations that it isn't in the mood to experience. It is exactly the same sensation that comes from my husband's touching them. Actually, I'm not at all clear on how it could be otherwise, though clearly most of you experience it so. And to be absolutely clear, the way I'm built, I'm MILES away from being able to agree that nipple stimulation is basically the same as, say, being nibbled on the neck, as a PP suggested.

You're not alone. I was horrified by my sudden (and urgent) feelings of arousal when I bfed my son. Lying in the dark in bed for 45 min nursing him was really, really hard for me.

After so much thinking about this, I realized that I just have very sensitive breasts, but that it should feel good, and that I clearly didn't have sexual feelings for my son. It doesn't make me incestuous, it just makes me a sexually complicated person. For me, intimate, sexual, sensual, whatever...there is a whole lot of overlap and nothing can fit all into one category. Maybe most people don't have this experience, but coming to terms with it was the best way for me to feel good about my breastfeeding experience.

Now, do I think that bfing is INNATELY sexual, no. I don't see the breast as sex objects, or the act of bfing as a sexual act. But please don't discount the fact that for some people, even non-sexual things can make them aroused.

[StoriesInTheSoil]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

The goal is to normalize breastfeeding, to make people 100% comfortable whenever they see a baby or small child drinking milk from his or her mother. To try and reclaim the word "sexual" would be a huge undertaking, and it would take energy away from the true goal of normalizing breastfeeding. We're better off moving away from that word, and emphasizing the nurturing characteristics instead.

ITA, Ruthla!

[sapphire_chan]

Sure, breastfeeding is sexual. It's exactly as sexual as eating. Because eating has all the qualities listed in the OP. Plus it's even done by two consenting adults who are alone together and feeling romantic!

If some one is aroused by their own breastfeeding and wants to stay private, fine, anyone on the outside of the mother-CHILD dyad should go buy a magazine and get therapy. (er, I mean if it's so arousing to them that they feel that they can't control themselves if they see it happening. not just "ooo, my wife is teh sexy and also feeding our baby)

[Sk8ermaiden]

Can I just say I am so envious of all the women for whom nursing feels pleasurable?!?! OMG. I have never hated being a mom or wanted to harm my baby except when I am nursing her. Even for the two weeks or so we got when it didn't hurt, it felt mildly annoying, certainly not pleasant.

Originally Posted by North_Of_60

And further more, without the release of hormones after birth and while breastfeeding telling our brains that it's enjoyable, relaxing, and a way to bond (or any of the other emotions due to oxytocin), would we do that too?

Yes, some of us would. And do.

But no, I do not see it as sexual at all, even in the OP's definition of the word. Reproductive, yes, and intimate, but not sexual.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I see what you are saying but I dont agree that it is sexual.

I use my mouth to eat and also as part of intimacy with dh but I dont see eating as sexual either though it can be very pleasurable.

[WC_hapamama]

I think that it's important to point out that even if an act/process is "sexual" or "reproductive", that it doesn't mean that it's an "erotic" act.

[mylovere123]

i think it is sexual ,it is very nature to caresses breast when i have sex and feed our baby.