Dealing With Tantrums?

[Momma2Gianna]

How do you, personally, deal with tantrums? I've heard all kinds of schools of thought, from put them in their room or their crib to let them have quiet time, pick them up and hold them, let them just tantrum it out, and you step back...etc.

My daughter is on her way to two...And getting into the terrible twos. She has started doing tantrums - Something sets her off, she cries, does the limp noodle thing, collapses to the floor, kicks, screams, cries, punches, etc...And when it's over, it's "Hi, Mommy!" sweet as pie.

Just wondering what people do in these kicking screaming tantrum moments. Sometimes they are set off by absolutely nothing, sometimes they are set off by me taking away something she isn't supposed to play with and offering an alternative ("Play with this!!"), but she doesn't accept the alternative, sometimes it's due to other kids' activities.

Thanks!

[ssh]

Tantrums are what LOs do when they can't handle big emotions. It's also how they learn to deal with those big emotions. So tantrums aren't really bad. The main thing your DD needs to know is that you can handle her big emotions and it's ok to have them. We always empathized with our DD when she was upset. It's helpful to label the emotion and why they are angry/upset if you know the why. Some LOs do better with gentle touching, like rubbing her back, others calm talking is better, and some like to be given their space. Do whatever helps your DD get through the tantrum. Sometimes what works changes over time and you have to figure it out again.

With my DD, 2.5 was the age when tantrums got their worst and most frequent. A couple of months after turning 3 my DD would stop and say "I'm angry.... " and calm down. Most of the tantrums were gone after that.

[Shannie77]

My DD is 2.5 and has started having very long lasting tantrums. I have read lots of different methods and what works for my dd is this. Basically once she "in it" I just make sure she is safe and leave her alone. If I try to talk to her it makes her more mad. If I try to touch her she goes ballistic. There is a point where I start to notice that she is losing steam, usually at that point I can try to help her out of it. Sometimes I grab a toy and use a silly voice and ask her what is wrong, sometimes I grab her favourite book, pull my shirt up and wait for her to come over to nurse and read.

Once she is feeling better we usually talk about it. I say "wow you were really mad that you couldn't do X, but mommy loves you and if I let you do X then you could get hurt and I would be sad". Something like that. If I happened to lose my cool during the tantrum, then I always apologize to her for that.

I would say try a few different methods and see what works for my DD. I read about some people hugging their DC and after a short amount of time they would go limp and accept the cuddle - that does NOT work for my DD. There is also the Happiest Toddler on the Block approach, where you echo back their emotions. "You are MAD, You want X". If I do that DD will go ballistic!!

[kirstenb]

Originally Posted by Shannie77

My DD is 2.5 and has started having very long lasting tantrums. I have read lots of different methods and what works for my dd is this. Basically once she "in it" I just make sure she is safe and leave her alone. If I try to talk to her it makes her more mad. If I try to touch her she goes ballistic. There is a point where I start to notice that she is losing steam, usually at that point I can try to help her out of it.

This describes my DS. Most of the time he gets angry if we try to help him, so I sit nearby while he tantrums until he starts to calm down. The only time I will leave the room is if he starts to hit or kick me. DH will sometimes ask him to go to his room until he is ready to calm down which works sometimes, but not always.

[lisavark]

Right now I LOVE the Happiest Toddler on the Block method, but DD is only 20 months so who knows if it'll still work at 2.5. Basically you echo their emotions to them, matching your tone and facial expressions to their level of emotion. It's really, really effective for DD right now. Her tantrums last about one second. But then, maybe they would last about that length at this age anyway.