really frustrated with homework and self!!

[dfunk98]

dd is 4, and in kindergarten. she will be 5 on dec. 1st, our districts cut-off. this week, dd's teacher sent a note home with the homeowrk that the children should know all of their sight words by this time (there are 8-I, like, can, we, am, a, the, me). she doesn't. we went over them tonight and last night, but she could only recognize 4 out of 8. how can i help her to learn them better and not get so frustrated when she doesn't get it?
she also needs some ot for fine motor development. i've been trying to get her to write her power words, also, to help with recognition, fine motor and writing skills. really, i'm just winging it here and would love some more concrete advice/suggestions. tia!!

[ecoteat]

I wish I had advice. I'm just appalled every time I hear about kindergarden kids having homework, especially at schools with late cut-offs and four year olds in class. She's FOUR!

What exactly does the teacher want here? 100% mastery from the whole class? Awareness from the parents that this is something they are working on? What happens if she doesn't know them?

(OT: We considered naming dd Linus if he was a boy and I was reluctant. I haven't seen anyone else named that since dd was born--I love it!)

[Linda on the move]

let it go. let her be in Kindergarten again next year.

Neither of my kids could do any of that at 4 or 5. They are avid readers and excellant little writers now, but at 4 and 5, they just didn't get it or care.

The problem isn't her and it isn't you. The problem is that the standard isn't age appropriate.

[SoCaliMommy]

No advice just commiseration

I think schools set the standards way too high.

My daughter last year in K ( she turned 5 in Aug school started in Sept) had like 30 site words.

My daughter is now in 1st and they are expected to write 50 words for a quiz next week, and will have a quiz on the 2nd set of 50 at the end of the month. So they have to learn a total of 100words. The kids that get them all correct after each quiz get a party.

[bobandjess99]

It sounds like she is not ready for school yet, on a number of levels. I would have no hesitation about pulling her out and letting her spend another year frely playing and enjoying being a kid. Heck - In many, many states across the nation, she would not even be in K this year, because the cutoff is earlier than Dec 1st. I'm willing to bet that even in your state, many parents of kids close to the cutoff made the decision to keep their child home instead of send a 4 year old to kindergarten.

[lindberg99]

Based on my 5 yo's K class, I'm sure that there are other children in the class who cannot read those words yet. DS's teacher puts pictures of kids who read all their sight words (I think there are 25) on her blog. So far, 8 of 21 kids can read them. They also do this reading racer program that has like 30 levels. DS said some of the kids are still on the first few levels, which are letter recognition and letter sounds.

So I don't see how the teacher can set a concrete deadline for the kids in terms of when they have to be able to read their sight words. If I were you, I would set up a meeting with the teacher and go over things with her. Like what happens if a child does not meet the deadline for knowing these sight words, etc.

Your DD is very young so I do think pulling her out and restarting next year might be an option too, if it works for your family. There is no way my son could have started kindergarten at 4.5, he didn't even know all his letters then, let alone be able to read anything. He also had some fine motor skill issues, like he couldn't cut very well. He went to the early intervention preschool so they did work on this stuff with him (well, not reading but letter recognition, cutting, tracing/writing skills, etc.). He just wasn't ready to learn it then though. He turned 5 in May and started K in August and he's doing really well now. The difference between where he was a year ago and where he is now is amazing. So an extra year could make a huge difference for your DD.

It's sad that kindergarten is causing so much stress for parents and kids these days.

[Kirsten]

With her birthday on the cutoff, did you consider waiting and doing another year of preschool? What made you decide to go into K? Do you still feel those reasons are important, or are you considering taking her out to start K next fall?

Your state has a late cutoff relative to other states. Ours is August 31 - you have to be five before K starts or you don't go. My kids grammy was a preschool teacher for 20 years and wishes they'd pull it back even further - to June 1st. So kids would be at least five years and three months before starting K. If someone has a hard time, it is almost always a summer birthday. SOME of the summer birthdays do fine (I was one) but others don't.

In my dd1's K class, two kids had a hard time - my dd and another girl. Both of them were summer birthdays. I guess it is like that every year from what I hear from those who work in Ks.

So much of what we expect kids to do just isn't POSSIBLE for those very youngest in the class. They just aren't there developmentally yet. No amount of extra sleep or healthy food or practice is going to get them there before they are capable of it. Just frustrating for everyone.

The hard part is not knowing if she will have a tough K year but go on to be fine, or if she will struggle every year. I've seen both. I left my dd1 in K and she was fine by January (though September through early January were TOUGH....) A friend with a summer birthday son left him in K where he struggled there, and in 1st, and in 2nd. They kept putting him in split classes (1st/2nd for example) but he always struggled. THEN you are in the tough spot of holding a third grader back. K is SO much easier to do that.

I think it is also important to look at all aspects. Some kids are super bright and can do the academic work but are immature and could use another year for social reasons. Some are so tall that parents want to start them so they won't tower over other kids but they aren't grasping the concepts yet.

Just yesterday in parent-teacher conferences, our dd2's fourth grade teacher asked us to consider skipping her a grade. While that is a bit of a proud moment, we aren't considering it - as she is a late August birthday. I am looking down the road at college. As it is, she will be 17 a week before she leaves for college. Turn 18 one day and out into the world a few days later. If we skipped a grade for her, she'd be *16* a week before leaving for college! No thanks! She is a mature and bright kid, but I don't want to send a kid who isn't even a legal adult off to college. Her teacher said he hadn't even thought of that; he was just looking at how many grades ahead she is (doing the same math that my dd1 is doing in 8th grade right now and similarly in other areas).

So I'd include her age at graduation into the equation when you are deciding. I know that some things in life are hard, and school should challenge you, but when we are asking four year olds to do what some younger five year olds have trouble with - well, I think we are looking at a very difficult situation.

[lotusdebi]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

The problem isn't her and it isn't you. The problem is that the standard isn't age appropriate.

We homeschool, but if we didn't, I would've held my DS1 back a year, and had him start Kindergarten when he was six. The expectations are just too high.

[lindberg99]

Originally Posted by Kirsten

Just yesterday in parent-teacher conferences, our dd2's fourth grade teacher asked us to consider skipping her a grade. While that is a bit of a proud moment, we aren't considering it - as she is a late August birthday. I am looking down the road at college. As it is, she will be 17 a week before she leaves for college. Turn 18 one day and out into the world a few days later. If we skipped a grade for her, she'd be *16* a week before leaving for college! No thanks! She is a mature and bright kid, but I don't want to send a kid who isn't even a legal adult off to college. Her teacher said he hadn't even thought of that; he was just looking at how many grades ahead she is (doing the same math that my dd1 is doing in 8th grade right now and similarly in other areas).

I know this is OT, while I do think social issues play a role when considering a grade skip (my 4th grade son was accelerated to 5th grade math but I would never do a full acceleration with him) I really wouldn't look at age at HS graduation as a factor in skipping a grade. Your DD doesn't have to go to college right after graduation. I know several kids who did a Rotary youth exchange after high school and went to another country for a year. She could live at home and take a few general ed classes at a community college or online, or she could work for a while. A lot of kids don't move off to college right after high school.

Back to the regularly scheduled topic!

[SunshineJ]

So what happens if she doesn't know them in the given time frame, kindy jail? Keep working with her for no more than 10-15 min a day if you wish, and know that she'll get them when she gets them. If the teacher pushes, push back and let her know that high pressure tactics are NOT remotely appropriate on the kindy level!

[Rosebud1]

I second the comments on standards. I used to teach Kindergarten in California, and the expectations are ridiculous. My students were all expected to be reading, writing sentences independently, and doing addition and subtraction problems by the end of the year. Every year I taught, I had to retain a student who just wasn't there. I still think it is better to retain in K than in the upper grades.

A very wise education professor once told me that children need to learn two things in Kindergarten. One -- I love school. Two -- I'm good at school. Kids who struggle in K are all too aware of their deficiencies in comparison to older classmates. They start to dread school, and their confidence is hard to build up again later.

Back when Kindergarten was learning how to share and play with playdough, four year olds could handle it. With today's standards, I don't see it happening.

[sarathan]

Originally Posted by lotusdebi

We homeschool, but if we didn't, I would've held my DS1 back a year, and had him start Kindergarten when he was six. The expectations are just too high.

Yes, this is us too exactly. In fact, it seems more and more parents are waiting until their kids (especially boys) are 6 before starting kindy.

[ADirrim]

I would try (I know it's easier said than done) not to stress about it (she will pick up on your concern and it will make it harder for her and cause her to be less confident).
If you've decided to work on it,I would try to make it fun for her (it really doesn't have to be miserable). Some things that are commonly used in Montessori classrooms for this purpose are sight word bingo (there are only 8 words- the perfect size for bingo cards), which would be fun and give the appearance of being a game that you are playing together (try to find something fun to use for bingo chips), flashcards, you could also make two matching sets of sight word cards and play concentration/memory (turn them upside down and match them). When you are reading books together at night, you can also say things like, "Oh, you can read that word." If you make a big thing of it, and how exciting it is that she can read it, it will also probably make it more relavant to her and pique her interest in learnign them (most children are pretty excited to read independently).

[WC_hapamama]

In all honesty, I wouldn't worry about it yet if she's enjoying school.

Try playing games with sight word flashcards... set them up like a memory/concentration game.

Re: the fine motor skills, consider a pencil grip, using golf pencils, or fatter pencils. Lots of playing with clay or play-doh type stuff. Both of my older boys had fine motor issues at that age, and this stuff all helped him. At not quite 5, it's developmentally appropriate to not have that kind of fine motor control.

[Rose-Roget]

Originally Posted by WC_hapamama

In all honesty, I wouldn't worry about it yet if she's enjoying school.

Try playing games with sight word flashcards... set them up like a memory/concentration game.

Re: the fine motor skills, consider a pencil grip, using golf pencils, or fatter pencils. Lots of playing with clay or play-doh type stuff. Both of my older boys had fine motor issues at that age, and this stuff all helped him. At not quite 5, it's developmentally appropriate to not have that kind of fine motor control.

In agreement with this and also the idea of doing a second year of kindy. My ds is a late birthday, so he started the year at 4. I decided we'd see how the year went and make a decision about whether or not to do a 2nd kindy year later.

This might not help with fine motor as much, but you could put a fine layer of salt/sugar/fine sand in a pan and let her practice making the letters to the words. It could add a sensory piece to her learning. Arranging magnet letters could be another way to practice. Maybe even try "body spelling" to make it fun and turn it into a game, while also adding movement and sensory to her learning. Varying activities can help kids input the information in different ways and make it more fun in the process.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by lindberg99

I really wouldn't look at age at HS graduation as a factor in skipping a grade. Your DD doesn't have to go to college right after graduation. I know several kids who did a Rotary youth exchange after high school and went to another country for a year. She could live at home and take a few general ed classes at a community college or online, or she could work for a while. A lot of kids don't move off to college right after high school.

None of the kids where I grew up that took more than that summer after high school graduation off actually finished college. The lure of money from a full time job or the travel bug got them all. Of course it is possible, but for my kids it is right into college after that summer after graduation. So for me, it is definitely an important aspect of why I wouldn't skip her a grade - or start her earlier than age five. YMMV.

Originally Posted by Rosebud1

A very wise education professor once told me that children need to learn two things in Kindergarten. One -- I love school. Two -- I'm good at school. Kids who struggle in K are all too aware of their deficiencies in comparison to older classmates. They start to dread school, and their confidence is hard to build up again later.

I really agree with that. Loving school is the most important part of preschool and K IMO too.

[dfunk98]

thanks for all the feedback. i was on the fence about sending her to k, bc of her birthday. but her pre-k teacher told me she was ready. dd is very social and her teacher felt she was emotionally ready for kindergarten. she said that she was on par, academically, but whatever she needed help with, she could catch up on. i'm really not ready to think about her repeating kindergarten yet. it's hard for me to even think about.
i guess my original reason for posting was to find out how i can have more patience and just "let it go", instead of becoming so frustrated. i'm going to try the sight word bingo and memory games. hopefully, that will help.
dd really enjoys school, loves for me to read to her, likes to pretend to read to us and her dolls and even wants to play school when she gets home. i just don't want to break that, bc i'm putting too much pressure on her. i think her teacher is really great, i'm the one who's struggling.

[mammastar2]

I understand the teacher sent home a note about the number of sight words kids 'should' know by now, but I'm not sure that she's telling you, the parent, to ensure this is the case? Personally, I would take it as informational, not as homework for the parents.

If your daughter enjoys playing word games like memory/concentration or bingo, then by all means use some of your time together to enjoy those activities. And, of course, read to her a lot and enjoy sharing stories, perhaps pointing at sight words as you say them, and sometimes just pointing and letting her say them, if she enjoys it. However, I wouldn't take the note from the teacher as a signal that you're supposed to 'work' at something at home. Your daughter needs her downtime, and things will fall into place over time anyway. It's more important that she enjoy school and learning, and that she enjoy her relationship with you, and not have it marred by conflict over homework and 'sight words.'

...by the by, I also think those standards are ridiculous! When my daughter was in kindy, the teacher simply read lots of stories to the kids, helped them write stories as a group, let them browse books on their own, and had a writing station where kids wrote whatever they liked (including using 'imaginary' nonsense writing). She's now a fluent reader despite having perhaps two sight words by the end of kindergarten...

[eepster]

I need to make a few statements right off the bat.

1. I don't believe in retetion for kindergarteners. I have personal experience and research to back me up, but don't want to get bogged down in it.
   
2. I don't believe in teaching sight words. While it works for some kids it doesn't work for many, and it doesn't promote full language understanding. Students who are naturally inclined to learn sight words pick them up best through being read to.

Those things said and out of the way, here are my suggestions to help your DD learn them.

• Use phonics. Even if the school isn't bothering with the phonics, doesn't mean you can't teach it to her. Starfall.com is a great resource for this. Also BOB Books are great.
  
• Read books together. While reading point under each word as you say it. Read slowly and clearly. When you get to one of her sight words, have her read it. This will work particularly well if you start with books she is already very familiar with and then move on to ones she hasn't heard 20 times already.

Don't get too panicky yet. She has learned 4 already, that means she is capable of learning them (if she knew none it would be a different issue.) Remember knowing all 8 is the goal, but I'll bet there are plenty of students that haven't gotten there quite yet.

Also, long term how your react to this is going to have more of an effect than what grade she gets in kindergarten. When she is choosing a college they will be looking at her HS transcript and SAT scores, not what her K grades were. Make sure you focus on how proud you are that she is working so hard and don't worry to much. Reading comprehension is actually a more important long term skill than basic decoding.

If she starts to feel the pressure of being "behind" where she is supposed to be, go ahead and tell her that long term it matters little. Reading just clicks for students at different ages, and it has little to do with their intelligence or how well they do later in life.

[Freeman]

Originally Posted by dfunk98

i guess my original reason for posting was to find out how i can have more patience and just "let it go", instead of becoming so frustrated. i'm going to try the sight word bingo and memory games. hopefully, that will help.
dd really enjoys school, loves for me to read to her, likes to pretend to read to us and her dolls and even wants to play school when she gets home. i just don't want to break that, bc i'm putting too much pressure on her. i think her teacher is really great, i'm the one who's struggling.

DS is also in kindergarten. His class is up to about 60 sight words at this point; they are also doing spelling with phonics, etc. It is way different from the 1/2-day kindy I attended! Sight words seem to be a kindergarten standard these days. Anyway, ds's teacher sends home sight-word bingo games and other sight-word games for homework. DS loves sight-word bingo, esp. when he wins . There are also "sight words of the week," which the teacher suggests displaying on index cards. Since you dd likes playing school with dolls, you could have your dd "quiz" the dolls on the words on the index cards. I think having your dd copy the sight words is a really good idea - this would help both with fine motor and in recognizing/visualizing the word. Finally, I wouldn't hesitate to ask the teacher for tips on learning sight words. She may have some good ideas that other children/parents have found helpful and fun.