DD is nearing 2(dec.2nd) and we've continued to struggle with her behavior towards the boy that I babysit during the weekdays. They're very close in age and size, and see each other 4 times a week. DD is normally very introverted and stays very quiet or close to me around new children/adults. But as soon as this little boy arrives her behavior changes. When he first walks through the door she's shows her excitement by jumping up and down
and saying his name over and over again. So I know that she's happy when he comes over, at least at first.
The little boy is very very very easily in tears for the simplest of things. He cries or whines over everything. His mom is very sheltering and has gone through a divorce and is constantly stressing over his father and so on. I understand the childs frustrations,confusion, and lack of stability right now. I know that's mostly why he's crying so easily. The mother hovers and practically will not allow him to play on the playground without her inches behind him.
I dont take this approach to parenting DD so she's pretty self soothing for the most part, she can play alone and does very well with expressing her needs. DD isnt usually the dominant child on the playground or in playgroups. She's very observant and often gets hurt because she doesnt try to play with other children. Just as an example-Once she was standing on a fort at the park just watching an older child play, when that same child ran over and shoved DD off of the equipment. What I'm trying to say is that usually DD isnt the aggressor and I'm not sure how to handle/understand it.
I'm pretty good about making sure neither of them get bored. I know this is when trouble starts brewing so I make sure we do lots of age appropriate activities. But without fail DD starts to 'bug' him. I use the word bug because she will get in his bubble and do things like lightly push him, and she isnt shoving him or knocking him on the ground. She's literally placing her hand on his shoulder or arm and pushing him just enough to make him make his 'im about to cry face
'. I always approach her and kneel, remove her hand from him and remind her that he doesnt like it when she does that. And as an adult I know its so silly that it makes him cry, but the point is that he doesnt like it. I dont have the heart or right to tell him to suck it up because DD isnt hurting him.
The light pushing is how it started. Now she will pinch his shirt right at the collar and pull him in circles. I swear for the life of me she is just doing this to make him cry
. I remove her hand from his shirt and tell her once again that its dangerous for her to pull him around because he might fall and if he falls she might fall. Etc. I've tried sitting her down away from him but she only repeats what I told her not to do and then 20 minutes later she's telling him exactly what I told her as shes doing it again.
She snatches toys out of his hands or grabs at him to take snacks away from him. She gets really jittery and starts breathing heavy when she's doing it. It's so odd for me to react to this because she's never like this with any other child, ever. I feel like she feels stronger than him and she's trying to dominate him in some way but I cannot figure out why. I've been in a lot of situations as the parent of the child being bullied and I've never felt confident in the way I handle the situation, especially with how I address DD when she's been hurt or had a toy taken away. I think thats where this is stemming from. Any advice on how to pin point what exactly I'm not doing right and how to get her to sympathize with him and understand that being sensitive is okay, would be awesome. I dont want her to think that its normal for her to feel the need to be dominant over him or any other child.
Also, any ideas on how to encourage her or the child that I babysit to stick up for themselves would be great. Would encouraging them to say 'dont push me' or whatever be the right way to go?
and saying his name over and over again. So I know that she's happy when he comes over, at least at first.The little boy is very very very easily in tears for the simplest of things. He cries or whines over everything. His mom is very sheltering and has gone through a divorce and is constantly stressing over his father and so on. I understand the childs frustrations,confusion, and lack of stability right now. I know that's mostly why he's crying so easily. The mother hovers and practically will not allow him to play on the playground without her inches behind him.
I dont take this approach to parenting DD so she's pretty self soothing for the most part, she can play alone and does very well with expressing her needs. DD isnt usually the dominant child on the playground or in playgroups. She's very observant and often gets hurt because she doesnt try to play with other children. Just as an example-Once she was standing on a fort at the park just watching an older child play, when that same child ran over and shoved DD off of the equipment. What I'm trying to say is that usually DD isnt the aggressor and I'm not sure how to handle/understand it.
I'm pretty good about making sure neither of them get bored. I know this is when trouble starts brewing so I make sure we do lots of age appropriate activities. But without fail DD starts to 'bug' him. I use the word bug because she will get in his bubble and do things like lightly push him, and she isnt shoving him or knocking him on the ground. She's literally placing her hand on his shoulder or arm and pushing him just enough to make him make his 'im about to cry face
'. I always approach her and kneel, remove her hand from him and remind her that he doesnt like it when she does that. And as an adult I know its so silly that it makes him cry, but the point is that he doesnt like it. I dont have the heart or right to tell him to suck it up because DD isnt hurting him.The light pushing is how it started. Now she will pinch his shirt right at the collar and pull him in circles. I swear for the life of me she is just doing this to make him cry
. I remove her hand from his shirt and tell her once again that its dangerous for her to pull him around because he might fall and if he falls she might fall. Etc. I've tried sitting her down away from him but she only repeats what I told her not to do and then 20 minutes later she's telling him exactly what I told her as shes doing it again.She snatches toys out of his hands or grabs at him to take snacks away from him. She gets really jittery and starts breathing heavy when she's doing it. It's so odd for me to react to this because she's never like this with any other child, ever. I feel like she feels stronger than him and she's trying to dominate him in some way but I cannot figure out why. I've been in a lot of situations as the parent of the child being bullied and I've never felt confident in the way I handle the situation, especially with how I address DD when she's been hurt or had a toy taken away. I think thats where this is stemming from. Any advice on how to pin point what exactly I'm not doing right and how to get her to sympathize with him and understand that being sensitive is okay, would be awesome. I dont want her to think that its normal for her to feel the need to be dominant over him or any other child.
Also, any ideas on how to encourage her or the child that I babysit to stick up for themselves would be great. Would encouraging them to say 'dont push me' or whatever be the right way to go?
