First time mom's panic

[Blanca78]

So, this being pregnant thing is turning out to be quite the emotional rollercoaster for me. One minute I'm absolutely elated, the other minute I'm freaking out thinking about how much my life is going to change. I've wanted DH and I to take a trip to Europe for years; we have family and friends there. Now I'm realizing we better go NOW. I also better go visit my college friends in NYC NOW. And my other friend who just moved to Texas. Last night I got two texts inviting me out for drinks with my grad program (I would have gone, skipping the drinks of course, but missed the texts till this morning). Suddenly I'm feeling like everything is a "last"--a goodbye to the freedom I'm used to, and I'm regretting all the travel I haven't done.

I know I am entering a new and equally wonderful if not better life, but still, the prospect of change is scary. Just figuring out what classes I should take to finish my degree, and thinking about getting my thesis done, seems to require planning a year in advance.

Anyone out there want to reassure me that life as I know it is not necessarily ending? Maybe we can travel to Europe with the baby some time. DH can stay home with it if I want to go out with friends now and then.

Anyone else having these same fears?

[*KaiMom*]

I find traveling with my children awesome. I acually would rather go with them then alone. The thought of experiencing somewhere new with them and seeing it through their eyes is amazing. It is actually easier than you think to travel with them with a little planning and lots of flexability.

I would just try to enjoy your pregnancy and let go of anything that is not in your control...and maybe more. I always want to look back on my pregnancies with awe and love. Not worry. Life always has a way of working out. Children to not mean the end of live they just require a new way of thinking about life.

[Blanca78]

Originally Posted by *KaiMom*

I find traveling with my children awesome. I acually would rather go with them then alone. The thought of experiencing somewhere new with them and seeing it through their eyes is amazing. It is actually easier than you think to travel with them with a little planning and lots of flexability.

I would just try to enjoy your pregnancy and let go of anything that is not in your control...and maybe more. I always want to look back on my pregnancies with awe and love. Not worry. Life always has a way of working out. Children to not mean the end of live they just require a new way of thinking about life.

Thank you, that's reassuring! Sometimes I just need to be reminded that it can be done, people do things with babies all the time. I know my parents took me to Ireland when I was a year old. I also think once I'm farther along and it starts to feel less abstract/more real, it will be easier to visualize life after.

[othersomethings]

my parents spent a summer in Mexico with me before I turned 1.

I've also traveled by plane with DD before she was 1 too, and it's a little more luggage, a carseat, and lots of nursing! But very worth while and I'd certainly do it again.

I honestly don't go out in the evenings very much any more. In fact...almost never. But when I do? Oh man. I enjoy it like I never did before. And the whole time I'm out, a part of me is aching to get back home to my little girl.

I had a lot of the same concerns you did with my first, and I have to tell you...it all worked out. I let go of the fear, and embraced the new unknown. And I really do love it more now. I'm happy to give up some of my social freedom to enjoy this motherhood business. It's what was missing from my life and I didn't even know it! I feel like after I had my daughter, a void was filled that I didn't even know existed!

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by *KaiMom*

I find traveling with my children awesome. I acually would rather go with them then alone. The thought of experiencing somewhere new with them and seeing it through their eyes is amazing. It is actually easier than you think to travel with them with a little planning and lots of flexability.

I would just try to enjoy your pregnancy and let go of anything that is not in your control...and maybe more. I always want to look back on my pregnancies with awe and love. Not worry. Life always has a way of working out. Children to not mean the end of live they just require a new way of thinking about life.

It's so much fun seeing their excitement or wonder at something.

Life does change after you have children, but it's meant to change. It's not meant to be the same as before. At first babies require so much care, but it gets easier with time. *KaiMom* I think you said it so well that you just require a new way of thinking about life.

As we become parents, we are on our own developmental journey. You can keep developing and growing, it just has to fit with your other priorities. You may have to delay gratification, but you find new, unexpected things gratifying.

Originally Posted by othersomethings

my parents spent a summer in Mexico with me before I turned 1.

I've also traveled by plane with DD before she was 1 too, and it's a little more luggage, a carseat, and lots of nursing! But very worth while and I'd certainly do it again.

I honestly don't go out in the evenings very much any more. In fact...almost never. But when I do? Oh man. I enjoy it like I never did before. And the whole time I'm out, a part of me is aching to get back home to my little girl.

I had a lot of the same concerns you did with my first, and I have to tell you...it all worked out. I let go of the fear, and embraced the new unknown. And I really do love it more now. I'm happy to give up some of my social freedom to enjoy this motherhood business. It's what was missing from my life and I didn't even know it! I feel like after I had my daughter, a void was filled that I didn't even know existed!

We took dd2 at 6 m.o. and dd1 at 3 y.o. on a plane trip to Nova Scotia a couple of years ago. Nursing, planning and ensuring a child-friendly trip made it a success. That was a lot of fun.

I too had a lot of the same concerns. People have a variety of ways in which they adapt to motherhood. Be gentle with yourself, listen to your gut. If you find you are making changes that don't fit into your old life or your old expectations, that's okay. Things are meant to change.

[*KaiMom*]

Originally Posted by Surfacing

:
As we become parents, we are on our own developmental journey. You can keep developing and growing, it just has to fit with your other priorities. You may have to delay gratification, but you find new, unexpected things gratifying.

ITA The journey that I feel as a parent is so mystifying, gratifying, scary, and wonderful all at the same time. It amazes me that sometimes I want to run and hide from the thing that I love most in this world. If that makes sense. I highly recommend the book Buddah Mom...it talks a lot about the mothering transformation.


Living in Hawaii for almost 10 years when your family all lived on the Mainland required a lot of travel. I think my oldest has probably been on an airplane more times in his life than I have in mine. We are actually thinking about him flying solo this summer because I feel like he is so used to it.

[Blanca78]

Originally Posted by *KaiMom*

ITA The journey that I feel as a parent is so mystifying, gratifying, scary, and wonderful all at the same time. It amazes me that sometimes I want to run and hide from the thing that I love most in this world. If that makes sense. I highly recommend the book Buddah Mom...it talks a lot about the mothering transformation.


Living in Hawaii for almost 10 years when your family all lived on the Mainland required a lot of travel. I think my oldest has probably been on an airplane more times in his life than I have in mine. We are actually thinking about him flying solo this summer because I feel like he is so used to it.

Thank you, I will check out that book for sure. I think part of my anxiety has to do with my own fears that I have not traveled/experienced as much as I want to, that I haven't taken advantage of enough opportunities for adventure. But at almost 32, I also feel ready to move on to building a family. I have to remember that this will be a new kind of experience, and adventures are possible with children--I for one have been fantasizing about hiking with a baby on my back, teaching them to enjoy being in the outdoors and appreciating the world at its most elemental level, for years. It's great to hear perspectives from all of you. Keep those stories coming, if you like.

[*KaiMom*]

Originally Posted by Blanca78

Thank you, I will check out that book for sure. I think part of my anxiety has to do with my own fears that I have not traveled/experienced as much as I want to, that I haven't taken advantage of enough opportunities for adventure. But at almost 32, I also feel ready to move on to building a family. I have to remember that this will be a new kind of experience, and adventures are possible with children--I for one have been fantasizing about hiking with a baby on my back, teaching them to enjoy being in the outdoors and appreciating the world at its most elemental level, for years. It's great to hear perspectives from all of you. Keep those stories coming, if you like.

YES YES YES! Hiking with children is one of the best ways to get out and learn....for everyone. When you are camping you don't have to worry about a lot of rules. No touching, no yelling, no running, etc etc...all things that might come up if you are riding on an airplane or staying in a hotel.

Last year when ds2 was almost 2 we took a week backpack trip. It was 5 days and 22 miles of love and beauty. I carried him and dh carried all of our supplies. We camped, cooked on the fire, swam in the waterfalls it was one of those times in life that you think about a lot...ds1 had no interested in going...too much walking for him he told us. LOL He was the only missing element. But we had a magical time. We had done lots of camping (actually ds2 went camping for the first time when he was 2 weeks and slept in a laundry basket) and had hiked a lot so he was very prepared. I probably wouldn't have done something that long and tough without a lot of experience under ds2 belt.

[Heart349]

I have been dying to go to Europe and DH had promised that we would go the summer of 2010. Well, now that's out. At first I was a bit disappointed, but we've been trying to have a baby for 3 years and I wouldn't trade it for the dream vacation of a lifetime.

The other night, DH asked if I was upset about it, and suddenly I had an epiphany. My parents live far away and my mom once said she can't wait until I have kids because she knows mine won't be as ungrateful as my sisters. She said she can't wait to have my kids come stay with her for a week here and there. So, the solution may be to send the kid(s) to stay with my mom while we travel if we can't take them with us! Do you have a similar option?

[Blanca78]

Originally Posted by Heart349

I have been dying to go to Europe and DH had promised that we would go the summer of 2010. Well, now that's out. At first I was a bit disappointed, but we've been trying to have a baby for 3 years and I wouldn't trade it for the dream vacation of a lifetime.

The other night, DH asked if I was upset about it, and suddenly I had an epiphany. My parents live far away and my mom once said she can't wait until I have kids because she knows mine won't be as ungrateful as my sisters. She said she can't wait to have my kids come stay with her for a week here and there. So, the solution may be to send the kid(s) to stay with my mom while we travel if we can't take them with us! Do you have a similar option?

I thought of that. It's possible! My mom will be so incredibly excited when we share the news--this will be her first grandchild (the first on either side, actually!). But at the same time I don't know if my parents would be up for caring for a super young kid for so long. If we could wait until this one's five or so, maybe, but who knows, we'll probably have another by then. I almost wonder if it would be easier to go when the baby's still young enough to travel on my lap--maybe summer 2011, when it's a year old? We'd be visiting close friends and family, so I think they'd like seeing the baby and would understand the need for family-friendly stuff. They might even be willing to babysit for an afternoon or two so DH and I could go exploring. Come to think of it, a family friend in Paris just had a baby so her daughter will be less than a year older than ours--maybe she wouldn't mind watching ours or setting us up with her nanny for a couple of days....

It's seeming more and more possible!

[rightkindofme]

I live in California. In my daughter's first year of life she flew to Oregon, Oklahoma, and a 26 hour trip to New Zealand. The New Zealand trip was SO MUCH FUN and I think she made it better. We are thinking about trying to get in one more international flight before we have to buy her a seat so we might go to Scotland in the spring before I am too big.

She's also been on a major camping trip and to lots of cool places nearby. Kids are an awesome adventure. I'm so happy I have my daughter with me when I do fun stuff. I love knowing that her memories of growing up will be about adventure after adventure!

[maranapanda]

I love camping and road tripping with my babies. Love it. We took a camping trip to the Virgin Islands when my dd was 2.5 and my son was just 3 months.


The way I look at it is like this...
What ever you experienced before children is great. Now we move into the season of living with children, and its Amazing. It also is fleeting. Before we know it they will have moved on to do their own thing. This time will pass, so I plan to soak up every minute of it. Taking it slow, and being with my babies as they explore their world.

Then one day they will be gone, and DH and I will be crazy old people hittin' up happy hour and rocking Vegas. Or, maybe not.

[welsh]

I missed this thread but it's an interesting one so I thought I'd add my 2 cents...
Before I got pg with DS, I thought I'd crave independence and would leave him if I got the opportunity to travel or something. The truth is, you don't know how you'll feel until the child arrives and from then on, you have to trust your gut.
I remember us all having medical examinations when DH got offered the job in Russia (we were in Houston). The Ped who examined DS could not understand why we were taking DS on the househunting trip. I explained that he was only 9 mos old, nursing and very attached to me (still is of course!). Plus we didn't have anyone to leave him with.
We were on such opposite ends of the parenting spectrum. She suggested that I had a problem because I was too attached to him. AND it was my problem, DS wouldn't mind!! 'Just pump your milk and he'll be fine'...she clearly had either not had kids or hadn't nursed them!

I just couldn't understand why we wouldn't bring him along?!
Travelling is so much easier when they're mostly nursing. It is food, comfort, distraction...and they don't tend to have earache on planes!
DS and I will fly over to the UK or to Spain to visit inlaws without DH and he totally takes it in his stride

As for nights out, I had 3 months off my book club when DS was born but then that was my 1 night a month that I had to go out.
Now I have a Mother's Helper who comes to play with DS because I have found that I am a much better Mama if I take a little time occasionally to get a coffee with friends and find some space. I am very fortunate to be able to do this.

[expat-mama]

Originally Posted by welsh

I just couldn't understand why we wouldn't bring him along?!
Travelling is so much easier when they're mostly nursing. It is food, comfort, distraction...and they don't tend to have earache on planes!
DS and I will fly over to the UK or to Spain to visit inlaws without DH and he totally takes it in his stride

I'm glad to hear this and I've met moms while traveling who say the same thing! DH and I actually have a fair amount of travel planned for late fall and winter of 2010/2011 and I'm really looking forward to it!
It's taken a while for us to realize that if we want to have a family we will have to fit it into our crazy lives- we travel a lot, we live in strange countries, and we move around a lot. But along the way we've met wonderful parents and children who have the same lifestyle and we've learned that a loving, stable family is really all a kid needs. And we can definitely provide that and a lot more. We realized that the text-book, "normal" family life will never be ours and we've got to find our own way and now that we know that I'm really excited about it.

[chattyprincess]

We travel all the time. before dd was 2 we were flying from minnesota to maine at least every other month to visit fam and friends. She was nursed so it just made it that much easier (not having to lug/clean bottles and formula...ugh that would be a hassle). Yeah we had to bring her carseat but besides that her stuff was so small it fit fine in our suitcase.
Dd is 3 now and when she was 16mths we moved from a small town of 1,000 to toronto ontario with my hubbys work. we now travel by road trip at least 4 times a year to see family.
Starting this december we are going on a month long trip from here to minnesota, texas and maine then home again. With our dd (3) and me being preggers. Travel is way more than possible. Yes we did have to do some "thinking" and figure ways to entertain for 12+ hour car rides by buying a dvd player and stocking up on stickers...but its fine. If you hike you might need to purchase a framed child carrier. But in all truth its something that you seem to just sort out pretty simply...remembering to pack juice/milk and snacks becomes so secondhand its a thoughtless process.
I agree with what other people say as well. Once you have your child even when you go somewhere just the two of you you will find yourself say...I wonder what dd/ds would think of this...?
Travel is something that is so exhilirating for everyone, not just grownups. It enriches your child in ways you could never imagine. What better way to understand that everyone is not the same then to travel to countries where people do NOT speak english 24/7...I think you will find traveling with your child more fun then you can imagine.

[calmom]

When I was pg with #1, I felt very much the way you are feeling. Even the first few months after he was born, I felt sad that I could not go back to my "old" life. But I PROMISE you that this will be the best thing you have ever done. Traveling with little ones can be very fun but at the same time, you will be so IN LOVE with that new little person that you just may not want to leave them very much. LOL You will do just fine.

[Blanca78]

I love hearing all these reassuring stories, and I'm glad this thread is helpful to other first-timers as well! There's another amazing thread in this DDC first-timers should check out. I think it's called "sticker shock" and it's lists of baby stuff you actually need versus stuff you don't need. I love the advice from people who have done this before!