I think we're ready to nightwean our twins

[4Marmalade]

if I can get over the guilt of not being supermom. Sigh......

They are almost 17 months old and cosleep with us in our king size bed. About a month ago we started getting them to sleep with dh. I slept across the hall in ds1's room. It went fairly well and they went from nursing 10+ times/each to only 1-2 times each. Then we had the flu go through so I went back to bed with them and nursed them as often as needed. Now they are better but the nightnursing is crazy. We have tried them sleeping with dh again but they don't want anything to do with it. They scream and cry (a month ago they fussed slightly), stand at the door to get to me and wake each other up. I'm not sure if this is the way to go or not. If this method does work I'm not sure how to go about getting back into the family bed. When I've tried before they just go back to nursing all night again. Maybe I should just do the nightweaning. I will admit that I am not exactly coherent in the middle of the night and even when I say I will not nurse them I end up doing it half asleep. They also wake up all evening long. There really is no longer stretch that I can see. I am OK nursing once or twice but am unsure where to put that nursing session. They wake each other up so is it best to nightwean them together seeing as they're both awake anyways? We have another bedroom downstairs that we can use and the noise from each room would not wake the other up. Dh and I could each take a baby and do it that way?? Maybe we should nightwean them one at a time?

We've already stopped nursing them to sleep at the beginning of the night and they accept both dh (with a bit of fuss from dd) or myself lying down with them until they are asleep. I do still tandem nurse them to sleep for their nap though. Most nursing sessions thake place on the couch rather than the bed except for the middle of the night ones.

I feel so guilty typing this and knowing that my babies will be crying for milk. I didn't nightwean my older dc's until 2-2.5 but I was able to sleep better with them. Being sandwiched between two babies who wake up constantly leaving me tandemning on my back much of the night is exhausting. And then spending the days caring for four dc's is starting to wear on me. I am perfectly happy sleeping with my babies (even nursing once or twice) and snuggling them when they wake but something needs to change. For the record the constant nightwaking is not new, it's always been this way and I don't believe it's caused by anything other than just stirring to wake and taking advantage of the close proximity to milk. My older dc's were the same way.

Sorry this is so long. Just trying to give as much info as possible and trying to type out my thoughts and feelings.

Any advice or thoughts are welcome.

[mckennasmomma]

no advice, but i just wanted to say that you do not need to feel guilty whatsoever. you are doing a fabulous job. i think that when you can let go of the guilt the nightweaning will happen much more smoothly. your children will feel your trepidation or confidence, and you can choose which message to send them.

[CheriK]

We night weaned our twins a bit older (2 1/2), but I know exactly where you're coming from. It is exhausting, and if you feel like you need to night wean for your own sanity and health, then it's time to change the nighttime situation.

I was also worried that we'd have to give up our family bed in order to night wean. At about the time I absolutely HAD to get more sleep at night (twins nursing like typical cosleeping toddlers coupled with my own insomnia was making daytime parenting next to impossible), I read Jay Gordon's book "Good Nights". It was the first ideas I'd gotten about nighttime weaning while sharing a family bed, that actually encouraged continuing cosleeping. His night weaning ideas are on-line at http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp.

It wasn't easy for one of our twins. DD night weaned in about a week, and only really had one or two nights of being upset about it. DS took a month. Literally. DH was up walking the halls with him for a full month before he would let us comfort him back to sleep in bed. He wouldn't let me cuddle or walk him at all at first. It was hard, but we all survived and I really needed to sleep at night, so I don't regret it. If I sound like a heartless Mommy, DS was doing fine during the day; if his daytime behavior had changed I would have stopped trying. And they kept nursing until 5 1/2 and 6, so it clearly didn't cause early weaning.

[spirit4ever]

wow momma, what you've done so far is so totally awesome!!!! I don't even know how you've done it, my dd is 15 months (kiddo #3) and i'm almost losing my mind from nursing her at night, I can't imagine 2 of them!!!!!!!! I would def say do what you feel is best, and I'm sure you will survive the nightweaning, I plan on nightweaning soon too. DO NOT feel guilty, your body needs the sleep.
Take care and good luck!

[MamaChicken]

After the last three nights, I'm considering nightweaning my 13 mo old twins. The total lack of sleep, hyper-sensative nipples (from marathon nursing), and cramps in my neck made me want to scream!!! My temper, patience and ability to work are suffering. I can totally understand how you are feeling. I never considered nightweaning either of my singletons this early, but this is bad. And it is like this more often than not. I get 2-3 good nights and then 2-3 WEEKS of bad nights.

Don't beat yourself up. Nursing is a fantastic gift, and you have worked hard. But it is not the end-all, be-all of good parenting. If you aren't able to effectively parent, then something needs to change.

[fyrebloom]

night nursing twins is HARD! I nightweaned mine at about the same age, I was pregnant and it was SOOOO painful having the two of them nursing ALL NIGHT LONG! They were nursing at least a dozen times a night between the two of them and I couldn't do it anymore. Breastfeeding is a two way street, if you're done, you're done even if they want to nurse all night. For us, mine were about 20-21 months old and I told them the mimis were broken and that was that. They were not happy but after a couple of nights they stopped asking and they never really cried... just did a fair amount of pouting LOL.

[4Marmalade]

Well, I have a bit of an update. Right when we were going to start implementing a "plan" things improved greatly. Dh slept with them again and I slept in ds1's room. Minimal crying and the last two nights they have slept from about 9pm to 6am without nursing. They each wake a couple of times but dh says he barely needs to give them a pat on their back and they go back to sleep. I nurse them in the evening if they wake up but so far they've only woken up once at around 9pm (they go to sleep around 6:30pm). We are hoping this continues and that I am able to make my way back into the family bed again.

Thank you to everyone for the commiseration, advice and words of encouragement.

[spirit4ever]

wow, that's awesome!!!

[mckennasmomma]

it really is. actually it gives me hope with my daugter too! i can't remember, did you do anything besides sleep in another room? has your dh mostly just comforted them as best he can when they wake?