Help me decide on doctor??

[juleslane]

I am so confused and lowing sleep on this. Will sum it all up.

Doc 1: delivered my other 3 kiddos. Wonderful practice, remind me of the docs on Deliver me! 4 docs, all always on same page. I had 3 sections, and my main doc never made me feel like I couldn't have more. Told me I could 100% have another. Always plays it safe, and always easy to get an appt. Never encouraged me to get a tubal, even though this will be my 4th section. Downfall.....we have sinced moved, and they are 45 minutes away, hospital is 50 minutes without traffic downtown.

Doc 2 Totally new, referred from SIL. Office is 10 minutes down road, hospital is 5 minutes down road. Met with her yesterday, she did not do a pap, or even try to listen to the HB, even though she said my uterus was measuring weeks ahead. Sent me for a sono instead. Seemed very tired, like she was miserable,and done for the day. The kicker...she told me after we confirmed my due date, she would schedule me for a c-section AND a tubal. Asked me if he was a boy this time(we have 3 girls now), would I consider getting a tubal. I said no, but she said she would schedule it anyway, since I had time to think about it. Said I had to outweigh the benefits of a large family, vs having "just a few and being able to send them to Yale" WTH? I felt like she was judging me.

So while it looks like this should be an easy choice, I am really struggling, because my good doc is so far away. Would you even consider that an issue? The hospital close to me is a top notch hospital, and it pains me to have to drive right past it, to drive an hour to another. With dh having to stay home with the kids at night too, it would help to be so close. What would you do? There are no other good options for me.

[Buzzer Beater]

Wow. I don't think I could go to a doc who said something like that to me. That is sooooo... rude.

I'd go to the doc you know and trust unless it is a hardship of time or money to get to him. He sounds wonderful, and you deserve that!

[Traceround]

Is there no option for a third doctor?

I absolutely would NOT go to a doctor that pushed a tubal on me without me either requesting information or indicating in some way that I was interested in permanent sterilization.

That is so not her call. Even if you had horrible pregnancies that were very rough on your body and put incredible strain on your systems, that is way inappropriate. Your family size is not her choice nor should she be pushing her agenda on you.

[juleslane]

I wish there was another option for a doc, but I have weird insurance....hard to find someone to take it.

I am so leaning to just biting the bullet and making the commute, but it's a long drive. I suppose we will make it work somehow.

[neldabean]

I would totally drive the extra miles. With my dd I drove a hour to see my midwife and with ds I drove a hour as well to my midwives. It was really not bad. You do not deserve to be treated like that!! You have the right to refuse any treatment as well. It's your body, birth and your Baby!

[LiLeon]

Go with your gut. Do you really see yourself building a positive realtionship with Doc #2? It does sound like a long drive, but it also seems like Doc #1 has everything you want and need from a care provider.

[LisaSedai]

RUN RUN RUN from Dr # 2.

[at_the_hip]

DRIVE. It'll be worth it!!

[Tulafina]

If it were me- I would 100% say no to Dr.#2 and YES to the longer commute.

I personally need a good relationship with my careprovider, and a good birth experience. You know what's important for your health and mind. Go with your instinct

Good luck!

[juleslane]

Ok, you all have helped a ton. Thanks for validating my feelings....just wanted to make sure I wasn't over-reacting. Guess it's only once a month for a while...I will have time to get used to it!

[triana1326]

Originally Posted by neldabean

I would totally drive the extra miles. With my dd I drove a hour to see my midwife and with ds I drove a hour as well to my midwives. It was really not bad. You do not deserve to be treated like that!! You have the right to refuse any treatment as well. It's your body, birth and your Baby!

I drove an hour and a half to see my midwives. I would not comprise on it because I knew the horrible care I would get if I went to the doctor/CNM down the street from me. I would go with the docs that you feel comfortable with - remember, labor and birth are affected by how you feel about those around you.

[GoBecGo]

I would drive to see my midwife.

The tubal thing really concerned me. Your future fertility is the doctor's call at the point when a hysterectomy is all that can save your life. It is SO presumptuous of her to judge your choices in family size and mention Yale etc.

If i were you i'd go with the docs you know, since they know you and you're likely to be happier and safer in their hands just for that reason - plus if you're the sort of doctor who doesn't limit how many c-sections a woman can have based on arbitrary numbers, then you probably make sure to do a really good job while you're in there. I'd be really worried that a doctor who automatically limits thir patients to 4 is not taking decent care each time to prolong the health of the mom and her uterus.

[Tiffanoodle]

*shudder* There is no way anyone could pay me enough to go to a doctor like #2. I have switched from quite a few OB's because I know how much trust there has to be in a CP during pregnancy. With #2, I had to drive over 45 minutes to get to the hospital. I was having a VBAC, so I had to go early. And because of false labor, I went often. I would never have even attempted to go anywhere else, though. I was comfortable with my doctor and loved the hospital.

Go with your gut. No matter how many children you decide to have, you want each pregnancy and birth experience to be special. Not a source of stress and struggle with a doctor that doesn't share your beliefs.

[Cuddlebaby]

find a 3rd choice. ugggh...

[juleslane]

Thanks for all the replies and advcie. I feel so much better about my choice to just stick with doc 1, and make the drive. It won't be so bad. I was more worried about dh, the week of delivery, taking care of the girls and running back and forth, but he is ok with it.

Plus, we just worked out an arrangement where dh and the girls will stay with my mom the week of the birth! She lives only 9 miles from the hospital I will go to(same one as dd's) so dh can commute easier. I feel better....thanks mamas!!!!