Balancing Interests, Finances, and Making Decisions when a Partner is in School

[Marpepp]

I'm sure this is a common thread, but I am new here so I'll post anyway. I apologize for its length.

My husband is in grad school full time with a part time job and I am recently graduated with a fellowship. We got pregnant on our honeymoon on accident. We are thrilled with our new arrival, but were not financially prepared for it. In fact, we're actually really scared as far as finances go.

How did you balance things out and make decisions when you got pregnant if you were in school? We live in D.C. where childcare is CONSISTENTLY $1200-1400 per month for infant care and we don't qualify for assistance - there have been no other options so far. I make about $45K and my husband has a part time job (while in school full time) that pays about $22K. The nature of D.C. is that we have about $2200 a month in living expenses and bills. We watch our expenses quite well but do buy organic food. As it stands, we see no options to afford full time care unless my husband either quits school to get a better job or we take out additional loans. Lots of additional loans. We can't afford for him to quit and take care of the baby either.

Next year is probably his last year and he will break $100K in loans even without thinking about additional loans for the baby. We are very frightened of affording his loan repayment along with child care expenses in the future. I really don't want him to quit school because (1) I think it's an investment in the future and (2) he will live a happier and more fulfilled life if he achieves his perceived potential in terms of what he wants to do with his life. I think that is really important. Then again, we were not anticipating a child.

Did anyone in school or with a partner in school go through this issue? How did you decide what to do in terms of finances? More loans with fears of higher payments later or less loans and quitting school for a few years?

Thank you for your thoughts and I really look forward to your advice!

[Alyantavid]

My dh is in school and works part time while I work part time. We have 2 kids, one in elementary and one in daycare/preschool. But we live in a much lower cost of living area.

Can your dh (and/or you) switch your schedules to where one of you is home, at least most of the time with the baby? Do you have any friends/family that might be willing to help out?

I know that it's harder to go back to school once you've quit. Which is why dh is now back at 31 and I'm headed back at around the same age. We got pregnant unexpectedly with our first and I quit school. I'm finally getting to the point where I can actually see myself going back now that my kids are older.

I'd try everything you can think of so that your dh can finish school.

[Carita]

I would suck it up and take out the extra loan until your DH is done with school. I have a friend who is relying on her DH to do at least PT care while in school and it has slowed his progress towrds graduation dramatically. From personal experience, having DS in DC only PT barely allowed me to do bare minimal and in my field that meant my dissertation wasn't getting done. That delayed my graduation. From a mama point of view I am happy I spent the time home, but from a graduation point of view it tacked on another year to my finish date. You don't want that to happen to your DH. You are right. It would devestate him to come so close and yet be so far.

Do your best to cut budget now and save up every scrap cent from now until when the baby is born, then take the extra loan money to cover FT daycare. Consider moving to a cheaper apartment, asking friends who have kids if they would be willing to babysit another, giving up completely orgnaic eating and going 50/50, etc. If you could cut enough to find an extra $600/mo now, then 2 months of childcare paid for before your baby is even here! You may also want to consider cutting back on retirement and other savings contributions to find the extra cash. Also some companies offer flexible spending accounts that can be used for childcare, so you can pay for childcare expenses pre-tax.

[Marpepp]

Thank you so much for your responses. Alyantavid, unfortunately, I am not in a very family-friendly place so flexible schedules are not possible. My husband is going to try his very best to make it happen - we have to see about class schedules etc. - but I know that is a goal. And in terms of community support - we are far away because of his school and my job. It shows you truly how important it is to have family around!! All of our friends here work full time, we are pretty young for parents around here (28 is not young everywhere) so really, we're the first with kids! This is a challenge and a fun opportunity, but it does mean less community support.

Carita I definitely don't think there is ANY way to save $600 a month!!! We are very budget conscious and live in a basement studio apartment. We are considering moving further out into the suburbs, where we could feasibly get a larger apartment for a couple hundred less a month, but then we'd need a car which would probably just even out expenses. It's hard to say what is better.

I am glad that you both felt that DH should stay in school. I really agree. We are afraid of the payments later, but it's good to see you think it's worth it. I really agree, but sometimes when you are wrapped up in a problem, it can be super hard to see the big picture. This helps me remember that school should be our priority and have faith that we will work it out.

[Carita]

you may want to see if you qualify for childcare assistance or WIC - both in my state are bout the same income thresholds and not not as low as poverty level like food stamps, etc.

[readytobedone]

what is his field, and what does he plan to do when he's finished? that would definitely influence my decision about loans. i have made it a point to incur no loans in grad school, partly because in my field, it simply isn't worth repaying a lot of loans--the job prospects are not great for humanities PhDs

i have been lucky that i didn't really need loans, though. my luck might be running out, but that's a whole 'nother thread...

[pinksprklybarefoot]

My first thought was about the nature of his studies as well. If the degree will not pay off financially, is it worth it?

But, OTOH, I know how hard it is to get back to undergrad studies after an absence - I can only assume that it is markedly more difficult to get back to grad school. It seems like the type of thing that would really set you back and undo a lot of hard work. But that is just a guess.

$100K is a lot in loans. I'll have that when I'm done - probably more. But I'll be making about that per year, so I am not worried about paying that off. If I was in school for the love of a subject and would graduate making $30,000/year, I would be leery of taking out so much in loans. But (again), if you are already in that deep, maybe you should just do whatever it is that he needs to do to finish and call it a day. What is another $10,000 when you already owe $100,000 and it would get the degree done?

Tough decision you have. But congrats on your LO on the way!

[Marpepp]

Hi All,

Yes, that is really our concern. He is in Seminary to become a Unitarian minister, which will not pay off, but will fulfill his calling. I also understand because I am a nonprofit attorney, so I make nothing, but I went to a school that pays all my loans when I do nonprofit work so it wasn't as much of a big deal. I really don't know what the job market is like for him and neither does he. It's hard to say if there's a good match or how it will work, but I think that is most fields these days. Either way, there's no $100K pay out. But OTOH, he has a BA in religion. How many jobs is that going to get him?

I kind of lean on the "What is another $10,000 when you already owe $100,000" that you mentioned, but my husband and DEFINITELY my MIL do NOT share those thoughts and there has been much wailing and gnashing of teeth about it.

Oh, and Carita - been there - we are about $5K over the qualifying limit pretax. It's a terrible system because if you're barely over it, you really suffer. I almost wonder if I would do better to drop my salary for purposes of the benefits.

[Bluebird9]

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Edited by Bluebird9 - 11/27/11 at 10:10am