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You know you are a mom when...

post #1 of 105
Thread Starter 
You no longer like music. At all. Ever, because every moment of total silence is precious.

You FINALLY got your child to sleep after two hours and suddenly become (rather painfully) aware that except for that half cup of yogurt your child wouldn't finish, you haven't had anything to eat since breakfast yesterday.

Everyone asks you why you've gone "goth." The reason? You no longer own a shirt without a stain on it, so you gave in and started buying everything in black.

You say "I have to pee-pee" or "poo-poo" when in adult conversation.

You would pay any amount of money for any product that will buy you silence on the car ride home.

You hold it in anytime you have to use the bathroom while your child is taking a nap because you are mortally afraid that hearing the toilet flush might wake them.

Total strangers who have never had children suddenly think they know everything and you don't.

You pause when someone asks you your name because you *almost* said "Mommy."

You catch yourself humming the tunes to children's songs when you are alone.

You no longer need to get your hair cut.
Because you never take it out of a bun.
Because you only have time to wash it once a week

You cut all your meat into little tiny pieces and then put the knife away BEFORE you sit down to dinner.

You don't own a pair of sunglasses that don't look like they've been dragged across the pavement.

None of your CDs or DVDs play anymore.

None of your friends or family are allowed to watch the news anymore while you are over because you'll start crying again.

In your home "waking up the baby" is the eighth deadly sin.

Any more?
post #2 of 105
You've exchanged all your pretty, breakable knick-knacks for either toys or stuff that is child-friendly (unbreakable) (especially the holiday decorations). Because you want to relax at home, not stress out over what Junior is playing with.
post #3 of 105
Subbing.... this promises to be good.
post #4 of 105
An exciting night is when the baby goes to sleep at 8 instead of 10, wahoo!

You actually DO go to the bathroom, you just don't flush in fear of waking up the baby.

You ask the cat if they need to *go potty* when they try and sneak in the bathroom with you.

A shower is low on the priority list at times.

Cleaning pee off the floor is actually fine because it could've been worse.
post #5 of 105
You drink water with floaties in it because your toddler just HAS to have some of yours.
post #6 of 105
Thread Starter 
You constantly have to apologize to the neighbors for having to hear you yell things like "please stop sodomizing the dog," and "get out of Mommy's crotch when she is trying to pee-pee on the potty!"

post #7 of 105
Thread Starter 
You haven't actually seen a movie all the way through in one sitting since your child was born.
post #8 of 105
Letting the child stand in the picture window naked is a good thing because it buys you a few minutes of peace.

There's nothing better smelling in the world than the top of your childs head fresh from a bath. Sweet!

You think about throwing a tantrum sometime. Hey its a stress reliever!
post #9 of 105
You don't even think twice when your toddler answers the door naked.

You find yourself randomly dancing in public.

You can't make it through a shower without singing Old MacDonald....and sometimes the thought of this is so horrible that you skip the shower.

You get invited to a fancy occasion and realize you have absolutely nothing appropriate to wear.

You can't watch a movie without subtitles on because, after so many times doing it that way (so you can turn down the volume), you can't understand what any of the actors are saying.

You can't understand why the rest of the world isn't ready to do something at 9 AM on a Saturday (seriously, get out of bed people!).
post #10 of 105
You want to scream at people who call the house phone after 8pm.

You dance to the music they play at Target. And sing. Loudly.
post #11 of 105
When you catch yourself in a quiet moment of contemplation at the supermarket, humming the theme tune to 'Little Bear'.
post #12 of 105
When standing in line (without a child), you still do the "mommy rock" side to side.

When you and your husband are going somewhere without the kids, it's 20 minutes before you realize it's a children's CD that's been playing-and you've both been singing along the whole time.
post #13 of 105
you eat baby poop by mistake. and then think to yourself, oh this doesnt taste so bad.
post #14 of 105
You get excited when it's garbage day because it means the toddler will stand in the window and watch the truck for at LEAST 15 uninterrupted minutes.

You go into a store one day without the newly potty trained toddler and STILL out of habit the first thing you ask the store employee is, "do you have a potty, just in case?"

Someone cuts you in line in the store and ticks you off, and you go, "fudge feet!" really loudly.
post #15 of 105
When you're at a friend's house and there are multiple babies/small children around and SOMEONE pooped...And you can confidently say it was not your child because you know what their poop smells like....And you are correct. LOL....This happened about 2 hours ago.

Or when you're sitting at your desk at work and tell the person who sits next to you that you want to go home and "Go night-nights."
post #16 of 105
When you don't care if you leave the house with pee on your shirt because if you change halfway through the day that's just more laundry to add to the pile.

When you're in the car alone and still say. . . "school bus!", "trash truck!", "police car!"

When you're out with your sister and you tell her, "mommy needs to go potty".

When you're out with your friends who are childless and think how exciting they used to be and how you'd just rather be at home with your dc - coloring and listening to Raffi in your sweatpants.
post #17 of 105
You actually go grocery shopping alone, and realize you've been talking to an empty shopping cart all the way through the store.

Originally Posted by thefreckledmama View Post
When standing in line (without a child), you still do the "mommy rock" side to side.
I didn't stop doing that until ds1 was 8 or 9, and now I'm doing it again. I figure I might quit before I have grandchildren...or not...
post #18 of 105
The thought of sleeping in until 8 am sounds heavenly!

You spend way more money on kids clothes than your own.

Going grocery shopping by yourself sounds like the greatest thing ever.
post #19 of 105
when you can have a conversation about poop with someone and not get embarassed.

When its become the norm to have your boobs exposed

When you sing songs about putting on clothes, washing your hands, and poopy diapers

When it takes you months to finish reading a single book because by the time you are able to sit down and actually read, you are exhausted and fall asleep after 3 sentences.

when the word "mommy" is music to your ears

for WOHMs: When the sweetest part of your day is when you pick them up from daycare and they are so to see you
post #20 of 105
When you're a guest at someone else's home and you forget for a moment that you really should close the bathroom door.

When a friend sneezes and you're quicker to give her a tissue than she is to retrieve her own.

When too much precious silence for too long causes panic.....'cuz something, someone, somewhere isn't right.
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