homebirth: involving your other children?

[fiikske]

Hi,

Currently I'm 38 weeks pregnant, so the baby can be hear any time soon. If things go well, and I wouldn't know why not, this will be my second home birth. Now, my eldest girls are 6 and 4, and somehow, I have the feeling I would like to involve them into the labour/birth moments. My girl of 4, she will probably not even be interested, and go away and play, but my eldest would be.

Are there moms here whose children have witnessed a homebirth? How have you prepared your children to it?

I've been looking for some homebirth videos that I might show to them, and some of them seem quite fine as a starting point for discussions, but I would like to hear some experienced moms here...

Kr,
Fiikske

[mumofboyz]

First, Congrats on your pending HB!

My first two children are considerably older (they were 11 and 12 at the time of our LO's birth), so take this with a grain of salt.

DH and I had frank, open discussions with DS#1 and DS#2 about our intentions to have a HB and what that meant to them and how it would/could affect their lives. We talked about how it would be different than a hospital birth and how they would have the opportunity, if they chose, to witness or even be a part of the birthing process. We made it very clear that they were not obligated in any way to take part. I had made arrangements with my mother to come (she lives an hour away) and either support them while they were here or take them somewhere else if they preferred not to be here. I also made it very clear with the boys that they could change their mind at any point about their level of involvement. Just because they said that they wanted to be there 3 weeks before hand did not mean they couldn't change their mind and go for a bike ride instead.

We took them to our Museum of Science and watched birthing videos together, including a water birth (which we ended up doing at home). The videos were quite graphic and didn't downplay any part of the strain of labor or the joy of the birth itself. When our MW came to our house for her visit at 37 weeks, both boys were a part of that meeting. I encouraged questions and helped the MW talk to them about what their role could be, if they chose to be involved. She was warm and welcoming, which set their minds to ease.

Initially, long before the birth, DS#1 declared that he would in no way be there for the birth. DS#2 wanted to be there. When the time came ... both boys couldn't pull themselves away. Go figure! They weren't in the room with me throughout the labor ~ that was boring to them, but they were always within earshot just to make sure they didn't miss anything. When transition came and baby was ready to come, DH called them in. They witnessed the birth and thought it was totally awesome.

I did kick them out when I needed to transition from the tub and birth the placenta. I had a bit of a hemorrhage issue and had to lay still on the floor for an hour or so but the boys came in and hung out with us as I rested. DS#2 cut the cord and loves that he had that special task.

I think HBing is a great way to include family, if they and you want them to be. For my boys, with the exception of their future wives giving birth, I can't imagine when they will have this opportunity again. GL, Mama!

[fiikske]

Hi Kat,

thanks for your reply... yes, your kids are older, but actually, that is kind of the same thing that I am doing now with my kids... just talking about it, and whenever possible, they have been with me when I went to the midwife and/or gynaecologist. My oldest daughter is the one with questions, perhaps I should suggest that she asked some of her questions to the widwife too...

Many thanks already for the inspiration!
Fiikske

[greenthumb3]

Hi, I just noticed in your signature that you are due this month. Have you visited the DDC here on MDC (due date club) for your month yet? We are due the same month

Best wishes on your baby's upcoming birth! I have invited our children to join us, as well--my kids are close in age to yours. They have watched videos of their owns births and of other babies' births, we have a few books I have read with them, they have been to my midwife appt.s with me often and I talk to them a bit about what it might be like.

I have thought of little "jobs" for them to do, if they choose, like my 4 year old can hold the hand mirror when baby crowns and biggest bro can take pictures of whatever he wants (he is still not sure he wants to be there, but I wonder what he'll feel like when everyone else is there).

We also have a cake mix to make up as a family during early labor so we can eat a family birthday cake with our baby when she is born and sing , though if I am laboring and not able to participate, I have invited a sister of mine to attend and help with the kids so my DH can be my support. HTH

ETA: The oldest two were at their third brother's birth when they were 4 and 2. They were very hyper and it was the middle of the day (I was so glad to have a helper there for them!), but they have calmed down a bit as they've grown and we've talked about "good birth manners" (no yelling or jumping on the bed), so we'll see what happens!

[Belle]

My oldest had just turned three when her sister was born. She was very excited about the birth. We had her watch several videos ahead of time. We explained that mommy would be working very hard and might make a lot of noise. The prodromal labor helped prepare her for this ahead of time too.

We told her the things that she could do to help mommy. That she would need to be very quiet, she could bring mommy snacks and drinks of water and juice. She got to cut the cord. In retrospect we could have had her announce the baby's gender too. We also had grandma on hand as her support person in case things got too intense for her.

[fiikske]

Hi Greenthumb,

oh yes, I've been looking into the DDC for november too... I thought I had added myself to the list there already.. I have to check.

The thing is, when my second baby was born, I kicked my eldest out of the house ;-) She was 2 at that time, and that day she must have felt it all coming, as she was sooo nervous about everything... I couldn't bare it any longer, and as said, put her outside (we lived next to my mother in law, so no worries, she was being taken care of ;-))... so I think, my fear is that my girls might be prepared to be witness the birth of their little brother, but I'm not so sure I am prepared enough to have them as a witness... although I would really like them to be part of it all... such double feelings...

But indeed, having a list of things that they could do would be very good already...
Fiikske

[JennTheMomma]

My son will be almost 3 when this one is born and we're including him in our homebirth. I have some books I've been reading to him, and I watch The Business of Being Born with him and show him pictures of birth. I tell him things like "sometimes mommies make noises like this to help bring the baby out. Sometimes mommies move a lot, or they may cry, which also helps bring the baby out." And then he likes to say the noises too. When DH rubs me when I'm having some BHs DS likes to help rub too. I think it will be a great experience, but we are prepared in case he gets scared or just doesn't want to be there.

[fiikske]

update: birth of Misha

Hi there,

just to let you know how it all turned out to be...
Yesterday, my eldest was going for a sleepover to a friend of hers, and I was taking my youngest girl with me to visit my parents. During the travel by train, I started feeling that very recognisable pain, and after I arrived at my parents, I gently asked them to bring us back home ;-) Hardly back, our son was born.

So my thoughts of including the children during the birth turned totally different: dd1 was not home, and dd2 was sleeping ;-)

Hugs,
Fiikske

[wbg]

congrats on the safe arrival of your little boy! Beautiful name....

[racheleuphoria]

Congratulations!

[greenthumb3]

Originally Posted by fiikske

Hi there,

just to let you know how it all turned out to be...
Yesterday, my eldest was going for a sleepover to a friend of hers, and I was taking my youngest girl with me to visit my parents. During the travel by train, I started feeling that very recognisable pain, and after I arrived at my parents, I gently asked them to bring us back home ;-) Hardly back, our son was born.

So my thoughts of including the children during the birth turned totally different: dd1 was not home, and dd2 was sleeping ;-)

Hugs,
Fiikske

Congrats on the birth of your baby
Glad everything worked out for your family!

[terrabella]

♥

[josie423]

With my dd ds was present at the birth and throughout the labor (he was 14 months old). He was clueless and my noises didn't bother him. For the actual pushing he went in his playpen maybe 6 feet from me and came out immediately after birth. I'm so glad he was there - he was entertaining to us all. And I remember feeding him mac and cheese during contractions. I plan on having him and dd at this birth. (They'll be 29 months and 15 months.)

[beebalmmama]

Congratulations on your baby!! I'm glad it worked out well!

I'm trying to get ds (4) ready here too. We've watched a few videos, Birth Day and the Russian water birth one(can't remember the name). They were very good for him because children were involved in the births on the video. I think it helped him to know that birth is a place where children/siblings can be and be a part of.

We've also now watch Business of Being Born and Gentle Birth Choices, although he got a little bored because there is a lot more commentary.

He also really enjoyed the book, Welcome With Love. We are planning on my best friend to be here, who is like an auntie to him, to stay with him and occupy him if he changes his mind or gets nervous.

I've also talked to him about how it might hurt for me and I'll make lots of strange noises.

[ExuberantDaffodil]

OP - I am glad everything worked out!!

I had spent a lot of time preparing my 5 year old son for our homebirth. We watched videos, read books, talked about it a lot. I let him know that he was more than welcome to be a part of the experience, but if he felt overwhelmed at any time, he could go to his room or ask that someone come and pick him up. As it turned out, I had my baby at 4 in the morning, and he slept through the whole thing, which in retrospect was probably a very good thing, considering things got a bit intense during transition, and knowing my son I think it would have been a bit much for him to see me like that. As it was, we had a little surprise waiting on him when he woke up in the morning , and we all got snuggle time as a family, as everything was all cleaned up by then.