Freaked out about upcoming birth :(

[WindyCityMom]

I'm beginning to worry about this, and I know only the birth itself will tell me.

My labor and birth with DD1 went something like this:
We arrived at 8am for my induction. They were full, so we waited until 8pm, which is when I got the pitocin. They did a foley cathater to help me dialate (I went in at 1cm). That got me to like.. 3 or 4. Pitocin did the rest. It was very painful, but I was able to breathe through the contractions and relax myself. I had horrible back labor (just found out from DH that she was posterior). DH was sleeping.. we were 17 years old at the time, he was working and going to school. I let him sleep because I was doing alright. I was nearing transition, and the nurse tricked me into getting an epidural, convincint me, very vulnerable at the time, that the pain would be too much. I really wish I hadn't gotten that epi! It hurt worse than my labor. Anyhow, I started having reactions to the epi, it didn't help the back labor, and I told them that because they asked (i didn't mind much), and without asking me pumped lidocaine into there- so I was totally numb. They also gave me narcotics (not for pain) because I was having weird reactions to it. So.. I couldn't feel anything. I was complete, 10cm. They told me to try pushing and I couldn't, and said I wouldn't until I could, so they left me there. My step mother was there at the time, and I told her I felt pressure. Didn't hurt, but it was the urge to push. It felt like DD was coming out of my butt . So they came in and her head was sticking out. I pushed like 3 times and she was out, sunny side up.

So, thank you if you managed to get thru that.

I'm starting to worry alot about this upcoming birth. I didn't add in there the other details of my birth, but there were many things about it that have led me to UC. Anyhow, this isn't totally UC related so I'm posting it here. I'm very fearful that it will be too much for me.

DH has told me that I will be fine- less stress because I'm in my own home and more in tune with my body- no interventions, No pitocin (which makes contractions hell, I've heard.. though mine were manageable), and I was able to deal with back labor before so I should be able to now. He is being pretty supportive of my choices, and I know he is there for me.

Could someone please console me, or give me a reality check? My due date is around Christmas.. and time is ticking. I'm just very freaked out.

[fwlady]

By what you wrote out, I do think that if you could get through all that without asking the epi yourself, then I think you will do great at home. Natural labor is so much different, and will go much smoother than any induction I can think of.

You didn't mention fears of complications themselves. That is usually the biggest freak out that ladies have. But, it sounds like you and the baby went well last birth, so this one should go the same. You have a supportive Dh and that makes a HUGE difference.

You can do this!! Kymberli

[WindyCityMom]

Thank you so much

I do fear complications, but I'm also under that no-interventionist mindset that tells me that the fewer interventions there are, the less complications there will be. DDs birth was intervention full. I didn't have any PPH per-se, but I did have some very heavy bleeding because they put traction on the cord. Every single complication I had was intervention related. I had a spinal headache from the epidural I was scared into. I couldn't breastfeed because of whatever narcotics they gave me (they later told me this. very upsetting.) I had tachycardia from the epidural (one reason for narcotics given). I tore pretty bad because the doctor seemed to want to yank her out of me (she'd have been out in more pushes, not the 3 that she was. I was screamed at to count.. it wasn't fun.). The doctor stitched me up too tight, so I had to massage my scar tissue like crazy for 6mos pp until sex started to feel alright. Still painful though.

I'm kind of here and there... my birth experience sucked, but it has driven me to do much better. I have total faith in my body to perform, don't get me wrong. I'm just worried that my will power will somehow run out. We're oopsing this to our family & midwives. My MIL lives upstairs from us. My GMIL lives upstairs from her. DHs cousin lives upstairs from them. I'm worried that my birth might be hindered because I feel like I'm being watched by them, hiding from them, etc... I'm worried that I won't be able to focus and relax the pain away. I am ready in every aspect except for getting over this fear of "what if I can't do it". I'm not just speaking in terms of our UC.. I'm speaking in general.. an unmedicated birth with no (or low, if theres a transfer) interventions. Be it at home unassisted, with a midwive, at the hosp birthing center with a midwife, or in the hospital with OBs. Sorry if this turned into a ramble.

This hasn't all hit me until this week- really. I think it's partially hormones. I do however think that if I were to go into labor, my mind would be so set on doing this THIS way and no other way, that my fears would diminsh as quickly and suddenly as they appeared.

[etsdtm99]

i feel you on the close by watchful family... my mom lives on our street.. there is no way i could hide labor from her .. well, unless it all happened in the middle of the night.. hmm

either way - i know how bad pit contractions are and if you could handle that - you can handle anything!

[DocsNemesis]

I agree, pit contractions suck!

I dunno if it helps, but my first was similar to yours. I went 42 weeks, induced (from 0, not effaced at all, etc) with cytotec and then pit over the course of two days. Hadn't eaten in 2 days. They broke my water, which had meconium ( I still wonder if the meconium was due to his being late or my not eating or something...I know starving for 2 days was stressing me out!), so they put in an amnioinfusion which kept me strapped to the bed, on my back. I too had terrible back labor and the contractions quickly overpowered me, so in my case, I asked for the epidural-which worked for 15 minutes and stopped completely. It completely killed any control I had and I sat there screaming with a non-stop 3 hour long contraction. It was hell.

Then during pushing, baby's heart stopped for about 7 seconds. Then it went back to normal. Oh and their counted pushing was horrid for me as well. Anyway, they did a big episiotomy, got him out, whisked him off to the nursery and then sent him to another hospital to a NICU for shaking. (Which probably had nothing to do with all of this, he had an immature nervous system but nothing was dangerously wrong with him-they just didn't know WHAT was wrong)

My next one ended up being a hospital induction again but was much easier, since I had a CNM and did a lot of things against hospital policy (I was induced for mild pre-e). Even though I didn't have baby by myself, I did it without pain meds, with pit, and was already 4cm's dilated when I got there-at 39 weeks, 4 days. It renewed my faith in my body.

Anyway, my next 2 were totally natural. The labors were amazingly different. With one, I didn't even know I was IN labor, 9 cm's, still walking and talking and laughing. When I finally had real labor pains, it didn't last long and I was ready to push in 3 contractions. She was out in 15 minutes. The other one I had prom, which resulted in a very fast intense labor. However, it was still much easier than the pit labor. The pain was there, definitely, but unlike the pit labors I'd had, I was able to really feel them progress. With pit, they seemed to start out painful and continue getting worse, quickly. Natural labor was much more progressive, gave me time to integrate the new level of pain, and until transition and having to not push since the midwives weren't there yet and my ex was freaking out on me, the pain was easy to deal with. It still hurt, yes, but nothing like the pit labors.

I guess as far as your fears that they find out...you can either try to make it through without much noise (I could NEVER do that...I'm noisy!), you can tell them now that you ARE doing this and they can deal with it, or, if they find out during labor, be prepared to tell them. I'd be afraid of them finding out in the middle of labor and then convincing you to go to the hospital when you're at your most vulnerable. Will your Dh back you up with his family? I guess that'd be the big thing...talk to him, see what he wants to do, and make sure he's prepared to tell them no, we're staying here, if it comes down to it.

GL mama!

[WindyCityMom]

Thank you so much

Cari (DocsNemesis)- that is very inspiring. I'm so sorry your first birth was the way it was I'm happy to hear that your natural births were much easier, and I can totally understand why.

My DH will back me up. Personally, I'd even be able to hide labor from him for awhile, and he's in the same house! I wouldn't do that, of course, but he's totally used to me rolling around on my birthing ball, taking long baths, showers, etc. I'm sure that when I do begin to go into labor (unless I'm 0 to 10 in 15 minutes ) he wouldn't notice a thing different unless I tell him. Our family pretty much leaves us alone. A big bonus to having them here though, is to send DD upstairs if she gets in one of her moods, becomes a handful, or becomes fearful or scared.

Like I said, my MIL thinks I'm going to the hospital, and we're oopsing this. The walls are not paper thin which is excellent We're planning on waiting awhile after we have the baby anyways, get everything cleaned up, back to normal, spend some time with baby, and then tell her and the rest of the family.

[lunita1]

If you birthed your first sunnyside up, in bed with pitocin, this one is going to be a piece of cake. You can do it!

My first was uncomplicated, well positioned and I had an 11 hour labor, approx. 20 minute pushing stage.

My second was posterior, born sunny side up. I had a much more painful 13 hour labor with horrible back pain and I pushed for about an hour (maybe a tad less).

My third was well positioned. I had a two hour labor and pushed her out in two easy pushes. She was more than a pound bigger than the other two, but after pushing that posterior baby out, it was so so much easier. Other people can (and have) attest to the fact that pit-induced labor is ALSO much more difficult than going into labor naturally. Combine those two factors, and I think it is amazing that your baby was born vaginally and without even further complications.

Best wishes for a peaceful, healing birth.

[WindyCityMom]

Thank you I've always heard that Pit Labors are horrible, and much more painful. I'm glad to know this is the case for most people, hopefully this will happen in my case as well

[mamatolevi]

You can do this! It's a totally different environment, different CPs (just you and DH, apparently) and you are educated about birth this time around. you'll have so much more freedom to do what you need to do to have your baby and you're not going to be ordered to do or manipulated into doing things you don't want or need.

You can do this!!!

[notjustmamie]

I had pit and back labor unmedicated. It hurts like [insert expletives here]. I haven't (yet) had my unmedicated/non-augmented labor, but from all the discussions I've had with experienced mamas, Pitocin-induced contractions are comparable to natural transition contractions. Only transition generally lasts about 30 minutes, not your whole labor!

You can do this!!

[WindyCityMom]

mamatolevi & notjustmamie, thank you both

That is really reassuring about pit ctx being like transition ctx! That is crazy!