Interrupting when I'm on the phone

[aprildawn]

I have a 7 and a 4 yr old. They play great together most of the time, and they entertain themselves really well, too. There's just one problem...

I work from home. I get up super early (before they're up) to work most of the time. However, occasionally I need to be on the phone. Maybe 1x or 2x week for 30 mins at a time. I don't feel like that's excessive. The money I make working is paying for her school. She's goes to a private school where she attends class 2 days/wk and we do assignments at home the other days.

I feel like my kids are old enough to know to not bug me when I'm on the phone. Esp the 7 yr old. She does get a lot of my attention via schoolwork together and reading at night together, and daily activities, etc. Sometimes I'm busy working, but I try to do that when she and her sister and playing or maybe watching TV for awhile. I have worked hard to not let my job get in the way of my family life....however...

Over and over, every time I'm on the phone, she suddenly *has* to talk to me. If it's a call for work it's sooo unprofessional for me to stop the conversation and chat with her. She knows better. Today it was because she was hungry. I told her I was going to work out and make lunch. As I'm about ready to work out the phone rings. I'm on the phone for 10 mins and she comes down whining that she's hungry. I mime for her to be quiet and let me talk. She asks to watch TV. I shake my head no. She takes the remote control and starts to turn on the TV. I tell her no again. (silently, of course). She runs upstairs angry at me and scrapes her leg on something. She starts screaming. I have to end my call prematurely.

I have tried my best to anticipate everything that might come up during a phone call. The ones where I know the call is happening (ie. a planned conference call) things go well. But it's the unexpected calls that are a problem.

I've explained that if I can't work she can't go to this school anymore. Having problems like today makes me want to quit working. She loves this school, though. It really is best for her and for our family, except that my working causes conflict like today. I'm weighing what's better for her, and for us. But I'd rather not debate whether or not I should be working. That's something else for me and DH to discuss. also, I do enjoy the work. I feel like this is something she needs to work on. I'm bending over backwards to not let my job get in the way or my time with my kids (like getting up insanely early), but sometimes they just need to let me talk on the phone.

Surely there are some tips to help make the phone thing less of a problem. Ideas?

[moondiapers]

can she write at all? have her write things down on a notepad to ask. she doesn't even have to be able to write well to do this....if she knows the letter sounds she can sound out the words in her own way and you should be able to decipher.

[skueppers]

Sadly, I have no advice about this, just commisseration. My kids (5 and 2 1/2) do the same thing, and it's so frustrating. I've been clear and consistent for years about not talking to me when I'm on the phone unless someone is seriously injured, but it still happens pretty frequently -- and I don't spend much time on the phone! Just the other day, I was arranging something (for my daughter!) on the phone, and she interrupted me three times during a five-minute call.

I have been known to go out on the porch to finish my conversation; at least until recently, the kids were unable to open the front door, though I think my daughter has figured it out now...

[moondiapers]

Originally Posted by skueppers

Sadly, I have no advice about this, just commisseration. My kids (5 and 2 1/2) do the same thing, and it's so frustrating. I've been clear and consistent for years about not talking to me when I'm on the phone unless someone is seriously injured, but it still happens pretty frequently -- and I don't spend much time on the phone! Just the other day, I was arranging something (for my daughter!) on the phone, and she interrupted me three times during a five-minute call.

I have been known to go out on the porch to finish my conversation; at least until recently, the kids were unable to open the front door, though I think my daughter has figured it out now...

my kids are now 9 and 13, I lock myself in another room....they'll ingnore me all day....but as soon as I'm on the phone the world is going to come to an end if they don't get an answer RIGHT NOW

[aprildawn]

Yeah! Unfortunately, this is an problem as old as the in-house phone! My mom says at least I'm not strapped to the wall like she was. True. True.

I go in another room. I go in the backyard. I go in the bathroom. Luckily, I can take my laptop with me if I'm working. Still, she follows me wherever I go. She'll stand outside the door and wail if I lock myself in the bathroom. So, that doesn't work either.

She can write. I'll try suggesting that to her. The oldest has very little impulse control. That's a huge part of the problem, actually. My youngest is actually better about waiting until I'm done talking.

Thanks for the suggestions. It at least feels good to know my misery has company.

[LynnS6]

Create a snack shelf where she can grab a snack any time she's hungry.

Allow TV when you're on the phone.

For various reasons, I was on the phone a LOT last night with my family. We live far away and so these aren't short conversations (and given the time difference, they're hard to do during the week). My kids spent about 90 minutes on the computer :.

[octobermom]

Did you not know. We are all equipted with a neon glowing sign above our heads that reads. Mommy on phone what every you need no matter how trivial requires you are to disrupt mother right NOW! its a magical sign and can be clearly read and understood by all ages 0-16. Children are powerless over this sign....

Deanna

[nd_deadhead]

I agree with Lynn. There's no reason that there can't be one set of "house rules" when Mom's on the phone, and another set for the rest of the day. My kids learned from a very early age that rules were different at Grandma and Grandpa's house, and another set of rules at preschool - this is no different.

So even if you don't normally allow TV between lunch and supper, for example, TV while you are on the phone is OK. Set ground rules about what can be watched (so you don't put yourself in the position of them wanting you to referee the channel selection). Maybe even have a favorite stash of videos that they can ONLY watch while you are on the phone.

We had a sitter who didn't let the kids watch TV at all - except for the very rare occasions when her DH (a part-time professional photographer whjo worked out of their home) was meeting with clients, and the kids needed to be quietly entertained for a short time.

[Sheryl1678]

I don't have any advice but it is comforting to know that it is a universal problem. I pretty much gave up talking to anyone on the phone when my oldest daughter was a baby.

[Drummer's Wife]

It doesn't matter where I go in my home (the balcony, master closet, around the side of the garage near the neighbor's house.... my children have a special mom's-on-the-phone sense and will hunt me down!

sorry, no advice just that you are not alone. My kids can be perfectly content, not needing me for a while but as soon as I decide to go make that important phone call, someone suddenly can't wait for my assistance.

[HollyBearsMom]

When my son ws young I had a special necklace I kept by phone. If the necklace was on I could bot be interupted, period. However he knew he would have my undivided attention for 5 minutes after I hung up.

He I now 8 and all I have tp do is pont to my neck when I am on the phone And he knows not to bother me, no neclace needed!

Ps I M texting via my I phone so forgive All typos and other errors

[D_McG]

I lock myself in a room and then when I'm done we have a serious talk about not being rude.

[Thalia the Muse]

I love the necklace idea!

There is hope -- my DD used to be UNBEARABLE when I was on the phone. Now she's eight, and I can do an occasional phone interview from home, with the speaker on, and she will exageratedly tiptoe around being super quiet until I'm done.

[GuildJenn]

Ah yes, the mysterious phone sense. I tend to think there's some primate signal we accidentally send off while on the phone that makes the young go absolutely insane.

I love the necklace idea. As a former WAHM I also think a headset with a mute button is really helpful, if they are the kind of calls where you are mostly listening in.

[aprildawn]

Thanks for all the suggestions. The necklace idea is good. I need to steal that one and make it work for us.

I think yesterday was a perfect storm of problems. We do have a snack shelf, but I didn't want them eating from it because I wanted them hungry for lunch because if they at a snack, they wouldn't want lunch, and we were heading out for awhile afterwards and I didn't want to have to pack a bunch of snacks in anticipation of them being hungry again. At 7 and 4 I should be able to leave the house for a couple of hours w/o having to pack food, you know? I didn't want them watching TV because I was about to work out, as soon as I got off the phone, and I needed the TV for that. If they get into a show I have to bargain with them about turning it off so I can use the TV. I'd been trying to work out for a couple of hours, but things kept popping up to prevent me. The phone call being the most recent. I was tying my shoes when the phone rang! Since it was work, I felt like I had to answer it.

....stupid, all of it, not worth the battle, but it was just one of those days where I was trying to gain some control over our routine/day and it was slipping away little by little. The unexpected phone call was just the icing on the cake!

They do need to learn to not be rude when I'm on the phone, and yesterday I needed to learn to not freak out when control is slipping away. I've had a difficult month with my mom having some serious health problems. I'm stressed and trying to gain back some sense of routine and order in our days, but it's difficult. Yesterday was more about that than it was about her interrupting.

[InMediasRes]

Oh geez, mine could be completely immersed in a game or something and as soon as he hears me on the phone, he starts screaming "Mommy, don't talk on the PHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!" The only thing that makes him stop is letting HIM talk on the phone.

I remember all sorts of horrible things my sister and I used to concoct while my mom was working from home. She was in her office for hours at a time though.

[pink gal]

I work from home one day a week. On that day I do sometimes have to take calls that can be up to 45 minutes long. I realize it's a long time for my 5 yo to see me but not have my attention.

She knows some sign language and is pretty good at "acting out"or pantomiming her needs. I've started using my bluetooth head set for calls to allow me to have my hands free to do things for her like pour a drink or reach a toy while I'm on a conference call. We do things like make funny faces at each other to connect silently. When she knows I'll attend to her even in a small way while I'm on the phone she is much more willing to wait patiently to talk to me.

If I'm the one placing the call I make sure she knows Ill be on the phone for a while and we pick out a few activities she can do while I'm talking.

[olliepop]

I read somewhere about a Phone Box. It's a box with a special activity that ONLY comes out when you are on the phone. It could be a craft or something fun that they can play with for a few minutes. You can switch it up so what's in it is always a surprise. Maybe they will actually look forward to your phone calls.

[jojoboy]

In my house, especially when these behavior problems occur on a regular basis, we do play acting to demonstrate behavior that ok and that's not ok.

So, at a time when everyone's calm, your daughter pretends to be the one on the phone, and you behave in the appropriate manner - go play by yourself, talk quietly, etc.

Then you pretend to be on a phone call, and your daughter plays, etc. Then the 4 year old gets on the phone, etc. Everyone takes multiple turns pretending.

Seeing me act out the appropriate behavior, and my son acting it out makes more of an impact on my son than just telling him what to do. In the Montessori school, my kid's teacher calls these "Grace and Courtesy" lessons.

Plus, in my house, when I just tell my son what to do, I'm often telling him when he, or I, or both of us are in a heightened emotional state, i.e. right after I get off the phone and my kid is really upset and I'm like, "I've told you that I'm on the phone, and that I need you to wait a minute." Anyway, I don't think kids absorb information as well during these times as when they are calm.

I like the distraction ideas given earlier, but at 7, I think your daughter is developmentally capable of learning how to wait patiently for you to get off the phone. Honestly, I think it's reasonable for a 4 year old as well, although you might get less consistency from the 4 year old.

joanna

[meemee]

yup i have seperate rules about different times. i have hand gestures that say that i cant talk to her now.

however the reason why i am posting is to let you know if there are things going around your mom then your kids are stressed too. my dd had a really hard first few days when her gparents began their process of dying. however once she joined in taking care of them and helping them her stress came down a LOT.