So what special ideas can you share to make the other sibling(s) feel special right after the birth?

[Mama_2_Boy]

My DS will be 5 soon. He's pretty excited about the baby. Mind you, I've aslo noticed a change in his behaviour in the past couple of months. He's become more clingy with me and always wants me attention, which I am happy to give. We have already bought him a special toy for the birth of his sibling. I thought going forward, due to his age he will be quite capable of helping out. I can get him to help with diaper changes and dressing her and that sort of thing...just to try and keep him included. Are there any other thoughts you have on ways to help with keeping him feeling a part of it all? I'm scared about any sort of resentment surfacing in him.
Thanks!

[kathan12904]

I always asked my dd to bring me things for diaper changes, and even taking old diapers to the pail. I'd definitely suggest some age appropriate toys that your older child can play with only when baby is sleeping, that way it will keep him occupied and you will get a moments or two to breathe.

[Kidzaplenty]

The biggest thing I have found to prevent resentment was to allow the siblings hands on with the baby. To allow them to hold or carry (even if you hover). To allow them to touch the baby a LOT and most everywhere (they are curious and like to poke the baby in the nose and mouth and fingers, etc) while I keep careful watch and remind them to keep it gentle. I remind them that Baby can "break" so we have to be careful, but they are allowed to "play" with the baby unless the baby is sleeping.

So many times I have seen parents not let the younger siblings hold or touch the baby for worry about them hurting the baby, this makes the sibling become jealous. But by allowing them to be involved in the actual daily care and play of the baby, it seems to remove that. And I have not had any jealousy porblems with my children and the new babies (although I still end up with "sibling rivalry" when they are older, but that is not the same thing).

I have people freak out when they see my four and five year olds (sometimes even my two and three year olds) holding my newborns and they try and take the baby from them to "save" the baby. I just tell them it is OK. I do start them out slowly by letting them hold aby while I hold them both, but we quickly move on. And I have to have them back off at times (like I will let them touch and handle Baby for a short time and them tell them Baby wants to be left alone now). But, it does work. And the "newness" wears off soon enough and they will be less "hands on".

[wombatclay]

Hmmmm... well, each babe brought "nursing gifts" for the older sib(s). So dd2 brought dd1 a folding doll house with a little doll family (including baby and big sister doll) and the complete first season of the Muppets. Then DS brought his two big sisters a few Cirque du Soliel dvds and art supplies. Basically small gifts that could be brought out only when mama was busy with the new baby.

We also go with a "hands on" policy, but a bit more reserved than pp. The older sibs can hold the babe while sitting on the couch/floor with dh or I right there. They are encouraged to engage the babe with "no touch" things like rattles or finger puppet shows... we explain that babies can focus best about a foot away so that is the best place to "make faces" at the babe. But our kiddos are 4yo, 2yo, and 3mo... I think I'd be comfortable with an older child having more unsupervised "hands on" time, but my kiddos are pretty "rough and tumble" lovers so I think the babe would get smooshed pretty quickly!

I did get the girls cloth dipes for their dolls and some "baby" things but they really didn't have much interest. So I have them assist in actual baby care. They get the clean diaper and put the dirty diaper in the wash. They hold the wipes. They sing to the baby while I nurse him. And for those first few weeks there is the nursing basket of new toys/dvds/crafts to keep them occupied and happy until the pp sleep deprivation wears off!

Happy birthing and good luck introducing your new babe to your bigger little!

[Girlprof]

Our DS (just turned 4) was present at the birth and that made a big difference, I think. Though he was pretty ready to adore his sister. We always took the stance that she is *our* baby - meaning all of ours, not just mom and dad's. When she was little, we encouraged lots of supervised holding. We did the gift thing at the hospital but I don't think that made much difference. It's pretty clear that a baby is a bigger deal than a toy.

We had no real luck with DS "helping". That's just not his personality. We did stress how much the baby was going to love him and look up to him. I also tried to make sure to have some one-on-one time with DS after DD arrived.

We've had very little resentment. I suppose that could still happen, but DD is almost two now. Other things we did is try not to tell him he couldn't do stuff because of the baby. So not, don't make noise because the baby is asleep, but don't make noise because mama has a headache. Fibbing here is ok, IMHO.

But for us, I think lots of early contact is what made the biggest difference. Well, that and dumb luck.

[elanorh]

I think having the older sibling be the one who 'introduces' the people to the new baby gives a lot more ownership for him/her. If you can have a few of the adults who will be meeting the baby ask your son if he can introduce them to the baby, that would work. Or, you could just take the initiative and ask him to introduce the baby to (Grandma, mailman, whoever is meeting babe for the first time).

We talked about new babies and what they were like a lot before dd2 was born (dd1 was three). Read books about it, etc.

Once dd2 arrived, we realized that it was really important for her, to have me continue doing bedtime with her (not dh, which is what we'd hoped). And, the first few months, she needed more attention from me, so we ended up having me take a half-hour walk with her every afternoon right after nursing SJ. Otherwise, she would act out and be disruptive.

They get along pretty well now. There are territorial issues and sharing issues which I think in the end are normal for kids and part of figuring out how to get along in the larger world as well.

ETA - also, we had a bag of stickers that I'd wrapped and had handy for when company came and had gifts for the baby but no 'big sibling' gift for Ina. I do think kids keep tabs of that ... if your ds is old enough to be OK with it, fine, but for Ina, as long as she got something too she was OK, even if it was just a package of stickers (which she loved at the time). Now, at 6 and 3, they both understand that sometimes one gets a gift but not the other. But during that upheaval and that young, I thought I'd rather err on that side with dd1.

[JamieCatheryn]

It was great to introduce DS1 to the idea he's the big brother, and that means he can teach DS2 things and watch out for his safety. The morning after DS2's birth DS1 climbed into the bed and observed he had little ears, little hands, he would teach him to talk, to talk, and to pee (lol). He did have a lot of trouble with whining and complaining for 2 weeks while we adjusted and I recovered, once things were back to a new normal he got better. Been a great brother the whole time though, hugs his little bro, gives him toys, wipes up his spit up, goes to amazing lengths to make him laugh and keep laughing.