My 1 year old should have taken a morning nap today (but wouldn't) and when it came time for the noon nap, refused that, too. It took me over an hour to get him to sleep, and the last 35 minutes were not all pretty. After letting him cry/whimper on and off for TWENTY MINUTES! while I read to my 3 year old and got him ready for his nap, I not only yelled at him to LAY DOWN and GO TO SLEEP FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! but I unhooked his little hands from the railing and let him fall backwards to the mattress. I then also went in and yelled at my 3 year old who was crying and claiming I hadn't nursed him enough. He then had begun banging a hard wooden ball against his bedframe as loudly as he could and saying BAM each time.
No need to critique whether or not they needed naps-- given the amount of sleep we've all be getting around here, I have absolutely no doubt that they were tired. Overtired.
It's just been one of "those" bad mama days where the choice was to let the 1 year old cry alone in his crib for longer or parent him to sleep... and I had no parent patience left in me. The longest I've ever let either boy cry alone has been probably 3-5 minutes, and that's only ever been when I needed to step out to regroup. But today both of them were crying and refusing naps and I just didn't handle it well. (I guess I'm lucky that I've never had both boys be overtired and crying at the same time before!) I do all I can to not get to that (empty parent patience) place, but every once in a while, it happens. And today it happened with both boys needing me and crying for me. And I didn't do well.
I know that isolated instances like this (and they are blessedly isolated) are not a big deal on the whole, but right now I feel just awful. Like an absolutely vile parent.
I did go outside and cool off for 5 minutes after the yelling, and then was able to go back to the (still-crying) 1 year old and nurse and cuddle him to sleep. But by the time I was done with that, the 3 year old was already asleep and I didn't get to talk about why I was so angry and give him some cuddles.
I'm tired, which is the biggest problem. But not because I was up late watching TV or anything luxurious like that-- but because the 3 year old was refusing sleep until 10:30 at night and the 1 year old woke every hour between 11 and 5:30, and then was up for the day. DH is out of town until Wednesday.
Sleep and food vie always for being my chief crazy maker.
No need to critique whether or not they needed naps-- given the amount of sleep we've all be getting around here, I have absolutely no doubt that they were tired. Overtired.
It's just been one of "those" bad mama days where the choice was to let the 1 year old cry alone in his crib for longer or parent him to sleep... and I had no parent patience left in me. The longest I've ever let either boy cry alone has been probably 3-5 minutes, and that's only ever been when I needed to step out to regroup. But today both of them were crying and refusing naps and I just didn't handle it well. (I guess I'm lucky that I've never had both boys be overtired and crying at the same time before!) I do all I can to not get to that (empty parent patience) place, but every once in a while, it happens. And today it happened with both boys needing me and crying for me. And I didn't do well.
I know that isolated instances like this (and they are blessedly isolated) are not a big deal on the whole, but right now I feel just awful. Like an absolutely vile parent.
I did go outside and cool off for 5 minutes after the yelling, and then was able to go back to the (still-crying) 1 year old and nurse and cuddle him to sleep. But by the time I was done with that, the 3 year old was already asleep and I didn't get to talk about why I was so angry and give him some cuddles.
I'm tired, which is the biggest problem. But not because I was up late watching TV or anything luxurious like that-- but because the 3 year old was refusing sleep until 10:30 at night and the 1 year old woke every hour between 11 and 5:30, and then was up for the day. DH is out of town until Wednesday.
Sleep and food vie always for being my chief crazy maker.
s
My DH travels also and I have a 18mo old and a 4 1/2 yr old. I was also where you were earlier today and lost it with my children. We do the best we can and have to remember we are human and have needs and when we let our needs be pushed aside and our energy gets drained it is inevitable that we will lose our control. We have so much guilt as mothers and you can only do what you can do. It sounds like you are a loving and gentle mother and your children and mine won't remember our momentary lapses in judgement. They will remember the nursing, cuddles, and kind, loving words. That is what teaches and shapes them.
