You know, it's important to remember that parents with Asperger's aren't always like this. A lot of their parenting is going to depend on how thye were parented, as well . . . also, people with high-functioning autism/Asperger's who were never diagnosed or helped in the ways they needed, have high-stress lives and are prone to depression and a higher incidence of personality disorders*. I think my mom has a couple or a few personality disorders-- probably Paranoid, Obsessive, and Narcissistic, for instance. She is very, very eccentric and she was a tough mom to live with. At the same time, I had the same kind of relationship that a PP described in that I would constantly try to make her feel better about herself and help her prop up her sense of self-esteem (narcissists have zero self-esteem).
Now, again, Asperger's parents don't have to be like that. I am parenting my Asperger son very carefully in hopes that he will be able to have a successful and happy family life as an adult. Attachment parenting makes a huge difference!!! And for that I thank my mom, because even with all her faults, she was intellectually dedicated to being a mom-- she actually read Mothering magazine back in the day breastfed me and attachment-parented me as a baby**. Of course, she abandoned me when I was one, but still . . . it still made a difference, the attachment parenting at the very beginning.
My son is very affectionate and attached for an Asperger's child. It wasn't easy attachment parenting him. He didn't like being "worn" most of the time. He was constantly complain-crying (as a baby). He hated being put down but would only be held one way (or he cried). And so on and so on . . . I think most of parents with a baby like would've just made him cry it out from a young age. That's probably what happened to my mom, and that's probably why she's the way she is today-- the unattached way she was parented.
So anyway, I hope this post might offer some new perspective and some closure and maybe some hope for the future.
BTW, I try to think of my mom kindly and forgivingly, but the reason I can think that way is that I no longer have a relationship with her. She's not in my life now. It was all about her, all one-sided, too painful. It's okay to "divorce" your parents if you need to . . . it makes it easier to let go of the anger.
* Personality Disorders usually develop in the 20s when a person is exposed to incredibly high amounts of stress for an extended amount of time
** my mom abandoned my dad and brother and I when I was a year old and then fought for us in court a little while later, but I didn't see her for a year, until I was 2. Then I was sent back to live with her and life was miserable.