Can't get past wanting the attention

[gabbyraja]

I'm not pg, and not even ttc, so I'm not sure why I'm here asking this question... Except that I'm ovulating today and it made me think about it, I guess, since we weren't really careful to TTA this month. Oops...

Anyway, everything about me wants to do a UC if I should ever find myself pg again. I have very easy births where things go so naturally you'd think I was a wild animal. I know my body extremely well and I like to say I've already had 3 UC births. They were "attended" by midwives, but they didn't actually DO anything at all, not even catch, just watched. My 7 year old son actually got to catch my last baby.

It just makes monetary sense, It would feel so much more natural, etc. But one of the things I really do love about being pregnant is the attention. Or more precisely, maybe, is the excitement. I always feel so swful during pregnancy. I find it very hard to get excited at all. And when you're on any number greater than one your family and friends don't treat it like it's very special either. But those midwisves are always so excited for you, every time they see you. They treat you like you are the most special person in the world, with the most special job in the world. Like there's no one else pregnant and that you are all that matters. (Maybe I've just had really good midwives, though ).

I'd UP and UC, but GOD I would miss that! Just going about my usual day in the usual way with no one reminding me that there's something incredibly special about me right now would seem so depressing to me.

Is that crazy? How would I get past that?

Thanks

[desertpenguin]

is there any particular reason why you would UP? i had a UC with ds2, but i went to a midwifery group for my prenatal care and will probably do the same should i ever get pregnant again. i didn't have any close friends at the time, and my 30-60 min appts were like therapy for me! for some reason i always end up with family drama while preggo, and it was nice to be able to discuss things with them. if you desire the extra attention and caring, i say why not?

[MsBlack]

Yeah, why not???? THere is nothing wrong with liking or needing that kind of attention. For some, it is the most natural thing in the world. I had 4 UCs, and never birthed solo or just with my dh....I always shared the pregnancy and birth with certain special loved ones. Partly because for me, the baby was coming not just to me, but to my community--and partly because I really wanted the loving support. Some of us are like that. As long as you are in charge of events, and getting what *you* know that you and baby need, there are really no 'special UC rules' that demand you do it any particular way. Which for me is part of the beauty of UC--doing it all MY way!

[KristaDJ]

I felt that way with my first UP/UC, my first two were standard prenatal care w/hospital births. I was like "Wahhhh, No one is telling me that I'm pregnant and caring what I do/eat or how I sleep/pee/poop or what kind of discharge I have!!!!!!" Then I realized "This is great! No one is asking me what I ate or telling me I gained too much weight" I realized after it was over that it helped me sooooooo much because I had to fully rely on my connection with my baby, my body and my God to know that everything was okay and when it came time to birth that connection was already there and I didn't need anyone else to tell or ask me anything.
Since you've already had natural births, I'm assuming at home, then I'd say prenatal care wouldn't "hurt" a UC for you and if you want the attention them go get it. But if you want to save the dough then do your own care. Get a fetoscope and a measuring tape and do your own checks. I checked my bp, urine, fundal height, FHT, and weight on the same schedule and OB would've done. I also made sure to drink my pregnancy tea and spend some time with my belly. It all made it feel more special.

[thefreckledmama]

This is my first UC, but I'm still seeing my OB. I do think that next time I will go UP, but I completely understand what you mean by the attention factor. I think pregnancy is a great time to feel pampered and special-it's a beautiful thing. And it doesn't matter if it's your first of twelfth.

I think I would look at different ways of having that special attention during the pregnancy. Pedicures, massages, special little scheduled "me" times. Even if you wouldn't be having a baby shower, you could have a party celebrating the pregnancy and new life coming into your family.

Of course, there's no law anywhere that says you can't have prenatal care and UC (at least I hope not, cause I'd be out ). The most important thing is that you do what feels right for you.

On a side note: My husband's main objection to home birth was always that we'd be missing out on the room service in the hospital. He said it always made it that much more of a special time-he's a goofball.

[Hesperia]

Originally Posted by gabbyraja

I'm not pg, and not even ttc, so I'm not sure why I'm here asking this question... Except that I'm ovulating today and it made me think about it, I guess, since we weren't really careful to TTA this month. Oops...

Anyway, everything about me wants to do a UC if I should ever find myself pg again. I have very easy births where things go so naturally you'd think I was a wild animal. I know my body extremely well and I like to say I've already had 3 UC births. They were "attended" by midwives, but they didn't actually DO anything at all, not even catch, just watched. My 7 year old son actually got to catch my last baby.

It just makes monetary sense, It would feel so much more natural, etc. But one of the things I really do love about being pregnant is the attention. Or more precisely, maybe, is the excitement. I always feel so swful during pregnancy. I find it very hard to get excited at all. And when you're on any number greater than one your family and friends don't treat it like it's very special either. But those midwisves are always so excited for you, every time they see you. They treat you like you are the most special person in the world, with the most special job in the world. Like there's no one else pregnant and that you are all that matters. (Maybe I've just had really good midwives, though ).

I'd UP and UC, but GOD I would miss that! Just going about my usual day in the usual way with no one reminding me that there's something incredibly special about me right now would seem so depressing to me.

Is that crazy? How would I get past that?

Thanks

Those sounds like perfectly normal feelings!! And, I came here and chatted a lot before we were even TTC. It is a safe and loving place for the most part.

I think it would be amazing if you got the attention you feel you need with your midwives and then choose to UC. I don't see a problem at all there.
If you'd like to UP, is there another way that you can find that bond you are craving, maybe with some other pregnant mama with similar belief systems?

For me, when I was first thinking about UC, I had a lot of fears, I addressed then and let them go. Maybe this is similar, not a fear, but like you'll be missing something. Accept it, thinking about it, re-frame it!

Or, don't. There is nothing wrong with what you want

[gabbyraja]

Thank you so much for your replies. I'm so sorry I bailed and didn't come back for so long. I had just had a false alarm in Oct and it was a little depressing to me. I knew dh was scheduled for the big V in Jan (happening this Thur) and there would be no more for me but through some sort of divine intervention. Well, it looks like it was SO meant to be, because I got a faint line today! Dh is in denial, but I'm pretty ecstatic.

Anyway, your words make so much sense. The midwives in my area do not split services. They bill you one large $4000 fee for the prenatal, post natal and delivery. And you pay out of pocket, then cross your fingers at the end that your insurance will cover a portion. I couldn't see paying that fee for a few hugs and "You look wonderful!"s. However, I now have an insurance that may pay the whole thing, and they will DEFINITELY bill my insurance for the birth even if they "don't make it" so that I don't have to pay out of pocket for it. They LOVE me there. They don't do homebirths but for their very favorite clients, and they have offered to do mine.

Anyway, until I read your words it didn't occur to me to actually look into maybe seeing them for the prenatal care but NOT going to the freestanding BC for the birth. Duh! Thank you all so much! Cross your fingers for me that I may be able to have my cake and eat it, too!

[thefreckledmama]

Congratulations!

I'm glad things are falling into place for you to have the pregnancy and labor experiences you want.