Are these normal?

[JTA Mom]

My aunt, who was like a second mother to me, died 5mos ago very suddenly. She had bilateral pulmonary embolism, which seems like God very much wanted her to die that day.

Anyways, she left behind 3 kids and a bunch of unfinished business. We are trying to fix things, but it's all still a mess.

I've had 2 unsettling dreams about her and am wondering if they are normal. In both dreams we get news that she really hasn't died, that there was some mix up in the hospital and she's really alive. Both times she came out and met us. I think we were in a doctors office of some sort when being told this. The first dream, she looked like she did in life and it was a month or two after her passing. This last dream was a week ago. In it she had lost a lot of weight, and we were told she would look different.

Both times I was overwhelmed by feelings of relief and an outpouring of emotions (aka crying, lots and lots of crying).

Is this normal? They freaked me out because I really believed them, until, of course, I woke up and remembered there is no way they could be true. I mean, she collapsed at home and was rushed to the hospital. My entire family saw her still in the hospital bed, dead. Sooooo confused.

Ami

[MariaMadly]

Yes!

If I were armchair analyzing someone close to me, I'd also venture to suggest the possibility that the second one, with her appearance changed, might indicate the progression of your grief, your awareness of the different connection with her / her memory.

A few years ago someone did something horrible to me; on one night soon following, I dreamed that it had happened. It turned out to be my way of wishing it hadn't, not really, just a dream. Except it was real, but my dream, like yours, was a way of trying to cope.

Peace to you.

[LionTigerBear]

I don't know if that's common or not, but it seems like a normal way to work through your grief. I am so sorry for your loss, how heartbreaking for everyone.

[Cherie2]

i have had these dreams about my mom its nice to know they are normal

[Emmeline II]

I had a lot of horrible dreams after my father died. Sometimes I did not realize he was a ghost or he did not realize he was a ghost...but I was pregnant as well and I have frequent bad dreams when pregnant.

[notjustmamie]

Yep, completely normal. I used to go through cycles the year or so after my mom died. I'd have a few dreams that she was alive and well, then some where she was sick, then she had died and come back to life. It's just another way your mind/spirit is trying to process the incomprehensibility of losing someone you love.

[one4all]

I think it's normal

I'm not a psychiatrist, but your dreams sound pretty normal to me. I've often had very intense, realistic dreams after a period of high stress or grief. My rule of thumb in analyzing my reaction to grief or stress is to assume that since I'm pretty normal (most people are), my responses are probably normal too, even though they seem strange to me because they are new experiences for me. When you start asking other people about how they respond, you find that a lot of people (not everyone) respond in a similar way.

The next question I ask myself is that, assuming my response is normal, is my response unhealthy? Lots of normal people deal with things in unhealthy ways. It seems like the trick to actually staying normal/balanced/well-adjusted is to make sure you deal with whatever it is you are dealing with in a healthy, positive way (it's funny how once you start doing things in an unhealthy way, the tendancy sort of feeds on itself).

Anyway, I guess your world view, whether that's determined by religious or spiritual beliefs or some other belief system, tells you whether your response is healthy. Regardless of your faith, lack of faith, or whatever you believe in, I think most people have a similar set of core beliefs - that basic things like love and other positive feelings are good and feelings like anger and selfishness are bad. In your case, I think most people would agree that it's healthy to have a time of grieving after the death of a loved one but that at some point you have move on so the feelings of grief don't take control of your life.

Obviously, none of this is earth-shattering revelation, but I thought it might be useful to get a little feedback, confirming that nothing you've described seems unhealthy or abnormal to me. Best wishes.

[shayinme]

I would say yes, my Mom died 5 years ago but the first 2 years after her passing, I would have the most incredible vivid dreams where she was alive. I would wake up and it would take several minutes to realize they were just dreams.

I rarely have such dreams anymore but I am also in that place where the reality has definitely settled in that she is gone.

Hugs to you and I am so sorry for your loss.

[ms.shell]

i am sorry for your loss.
i guess it must be normal. i have had 2 ladies who were very close to me (dearly beloved m-i-l and then my best friend) die unexpectedly and with each i had dreams like this. Very vivid dreams where i found out that the person had not died after all. Or where they wetre alive and interacting with me. Maybe it is just working through the grief, maybe it is a message from their spirit that it has not died.