Girls making homeschooling difficult

[AutumnSunshine]

No longer having a problem!

[elanorh]

Couldn't read this and not send a

My oldest is the same age as your youngest daughter - so I don't have experience parenting and teaching older kids. I do know, though, that at least with Ina, some days it seems like she just wants to act like she's 3 (like her little sister) for whatever reason. My mom had seven of us and she says that this is part of learning and practicing empathy, she thinks (behaving like your younger sibling, trying out their behaviors). They see the younger sibling getting away with behavior that they don't normally get away with, and try to mimic to see how it goes. How to handle it ... I usually point out that SJ hasn't learned enough yet to know better, and that when Ina and I and dh show her the 'proper' way to do things, then eventually she will do things that way too but we are just teaching her now. And ask Ina if she wants to be treated like her sister if she's going to act like her sister (this makes her stop and think about diapers, etc. and she quickly readjusts I think ).

Have you tried talking with the older girls about how their youngest sister feels when they spend all their time together and exclude her? And, is she really wanting to be with THEM, or to have someone she can play with the way SHE wants to play? I remember wanting to play with my older sister and her friends .... And I remember, as an older sister, not wanting a tagalong, too. There are ages where much as a younger sibling wants to play with the elder siblings, they don't want to play WHAT the elder siblings are playing. So maybe doing more family games together with all three girls, and then seeing if there is a child in your homeschooling group who shares interests with your 6 year old, and have them do some school work and play time together?? As your youngest gets older, she will move more into the same interests as her older sisters and equilibrium will come again.

In terms of your ds, we got FUNtastic frogs for our three year old to do during school time (and only during school) - she loves them. I'd think the large size would be fine for a two year old, get the cards and have him practice patterns. She often sits in my lap while we're doing Phonics or something, so she feels she is a part of it too. It must be hard with a kiddo who's just a smidge too young to really be interested in coloring or etc. yet.

Have you and your dh talked about this as well? Do you feel like you've examined all parts of the situation to see whether there is a communication or expectation breakdown that you may have missed?

Some of what you described (in terms of the girls struggling) reminded me of this article, if you haven't read it yet. http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/ Is it possible that you have a little of the dynamic he describes going on?

[kathymuggle]

An idea:

Try reducing the workload to only about an hour per day per child and then work individually with them.

I found trying to do 2 or 3 kids at once really hard - everyone does better when they get focused time from me.

[kathymuggle]

An idea:

Try reducing the workload to only about an hour per day per child and then work individually with them.

I found trying to do 2 or 3 kids at once really hard - everyone does better when they get focused time from me.

They work less and I work more, lol, but so much more is accomplished!

[craft_media_hero]

My very first thought when reading this was: outside! Take school outside. Spend like 6 hours outdoors everyday for a while. Call it a "nature block" and take sketchbooks and pencils, bring books along if you need to. Even if it's cold, just bundle them up, bring lunch/snacks and resolve to not go back in until they're peaceful and exhausted. Just live as much as you can outdoors for a while. It's amazing how so many of the little biting issues disappear when they get outside. I mean, really inundate them with the out-of-doors, and when y'all come back in for some table work, they'll probably feel differently about that. Maybe a week or two "break" like this will help them get centered?

I only have an only girl, but I can totally relate to the whininess and drama and acting like the world is falling apart over every single minor issue. I don't have a lot of feedback for you about the two older girl isolating the younger, that must be very hard.

I know your boy is little, but at two, I would have to hold my kid accountable for being destructive/rude. I don't think that "inappropriate" dumping is okay, and I would get right on his level and lay it out for him, if necessary giving a time-out to get it through that he's not allowed to do this to the girls' stuff. I know "dumping" is a developmental behaviour and should not be discouraged, just routed into a more appropriate channel----like giving him his own "dumping materials"---buckets of noisy stuff and such. And water-play is great, give him his own water station even, but address the dumping-water-in-bed thing. That's just not cool, and he can be taught to dump water in appropriate locations only. Maybe a water/feel table for him could take care of a lot of the distractions. I would address the behavior every single time, showing him specifically how/where he can dump.

Good luck, and stick it out sounds like you have a pretty good situation that just needs a little adjustment.

[meetoo]

I think a sensory table indoors for your youngest,that he can ONLY use during school time would help tons with him!! What a good idea! You can rotate it whenever he is bored.

I have no advice about the girls, except to say if you want to homeschool long term I would be really careful about placing them in school in the middle of a time your homeschool is going terribly. They might only end up remembering the bad parts of homeschooling and it might make school seem so much better to them.

now that said I don't think school is evil and many kids thrive there.

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

An idea:

Try reducing the workload to only about an hour per day per child and then work individually with them.

I found trying to do 2 or 3 kids at once really hard - everyone does better when they get focused time from me.

yes, i agree with this. with the 5 year old, i'd do even less.


ETA - bedtime stories here are our favorite time & i count it all as school. we also watch liberty kids, magic school bus, planet earth, electric company, etc. and that all counts as well. just a thought

[mapleleaf]

Originally Posted by craft_media_hero

My very first thought when reading this was: outside! Take school outside. Spend like 6 hours outdoors everyday for a while. Call it a "nature block" and take sketchbooks and pencils, bring books along if you need to. Even if it's cold, just bundle them up, bring lunch/snacks and resolve to not go back in until they're peaceful and exhausted. Just live as much as you can outdoors for a while. It's amazing how so many of the little biting issues disappear when they get outside. I mean, really inundate them with the out-of-doors, and when y'all come back in for some table work, they'll probably feel differently about that. Maybe a week or two "break" like this will help them get centered?

Good luck, and stick it out sounds like you have a pretty good situation that just needs a little adjustment.

I agree so much with this, we are pretty outdoorsy too. I only have two, 5 and 3.5, but they too get into some bitter fights sometimes. They are much happier if they've been outdoors wearing some energy off rather than indoors all day. I agree with the weather too, just bundle them up, you'd be surprised how much kids love it. Sometimes we meet other homeschoolers or friends a the park so they get to play with others. We also have a Conservation Area near us and are out there a lot. I don't know if you live somewhere where it's cold in the winter (I'm in Canada) so for the really snowy weather we are going swimming (indoors) once a week, and thinking about skating once a week too...that's other than shoveling

[The Hidden Life]

I was in this near exact situation last year. I'd homeschooled my three girls full-time the past two years. I ended up putting them into the public school near our house which has been really a good experience.

My 3yo son is really happy to have my undivided attention during the school day. My daughters (ages 6, 9 and 12) are happier as well. I felt like you do--"I'm doing all this great stuff for you! Why aren't you responding the way I want you to?!"

If we decided to go back to homeschooling (can't imagine this right now--though I would certainly be willing to if needed) it would have to be much more unschooly--like "here are the books, come see me when you want help." Or else I would do the online school Classical Liberal Arts Academy. Or something structured but independent like Robinson Curriculum.

Anyhow, sorry this isn't full of great advice about how to solve the homeschool problem, but just wanted you to know you're not the only one who's faced this. FWIW I think kids can generally get good educations in public school, private school or homeschool, but a lot of it is just a matter of our atttitudes and how we support our kids. I had tons of guilt about letting go of the homeschool dream, but it has turned out to be the right fit for our family this year.

[Ruthla]

School may not be the panacea you're expecting. You'd still be the mother of 4 spirited kids, but you'd have the added stress of getting them up on time for school, in bed on time to get up for school the next day, help them with homework that you personally think is a complete waste of time but you can't tell them that ,etc etc. You're also not dealing with "experts" (school personnelle) trying to tell you how to parent your children, rushing out to "parent teacher night" when you're ready to collapse on the couch with a book, etc.

When I pulled DD2 out of school, I realized that I'd been squishing my parenting of her into blocks of time before and after school. She had an equal number of tantrums and other "problem behaviors" during the day- only now they were spread out instead of all at once. Could you just imagine having a whole day's worth of fighting condensed into 3 hours after school???

You're not "failing to provide them with the perfect learning environment" just because things are stressful right now. Sometimes, that's what life in a large family IS. It's not hurting their long-term emotional development.

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

An idea:

Try reducing the workload to only about an hour per day per child and then work individually with them.

I found trying to do 2 or 3 kids at once really hard - everyone does better when they get focused time from me.

They work less and I work more, lol, but so much more is accomplished!

I have 7 and 5yo homeschoolers right now... and a 3.5yo boybarian who lives in interrupt and make it impossible to get anything done. He goes to preschool 2 days a week (which honestly is more trouble than it's worth, except for the simple fact that those are the 2 days we often have activites with groups.. and omg I don't want to manage 3 wild boys for those!) and what I'm thinking of doing with him is setting up a 'centre' or two of things for him and him alone... nearby us, but not at the same table with us as then he just wants what his brothers have So maybe some crayons, paper & safety scissors at one spot, and his blocks or train set at another. This might even work for your 2yo, although obviously you might have to choose different things

I'd definitely cut their work to fit in about an hour, at least for now. That way you can spend one hour with one dd, take a break to give the little guy some time, then an hour with the next dd. With my 5yo we might spend an hour a day IF he decides he wants to do whatever we are doing in history odyssey, otherwise it's phonics 3days a week, handwriting (a few minutes a day) and math u see (abougy 15mins a day). All other work is experience, not table stuff

[christinar]

Originally Posted by meetoo

I think a sensory table indoors for your youngest,that he can ONLY use during school time would help tons with him!! What a good idea! You can rotate it whenever he is bored.

I don't know if this would work with your little guy, but we have a dishwasher, and in the cooler/cold months, I would open it and give the kids big and small yogurt etc. containers and an eyedropper/turkey baster and let them pour and mix and pour. If I was feeling really fancy I'd put some food coloring in it. They usually did this in just underwear, so there wasn't any mess to clean up but wiping the floor with a towel (which they could do) once the dishwasher was closed.

I've also heard of people getting a big cheap-y plastic tablecloth and a big under-the-bed bin and putting rice in it, and then setting the bin on the tablecloth and letting the kid have at it with little diggers and dumpers and spoons, cups etc. When done just dump the rice from the tablecloth back in the bin and close the lid on the rice & the small toys.

[GinaRae]

I think I would also work with one child at a time for a while and see if you can figure out what's working best for each. I feel for you as just having one 3rd grader newly homeschooled and a toddler tornado, it's been tough!

Also, in between lessons we have a pile of books on the table from the library that we go through. Everything from picture books to lengthy history books I've marked off interesting tidbits to read to him. It seems to keep him excited and motivated. But that's just what I figured out FOR HIM by really watching and listening to him and trying everything. I think that's what is needed with your brood -- it's just going to take a lot longer to get to the root of it.