17 months going on 3 yo

[elf]

HELP.

First kid....and a very spirited one at that. She had her first real tantrum at 11 months b/c I wouldn't allow her to play with an electrical outlet---the whole back arching, screaming...and then slappped me in the face hard.

Now at 17 months, I just don't know what to do. She seems WAY older than other kids her age. She is also WAY more spirited. Either way, she will do very little that we ask of her...if we make her do something (like hold our hand in a busy parking lot) she has a full blown tantrum. If I make her look me in the face when I use the NO word, she inevitably slaps me and laughs.

Besides saying "no, babies don't do that" and removing her from the situation, I haven't disciplined her because 17 months just seems so young. However, clearly, I need help because she is running this joint.

ANy advice or book suggestions?

[Thalia the Muse]

Wow, that sounds rough!

Some things:

when babies pinch/hit/scratch/kick, it can be very effective to put them down or step away, say "No hitting! Gentle touch!" and then withdraw attention for a while. Don't allow the kid to hit you -- move out of range for a little, then give her a hug and another chance. If you know she'll hit you in the face when you kneel down and say "no," then don't do it! If you must communicate on her level and you know she won't like what you have to say, then gently hold her hands in yours -- and don't try to force her to look you in the face.

Try to avoid situations that set you up for conflict -- missing a nap, letting her get too hungry, long boring shopping trips without a break to run around. She's having a hard time coping, so don't give her too much to cope with.

Also try to avoid situations where you have to rely on her to comply with you -- because clearly she can't do that right now. Don't ask her to hold your hand -- just hold it. If she flops on the ground screaming, then carry her. It's not a punishment, but if you can't hold hands in the parking lot, you must be carried to keep you safe. If she has something that she shouldn't have, don't ask for it back, just gently remove it as you say "not for babies!"

Practice going places fun for her, like the park or story time, and leave immediately if she tantrums or runs away or hits or refuses to hold hands in the parking lot. The consequence for misbehaving is that you don't get to have any more fun -- she might not mind being whisked away from the supermarket, but she won't enjoy being whisked away from the park.

Tantrums are loud and unpleasant but harmless, and kids grow out of them. If she needs to lie down and kick and scream (somewhere safe, NOT in the parking lot!), then it's fine to let her do that until she can get the feelings out. Some kids do better if you pat their backs or hug them, others calm more quickly if left alone to work it out on their own, with you nearby. Be sympathetic but cheerful afterward -- that was scary, wasn't it? you were upset! I'm glad you feel better. Would you like me to read you a story or draw pictures together? Or whatever.

[elf]

Thank you so much for all of your ideas. I so need assistance with this. When she wakes up from her nap, I am going to try it out. THANKS!

[Thalia the Muse]

I hope some of it is useful! I think some kids just really have a hard time being toddlers, and it's no fun for anyone until they grow into a little more self-control.

[maeby]

haha i say this all the time about my 16mo. the other day he was mad because i wouldn't let him walk in the parking lot (he wont hold my hand) and screamed DOWN the whole way to the bridge to the park where i finally let him walk and said please hold mamas hand and he pulled his hand away with his opposite hand, gave me the dirtiest look ever and said UHNNN! he wouldnt walk next to me, kept sneering to the side i was on and moving away!

um, where did my baby go and who is this moody preteen!?!

think this means they will be really easy as toddlers? *wishful thinking*

[sapphire_chan]

Back arching and screaming is a tantrum?

Wow, Lina's had a lot more tantrums than I thought.

Anyway back to reading how to handle them.