AP and getting out the door in the morning

[JessieBird]

Hey everyone - I am going back to work next week and we have started the transition to daycare, including getting up early and practicing our morning routine. DS is 11 mo and since birth we have been very AP at home, before I'd even heard the term. Bedsharing, baby wearing, BFing on demand, EC, and eating together have been really important parts of our bond. Lately life has gotten so busy as I prepare to go back to work and also DS has reached a point in both his need to move and his weight (25lbs) that I haven't been wearing him all that often. He was slow to take to solids but over the last month his BFing has greatly reduced, down to not at all if we are busy. I found that these changes really affected my connection with him. I don't feel as needed and at the same time I don't have as much to give because I am stretched in more directions.

Now that we have to add to this being separated all day and the fact that what little time we have together in the morning and evenings will be spent rushing to get all that we need to do done, I really feel that our wonderful little "bubble bond" is at risk. I am doing every thing I can think of to plan ahead to make mornings in particular as relaxed as possible so we can still be close and loving as we try to get out the door on time.

Do you have any advice on how to stay connected and continue to AP when both parents work full time and time is at such a premium? It used to come naturally and from the heart but I can see how easily being busy and rushed will interfere and I am really struggling with a lot of sadness about this. We are going to need our closeness more than ever and I am worried about the repercussions for our family.

Thank you and I hope everyone is having a great day!

[AllisonR]

Hi,
BTDT!
I put both icons there because it is both great and sad at the same time. First, when you start back at work and your DC is in daycare all day, at first it is really, really hard. And some days will be hectic, awful, lack of quality time... but your DC will not be scarred for life! I promise. You just have to find a new rhythm.

I went back to work when my DD was 11 months and it was really tough. I was burnt out from my own intensity at work. DD was so angry I was "abandoning" her. It took her two months to adjust to the same day care place, which is fabulous, where it took her older brother only 5 days to adjust to the same place. It got much better after that. It is 2 years later and DD LOVES day care, and is psyched to start pre-k with DS next week. We found our own rhythm. For us, it was making sure DS always had a glass of OJ in the morning to get his sugar level back up. It was making sure DD could decide herself if me or DH was going to dress her on any specific day. It was making sure that they were both in bed the night before, and asleep, by 7:45pm, come hell or high water, or if not, just accepting that the next morning would be total crap. You (all of you) will find your own rhythm and own way.

[caenach]

It is tough--especially when they're so much to be done in the mornings!

I guess we try to reduce the morning load as much as possible by prepping the night before. Clothes planned/laid out, lunches packed, bag ready for the next day. If we can get that organized, I have breakfast wraps ready to be warmed up in the oven.

Some "routine" items can also be a chance for reconnection. For instance, DD and I take our morning shower together. We comb our hair together, put lotion on. There are some morning tasks she can help me with--like taking items out of the refrigerator and putting them into a bag.

And I try to build in some morning time, after we wake up, where we just cuddle in bed, read a story, play a little bit. Sure, some mornings it gets skipped if DD sleeps late or things fall apart...but it's nice to feel like we have the time to say good morning to one another with concentration.

I can wear DD while I make breakfast and pack up for the day.

Mornings are still hard, though, sometimes...mostly the part where I need to put on clothes. DD has always been very clingy in the a.m.