5yo defiant and unkind

[Still_Learning]

I hate the word "defiant", but I can't think of any other way to describe it.

Lately, DS is running me ragged.

I try to always tell him what I want to see (like "let go of the dog's tail" "use your quiet voice" "forks are for eating") He grins and does the exact thing I'm guiding him away from.

His favorite thing is being loud while I try to set the sleeping baby down. "It's time to be very quiet so I can get her down and be free to play with you" met with yelling, clapping, stomping...

It's been going on for a month or so and driving me insane.

He's also enjoying anything that upsets me. I watch a certain tv show in the afternoon, it's the only show i watch and he knows i enjoy it. he keeps saying he wishes i had to be in the car picking him up from school so that i couldn't enjoy the show.

i'm at a loss...what happened to my sweet kid?? why is he suddenly thrilled when i'm upset?

what can i do?

[jewelsJZ]

How frustrating. Here's a bunch of thoughts, maybe something will be helpful to you.
How old is the baby? Just wondering if that has anything to do with it. My oldest had big time behavior issues when my 2nd was born.
Can you link his positive/kind behavior to something good/fun for him? Like when putting sleeping baby down, "I need you to be very quiet so baby stays asleep and then we can go get a snack together/play a game/read a book." ?
I would also try to be very matter of fact and not show him when you are upset, hard as that is, I know, but if that is what you feel he is doing it for, to get a reaction, then try to not have a reaction, KWIM?
Safety issues like pulling dog's tail, I would remove him or the dog. Even nice dogs can bite when their tails are pulled. With the fork: "Please use your fork to eat your food." He doesn't do it, then "I see you aren't using your fork to eat, so we'll put it away."
Can you record your show? Or make that his quiet time in another part of the house while you watch it? Give him the choice, he can either play quietly in the room where t.v. is or he can go play in his room/room where toys are/etc.
My two older kids don't nap anymore but they have quiet time in their rooms every afternoon. They can play, read/look at books or sleep. Their choice.

[Grace and Granola]

Bumping....I have a 4yo whose bad attitude and snarkiness have now been transferred to my 2.5yo and they are double-teaming me! My sympathies