I feel like we're doing too much - Page 2

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

FTR, I don't intend this to be a "Look at me! I'm so awesome! We're getting so much done!" kind of thread. It's more like "Holy crap! I have OCD and anxiety issues and vacillate between thinking Waldorf is the coolest thing ever and that it isn't enough and I'm driving my children and myself nuts!"

I could have written this. I flip flop almost daily between unschooling and waldorf and classical/CM. All things I believe in individually and very much so at odds with each other. I have yet to come to a good way to do it because of that. I was running myself ragged after also having no summer prep time and we had a late start after the kids decided to go back to Waldorf and we finally got Christopherus and then they decided they don't like that anymore so everyday was a chore and ended with me crying.

I have a million things I want to do and that I have the stuff for, but we just never get around to them. I have dreams of some weird perfect day full of nature and art appreciation and tons of educational activities my kids are fawning over. Then reality hits.

We were doing workboxes but for me, it took forever to do those because I have 8 million ideas for them but can never decide on what to go in them that actual day.

I'm glad you talked with the kids. My kids just say "I dunno" when I try to talk it out. *sigh*

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by lauriem33

My FIL already has said he wants to see my "curriculum" - he was a career teacher and principal for the last several years of his career, SIL is a teacher, aunt-in-law is a teacher.....

Aiyaiyaiiii..... Best of luck! Do drop in and let us know how things are going!

Here's a thread that leads to lots and lots of input on how others have dealt with skeptical family members: Defending the choice to HS thread? - Lillian

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by lauriem33

Lillian, thank you for that wisdom! I'm gearing up for the holiday season and all the family get-togethers where I expect to be grilled about our homeschooling (it's our first year), and that is a perfect illustration I need to remember. My FIL already has said he wants to see my "curriculum" - he was a career teacher and principal for the last several years of his career, SIL is a teacher, aunt-in-law is a teacher.....

wow.. so has he elected himself principal of your homeschool? Good luck maneuvering through that situation, I hope you have thought out all your replies in advance? It'll help you feel much more confident & less on the defense.

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Thanks, all! I had a great talk with the kids this afternoon, and we're going to keep talking about this and figuring it out. I'll be back to let you all know what we decide.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I think a lot of this is stemming from the fact that I didn't really have any prep time this summer. I meant to, but then I was pregnant and sick, and then I lost the baby, and then I was pregnant and sick again, and then I lost that baby, and school kind of sneaked up on me. So I've been at loose ends all along, I think.

I am sorry you lost babies last summer

Could you finnish a week early at Xmas, start a week late in January (or some other plan that fits in with your life) to take a week to process and plan?

[annettemarie]

We always take two weeks off around Christmas, so I think that would definitely be a good time to regroup.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

And I want to pull back, but I'm scared.

I'd really like to be a little more relaxed, but I feel scared they'll miss something. Heck, even as it is, I'm worried I'm forgetting to teach them something.

We do Waldorf main lesson blocks kind of sort of, but with four kids, time is at a premium. So I also use the workbox system.

My mornings go like this:
Around 8:30/9:00, the older two start on their workboxes. I do circle time with the two youngest. Then I show the toddler something he can do (it might be as simple as pointing out a new toy on the shelf) and work with the kindergartener for a little bit. We might tell a story, do a story-related craft, look at the letter that's related to the story. Then if he has any workboxes that he needs me right there for, we work on them. Here is a blog post with some of the workboxes. I'm really not too fussed about what he's doing, because he takes a 10 minute break at the end of each row, is finished by around 10:30, and most of the boxes have some sort of play activity.

But it's the older two I feel guilty about. They're each doing workboxes (files, actually-- Michael and Katie Grace) AND practicing cello/violin respectively, AND doing a main lesson. It just feels like too much. Not only for them, but for me! I feel like a pinball, pinging around from kid to kid to kid to kid.

In the afternoons, we just do read aloud and Story of the World.

I just don't know what to let go. I already feel guilty that
1. We don't fit in a daily walk
2. I'm not booting them outside daily
3. We're not getting in art and music appreciation
4. We're not doing any sort of "getting ready for the standardized test" prep
5. We hardly have any time to bake together or do projects of that sort
6. We don't do a whole lot of "writing process" type things, with editing and rewrites and finished products.

Two smallish victories:
I've been trying to let go of the idea that every file has to have something to do. If they only have 10, that's fine. I don't need to have something in the last two just for the sake of having something.

And our main lessons have been shorter, and do hands-on stuff. I try to work other main-lesson-related stuff in their files. (For example, Katie Grace is doing a Farming unit. We read about compost and worked on our compost bin together, but then the next day I put the book and her main lesson book in her file and asked her to draw a picture/write how compost works).

I guess I just feel like I'm almost trying to do two complete curriculums-- a Waldorf main lesson and then a more traditional one as well. I'd rather lean more towards a Waldorf curriculum, but then I'm afraid I'll miss stuff.

I don't even know if I'm explaining this well.

I'm afraid I'm doing too much, I'm afraid I'm overwhelming everyone, and I'm afraid we're all going to burn out.

And just for the record, I'm not remotely interested in unschooling. I'm just looking to see how we can fit things in without going crazy.

I think if you want to do more waldorf stuff, you should. I've been told (and told others) many times over the years, that "of course you'll miss something. But thye would miss some stuff in school too".

Hang in there!

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

I am sorry you lost babies last summer

Could you finish a week early at Xmas, start a week late in January (or some other plan that fits in with your life) to take a week to process and plan?

this is good advice

i am also sorry for you loss, annettemarie. hugs to you.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

I think if you want to do more waldorf stuff, you should. I've been told (and told others) many times over the years, that "of course you'll miss something. But thye would miss some stuff in school too".

Here's something my grown son said in an article for which I asked him to write a bit:

What, if anything, did you find most lacking? Do you think there were gaps in your education?

"I can't think of anything I found lacking in my experience - it's given me an appreciation of all the possibilities in life and in the world, and the confidence to go out and find them. I think homeschoolers can have some gaps in their education that might not be there if they went to school, and some might have no gaps at all - but most of my gaps in knowledge were not things that I consider very important. On the other hand, I think kids who go to school usually have bigger gaps than homeschoolers in terms of information that's important for living in the real world. I think homeschooling provides a superior education to school in almost every way.

My homeschool friends and I didn't think about learning - we just lived and learned. Friends in school thought of learning as a separate activity from life that was usually a burden or a chore - they thought of learning in the same way that people often think of work.

When I started junior college classes, because it was my first experience since the first grade of a classroom, I was expecting it to be a big challenge and something that would take a lot of getting used to. But I found it was actually effortless because I was interested in what was going on, and I thought of learning as something fun and interesting; whereas many of the other kids in class had a really hard time because they were just trying to get the grade to move on to whatever was next for them. They didn't think of what they were doing as gaining knowledge, they thought of it as just another hoop to jump through - that's how burned out they were by high school." I think his homeschooled friends would say pretty much the same thing. And a friend of his who went to school commented in a letter of recommendation he wrote for the college application that he'd often found himself feeling a bit puffed up about his own education, only to keep finding that his friend, my son, knew more without having studied, some of the things he'd studied in school. Lillian

[True Blue]

I'm so sorry about your babies, somehow I missed that you lost them.

I never know if we're doing too much or not enough. Usually I think we aren't doing enough, but I feel the ping-pong thing, too. I only have two learning formally right now, and a toddler...I can't even imagine four. I know it all works out, but getting there is difficult. I think, though, if you feel like you are doing too much...then you are. You've gotten some great advice here. I think it's a great idea to cut back the workbox files a little if you can, and work in more of the stuff you all love.

[Nickarolaberry]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

Here's something my grown son said in an article for which I asked him to write a bit:

What, if anything, did you find most lacking? Do you think there were gaps in your education?

"I can't think of anything I found lacking in my experience - it's given me an appreciation of all the possibilities in life and in the world, and the confidence to go out and find them. I think homeschoolers can have some gaps in their education that might not be there if they went to school, and some might have no gaps at all - but most of my gaps in knowledge were not things that I consider very important. On the other hand, I think kids who go to school usually have bigger gaps than homeschoolers in terms of information that's important for living in the real world. I think homeschooling provides a superior education to school in almost every way.

My homeschool friends and I didn't think about learning - we just lived and learned. Friends in school thought of learning as a separate activity from life that was usually a burden or a chore - they thought of learning in the same way that people often think of work.

When I started junior college classes, because it was my first experience since the first grade of a classroom, I was expecting it to be a big challenge and something that would take a lot of getting used to. But I found it was actually effortless because I was interested in what was going on, and I thought of learning as something fun and interesting; whereas many of the other kids in class had a really hard time because they were just trying to get the grade to move on to whatever was next for them. They didn't think of what they were doing as gaining knowledge, they thought of it as just another hoop to jump through - that's how burned out they were by high school." I think his homeschooled friends would say pretty much the same thing. And a friend of his who went to school commented in a letter of recommendation he wrote for the college application that he'd often found himself feeling a bit puffed up about his own education, only to keep finding that his friend, my son, knew more without having studied, some of the things he'd studied in school. Lillian

Not to hijack, but Lillian, this was so fascinating and terrific to read. I am really struggling with making the commitment to homeschooling, but know it's certainly in our near future. This is very reassuring. Thank you!

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by True Blue

I'm so sorry about your babies, somehow I missed that you lost them.

Same here.

I lost one many years ago, and I know all too well how the loss lingers on... - Lillian

[annettemarie]

Thanks. It was actually a month this week since the second loss. And I didn't mean it as a "poor me" thing. I was just trying to explain why I'm feeling so scattered. I have mild OCD as well, and when I get stressed, my OCD makes me feel itchy. So that could be part of all of this as well.

[bendingbirch]

Annette- I just wanted you to know how much I adore all your work here on this forum and on your beautiful blog that I read daily. You are such an inspiration! And my truly deepest sympathies on your losses, what a difficult time.
Perhaps what you are feeling is some of the need to find the warmth and joy and relaxation in being a homeschooling family...I totally agree with the wise poster who talked about setting your school day around some of those priorities.
I am the Waldorf purist of the bunch, and I think although we all naturally worry about our children missing something as we are responsible for their education, truly teachers even in Waldorf schools pick and choose and cannot cover everything of every time period...

From the Waldorf perspective, we pick the things that most exemplify a particular subject, the things that would most set a child's heart on fire for a particular subject, the things that a child needs the most in their particular character challenges.. and go from there.
For Third Grade I would think more practical work and less Main Lesson book for the farming, gardening, building aspect of that grade...you will have plenty of time to do MLB stuff with OT stories and such. Add in your modeling/painting, spelling and math practice, music, handwork - pretty full. For the little ones (and big) I wonder if the practical piece would help -- in the PM could you take that time to bake, garden, etc while they weave in and out?

Just random thoughts...
Many blessings!

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

I think if you want to do more waldorf stuff, you should. I've been told (and told others) many times over the years, that "of course you'll miss something. But thye would miss some stuff in school too".

Hang in there!

I thought a lot about this today, and you know what? You're right. I'm writing my own ticket (or lesson plan, as it were) and I get to decide how we do things. I have strong, bright, loving, creative, wonderful children. There's not a reason in the world not to believe that they're not going to grow into fabulous brilliant adults. And how they get there is up to me.

So, I did three things today.

I took down that hideous red pocket pouch off my wall. It's handy, but obnoxious, even if I did get it with a 50% off coupon.

And I replaced the white board that I write our little weekly quote on with a small chalkboard. It's just less jarring. We'll still use white boards-- I find them really handy and ecological for practicing math, etc-- but this just appeals to me more.

And I took down the alphabet cards. I'll make my own or wait until I see ones I like. I never liked these.

Of course, that's just aesthetics. But I'm feeling inspired to make changes in other areas as well.

[annettemarie]

Carrie, thank you so much! Your post made me tear up a bit.

I agree 100% about the warmth and the joy. I don't think I want to give up the workboxes completely-- I've tried just letting them roam free when they weren't working one-on-one with me, and it always ends in disaster. There's just too darned many of them, LOL! But I can definitely ease up and add more practical, fun, soul-strengthening stuff. I'm definitely going to try to cut the busy work. That's not why I'm homeschooling.

I'm also trying very hard to get our rhythms and routines back into place. Heaven knows, I've told enough people here that strong routines are (IMO) a strong foundation, but I've gotten away from it.

We had a pretty lovely day today-- oatmeal porridge for breakfast and everyone pitched in, our last Martinmas circle, we got our nature table back up. Katie Grace got all her spelling words right and Michael knows his New England and Mid-Atlantic states and capitals. And Nicholas seems to recognize most of his letters we've done so far. We're on target.

Part of it is, I want to give them everything. I don't want them to miss a thing. When I was in sixth through seventh grade, I spent much of my days sitting in the hall working on my own through high school and then college texts because the teachers at my tiny Catholic school didn't know what to do with me. I want my kids to have so much more than that, you know? And I think sometimes in my desire to make sure they're never sitting in the hall, figuratively speaking, I overthink things.

[annettemarie]

Oh, and while I'm getting all emotional and mushy, I do want to thank you all for letting me talk this through. I do my best thinking when I can bounce things off others, and I really appreciate having this as a safe space to do so. Thank you!

[Leta]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I just don't know what to let go. I already feel guilty that
1. We don't fit in a daily walk
2. I'm not booting them outside daily
3. We're not getting in art and music appreciation
4. We're not doing any sort of "getting ready for the standardized test" prep
5. We hardly have any time to bake together or do projects of that sort
6. We don't do a whole lot of "writing process" type things, with editing and rewrites and finished products.

Just one woman's opinion, so take it with a grain (shaker?) of salt, but...

-I wouldn't worry about 3 or 4 at all. If your kids show any interest at all in drawing or coloring, and if they listen to music in the car, I'd call it a day. Really. If they are interested in this stuff, there won't be any holding them back from it, especially as they get older. It they aren't interested, you and the kids both are going to get frustrated and bored.

-1 and 2 can be combined quite easily. Don't beat yourself up. Give yourself permission to skip a day. Walking with kids is time consuming- a 30 minute walk for me and the dog is a 60 minute walk with the entire family.

-I think 6 is a little ambitious, even for an 8 or 10 year old. If they are into it, great, but I probably wouldn't do a writing-revising-editing project more than twice a month even with a kid who was very enthusiastic. I wrote for a newspaper, and the writing process, with all its steps, is WORK. Time consuming, stress inducing, brain busting WORK. And I was an adult who loved her job. I probably wouldn't start introducing this type of project for another couple of years unless your kids are clamoring for it.

[Leta]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I think a lot of this is stemming from the fact that I didn't really have any prep time this summer. I meant to, but then I was pregnant and sick, and then I lost the baby, and then I was pregnant and sick again, and then I lost that baby, and school kind of sneaked up on me. So I've been at loose ends all along, I think.

Oh, wow. So sorry for your losses. Take it easy on yourself, mama. Allow yourself to cut back. Chances are, you are still recovering, emotionally and physically. It's okay to not go full steam ahead with school for a while.

I had a miscarriage in April '08, have since had a gorgeous, happy, fun son, and still I mourn that pregnancy.

Big, huge hugs.

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

Aiyaiyaiiii..... Best of luck! Do drop in and let us know how things are going!

Here's a thread that leads to lots and lots of input on how others have dealt with skeptical family members: Defending the choice to HS thread? - Lillian

LOL

BIL made a snippy comment about that to me -- Theo is 4 -- and I said GREAT I'd love to have someone to discuss stuff with....and I have been sending him links, and book titles and long e-mail about all the exciting stuff i am reading / learning about education / learning process .... he he he he he he he he .....

over kill is my fav

[Aeress]

Just this morning, as the kids and I got ready to start our day, I thought of You Annette, and how great a job you do with your kids! So see, even if you are feeling like it is too much, just now you give me inspiration! (which shouldn't be seen as inspiration to do more. hehe )

I don't do math everyday (in the sense that we sit down together and do a lesson) or social studies. We read everyday, we play everyday, we learn everyday. Last year I panicked, stressed myself and burned out. This year, I am trying to keep main themes going, incorporating subjects into the theme. We have done pumkpkins, little house/Native Americans, and now Pirates and Puppies. I also try to keep both girls on the same page- so I don't get pulled in too many directions.