Originally Posted by Birdie B.
The way I interpret this is that she is saying what is best for her, not what is best for everyone else. I happen to agree with her, that I wouldn't want to be with a man who is unsupportive to me while I am pregnant/laboring/caring for his child. I see so many threads and posts on here where women ask for help convincing their husband to consider her needs/wishes for the birth - she wants a homebirth and he won't "allow" it; she needs some attention/support during labor and he blows her off, etc. It just makes me sad, because I cannot relate.
See, here's the thing. My husband is completely, totally, 100% supportive of home birth, natural childbirth, and anything else I want or need during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum
. He does NOT "blow me off". He is exactly where I need him to be. My happiness and comfort are extremely
important to him (and me
), which is why we BOTH prefer to have a doula there! I get what I need and he gets what he needs. It's a win-win!
I think philomom was pretty clearly saying that any man who isn't supportive in the way her husband is supportive
is what is rubbing so many of us the wrong way. There are different ways of showing support.
Hiring a doula is one
way of showing support to a laboring mom just as a husband providing it himself is another
way. Just because one couple prefers the husband to provide primary labor support doesn't mean that it's undesirable for another loving, committed, mutually supportive couple to hire a doula.
The important thing is to realize that every woman's preferences and needs are different, not all men are cut out to provide fantastic labor support (which does NOT mean that they are scum unworthy of fatherhood
), and doulas can be
a very helpful addition to the birth team.