or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › At what age is it okay?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

At what age is it okay?

post #1 of 46
Thread Starter 
At what age is it okay for kids to stay overnight with grandparents they know well? My parents kept our two boys (4.5 yrs and 2.5 yrs) for two nights this past weekend while my husbnad and I took a weekend away. Now they say they probably won't keep them for more than a night at a time until they are closer to age 7 (they read some article that suggested that age). Frankly I'm feeling frustrated with them...we rarely ask them to watch them, even so we can go on a date...so it's not a matter of taking advantage of them. I'm feeling like I won't be able to have a weekend outing with my husband till my youngest (who we took with us cause she's 5 months old) is 7 years old. They seem to think it will emotionally hurt them in some way. My boys love spending time with my parents. Can anyone help me put this in perspective? Thanks!
post #2 of 46
sadly if they're not comfortable with it or dont want to they are under no obligation to do it. I know how frustrating it can be but DH and i only have 1 weekend away a year as of right now and dc's are 6 and 8.
post #3 of 46
I don't think there is a one size fits all age. I've never heard of needing to wait till age 7 to spend more than one night with grandparents.

It sounds like your like your parents are looking for an out. Maybe two kids for two nights was too much for them, but they don't want to tell you that for whatever reason.

Anyway, I wouldn't argue with them about it. If they aren't comfortable, then that's pretty much the end of it.
post #4 of 46
I don't think there's any specific age. I would easily leave my 4.5 and 2.5 year old DDs overnight with my parents if they would take them.
post #5 of 46
Whatever age your parents are comfortable with!

Look on the bright side: your parents are nearby. They are willing to take your kids overnight. You could easily get 36 hours to yourselves. Dh and I live far away from family. Do you know how often we've had family take our kids overnight? ONCE. In 8 1/2 years. I'm jealous that your parents can take your kids at all.
post #6 of 46
I also don't think there is a correct age. DS is 4 and no way would he be spending the night anywhere but with us! It depends on the child and whomever is watching. Maybe your kids had a hard time relaxing at night or perhaps they were just two much for them to handle and don't want to admit that so they came up with the age 7 thing just to make it sound good.
post #7 of 46
Well my Mom watched ds from age 6 months - 3 years for about 4 hours a day while I worked. So they had a special bond and she was like a second mother to him. I can't exactly remember the first overnight - but I would guess it was around 3-4 years old. Even before that she would babysit for an evening here and there.

I think it depends more on the grandparent and the child AND their relationship. For instance, even though ds stayed with my parents from a very early age - even now at almost 7 I would NOT leave him with my inlaws.
post #8 of 46
If your parents don't want to keep your kids, find a nanny if you absolutely positively must get away so badly.

Your parents have no responsibility to keep your children overnight or for babysitting them for that matter and are completely within their rights to say they don't wish to do so, for whatever reason. I'm really unsure as to why you are feeling so hostile towards them.

ETA: Funny aside, remember the commercial where the parents ditch the twins with the grandparents and promptly jump into a cab?

Liz
post #9 of 46
DD stayed with my MIL for a weekend at 20 months and she babysat for us while we where working in the mornings ever since she was 5 months old, she loves grandma . I think there's no specific age, if the child and the caregiver feel comfortable the age doesn't matter. I'm thankful for MIL, she's the only relative that we have contact with.

But then again, it's not my MIL responsiblity to take care of my daughter, it's mine. If she ever says no I'll be perfectly fine with it.
post #10 of 46
DS stayed at DH's grandmothers, with my MIL helping out, for two nights when he was 19-20 months old, and had a similar visit when he was 21 months old. They're not in town, but DS and my MIL usually see each other about every 6-8 weeks.

I'd say it's whatever the grandparents, parents, and child are comfortable with. If the grandparents felt they couldn't keep up with small children for that long, I would keep it to just one night at a time like a pp said.

I don't think the article should be taken as gospel, but I think the grandparents have the right to set limits.
post #11 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by dachshundqueen View Post
Your parents have no responsibility to keep your children overnight or for babysitting them for that matter and are completely within their rights to say they don't wish to do so, for whatever reason. I'm really unsure as to why you are feeling so hostile towards them.
I totally agree. There is no reason to expect your parents to take on any child-care responsibilities for your children. Some grandparents are into it, but some aren't, and it's their perogative.

My in-laws are great, and love spending time with my kids. The kids sleep on the floor of their bedroom when we visit. But I certainly don't expect them to watch the kids overnight without us there. I agree with your parents that 7, or perhaps 6, seems reasonable for more than one night away from parents.

To put my background in perspective for you, I think I was 11 before I was away from my parents for even one night, though I remember wanting to from 8 onward. It just didn't come up until my sixth grade class trip.
post #12 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
Whatever age your parents are comfortable with!

Look on the bright side: your parents are nearby. They are willing to take your kids overnight. You could easily get 36 hours to yourselves. Dh and I live far away from family. Do you know how often we've had family take our kids overnight? ONCE. In 8 1/2 years. I'm jealous that your parents can take your kids at all.


DS is over 3 years old. I can count the number of times DH and I have gone out to dinner without him--3 times. Yes, that's just for DINNER. Forget about an overnight. Other than that, I think we went to Walmart once when my mom was in town. I'm not complaining though, I know I could find a babysitter if it were more important to me.
post #13 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosesnivy View Post
At what age is it okay for kids to stay overnight with grandparents they know well? My parents kept our two boys (4.5 yrs and 2.5 yrs) for two nights this past weekend while my husbnad and I took a weekend away. Now they say they probably won't keep them for more than a night at a time until they are closer to age 7 (they read some article that suggested that age). Frankly I'm feeling frustrated with them...we rarely ask them to watch them, even so we can go on a date...so it's not a matter of taking advantage of them. I'm feeling like I won't be able to have a weekend outing with my husband till my youngest (who we took with us cause she's 5 months old) is 7 years old. They seem to think it will emotionally hurt them in some way. My boys love spending time with my parents. Can anyone help me put this in perspective? Thanks!
Were the kids fine there for 2 nights?
Or are they just saying "not until age 7" because of the article they read? I can understand not wanting to keep the kids overnight if the kids were unhappy...but if they were fine and your Il's are just going by what an article says...well then I don't get it. I don't think there is a set age for overnites, as long as kids, parents and grandparents are happy about it. Like my 2.5 year old wouldn't fare well w/o me overnite because he nurses in the night...but when my niece was that age it was no problem because she stopped nursing at 14 months. As for perspective....OMG they will still take your kids for 1 night at a time....you are super lucky!! My family lives 1000's of miles away and I haven't had a break in a couple of years .
post #14 of 46
It depends on the kids and the grandparents.

DD is 3. My in-laws have her overnight (sometimes most of 2 days and then the 1 night inbetween) kind of once a month. They've been doing that since she turned 2 and asked to sleep at their house. She's never had a problem and in the beginning they just had her sleep with them, and now she has "her own room" (DH's old bedroom)...

My parents? They have had her once even though she's been asking to sleep over there weekly since she was just over 2 and started sleeping at DH's parents house. And they only agreed to have her because her older cousins (10 and 12) were also sleeping over and would be the main ones entertaining her.

They have no desire to do it again unless it's the same kind of situation.

I'm pretty sure they won't be happy to have her on her own until she's close to school age and can completely put herself to bed.
post #15 of 46
I would think the younger the better. My kids have been staying with grandma and grandpa overnight since they were about 2. (or whenever they could make it through the night without making grandma and grandpa misreable and we were able to get out of town)
post #16 of 46
I really think it depends on the grand-parents.

My mom and dad are GREAT - I really have to remember to appreciate them alot more.........My mom will pretty much take my kids anytime I ask her (which isn't alot, since I don't want to abuse it) And she took my then 2.5 year old for 9 days when the rest of us went to FL (just because she would have been to young to remember and I had a 4 month old and a 7 year old..........this way I could actually enjoy the vacation with family).

My In-laws however................not so much! They have watched my two older kids ONCE in the past 3 years! When DD1 was almost 2 and my MIL was STILL freaking about about me leaving her there - the only reason I did was because FIL wanted me too and I knew that DSD could EASILY take care of her. (she lives with us full time).

Anyways, I think I have both sides of the extreme..............really really helpful grandparents and really really NON helpful grandparents.
Just like other posters have said - it is really their perogative......not much you can do to change it!
post #17 of 46
Totally depends on the comfort level of the kids AND the caretaker. I call BS on the age 7 thing, but it does sound like they're looking for an out without having to make a big scene about it with you.

ITA also that they have no obligation to watch your kids. It's a PITA though, if they don't want to. I'd much rather leave my kids with my parents than with anybody else.
post #18 of 46
It sounds like it was just too much for your parents.

DD is 4 1/2 and she doesn't want to stay with my parents yet and she is very close with them. My parents would keep her for a month!

I think it absolutely depends on the individuals there's no right or wrong age.

Your parents wouldn't have brought up that article if everything had gone well those two nights. I'd want to know what happened if it were me.
post #19 of 46
Oh gosh, DH and I haven't ever had a weekend away!

That said, I don't think I would feel comfortable asking anyone to take my 2.5 and almost 6 yo overnight- especially someone getting to be my parents' age. It would be too tiring.
post #20 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
Whatever age your parents are comfortable with!

Look on the bright side: your parents are nearby. They are willing to take your kids overnight. You could easily get 36 hours to yourselves. Dh and I live far away from family. Do you know how often we've had family take our kids overnight? ONCE. In 8 1/2 years. I'm jealous that your parents can take your kids at all.
Same here Count your blessings mama!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › At what age is it okay?