I can't do this anymore.

[Organicavocado]

K is almost 20 months now. He still nurses every hour when I'm around him. He goes 6-7 hours without when Im at work without issue, but instead of smiling and greeting me at the door he runs up and signs milk and I cant even pee without him going into hysterics.

Which is all good and fine but the fibromyalgia has made nursing freakin' unbearable. It has NEVER stopped being painful for us. It feels like the first time, every time, and I have been able to grit my teeth and bear it but now every time he latches on my toes curl and I'm resentful and it just hurts. Its a chore, and I do it for him because he acts like he OMG needs it, but I just don't think I can take it anymore. On the other hand, I can't think of a gentle way to wean him. I've been trying to refuse nursings during the day, replace with an activity or snuggling or food etc. and I am just met with very ANGRY tantrums that go on and on and on.

I was also dx with rheumatoid arthritis this week (Im in my 20s... wth) so my pain will not be getting any better. The low dose of pain medication I'm on is not cutting it and I am totally out of my mind miserable.

I will regret weaning him and will feel guilty about it, but I just... can't do it anymore.

[feminist~mama]

I'm so sorry mama! It sounds like such a hard situation! You have nothing to feel guilty about- it sounds like a trying time without even adding in health issues!

Keep firm with the distraction and gentle weaning techniques- giving in means starting from scratch.

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

sorry your gowing through this hun, you have no reason to feel guilty you have done a wounderful job breastfeeding this long and should be p[roud of yourself.
like the pp said just try keep with ditraction and gentle weaning techniques and hopefully it will work for you, good luck x

[Organicavocado]

I know that logically I should be proud, we overcame every single hardship.. inverted and flat nipples and weaning from a shield, 10 days in NICU, 10 days in PICU pumping the whole time, clogged ducts, PPD, oh god the thrush, all on top of the fibro... and made it this far. But in the end when Im thinking to myself, its not even selflessness, its just something I did because I had to and I feel like I still HAVE to nurse him.

I just couldnt nurse him again tonight and hubby took him into the other room and hes only settled down now after an hour. It spared me one nursing but I can't get back to sleep, I am in too much pain and too foul of a mood. He needs sleep, too.. and K wasn't having any part of ME comforting him without boob. When I tried cuddling and singing and rubbing his back he just screamed and lashed out and tried to rip my shirt off and claw at my chest. He is ANGRY.

[D_McG]

Hang in there! 20 months is wonderful. You have to take care of yourself. I found it easiest to stick rigidly to a schedule (while weaning). That way there was no room for negotiation and no confusing messages.

Try not to feel guilty. He will pick up on that. I was unable to wean my son (at 20 mos) until I was positive in my heart that our relationship would improve after weaning. I was right!

[Organicavocado]

Thanks, that helps a lot

[sbrinton]

I can relate to feeling guilty about weaning a baby when you had to work so hard to start breastfeeding in the first place.

Our youngest was born prematurely and turns one this week. Despite being in the NICU for a month (on a feeding tube and oxygen at first), he was able to learn to breastfeed and this year has gone well. I'm struggling now and considering weaning, mostly because he's biting very, very hard and I can't get him to stop. I feel bad because I think he needs the milk to grow and be healthy through this winter especially, but I don't know if I can take the pain any more.

It sounds like you might need to work on letting go. 20 months of breastfeeding is great. Your son will be FINE if you wean and you will be able to find other ways to feel close to him.