How to encourage a friend NOT to circ?

[Famatigia]

I have a friend who is expecting a son after a daughter. I have not brought up circ, but she's THAT kind of person who just goes with the "norm" or appearance. Lack of education, I guess. I am going to her shower on Saturday and would like to give her some information on why not to circ. Can anyone give me some good links?

[Beating Earth]

I don't have any advice on HOW to bring it up but I would suggest NOT doing it at the shower. It's really too much of a hot button issue to bring up around a bunch of people if you don't know their stance. It could get ugly. If most people there are mainstream you stand the chance of being ganged up on with this topic.

[GoodMomma]

I agree with the previous poster. Too many uninformed family and friends to be putting in their input. If she has e-mail I would definitely go that route. For me, it's always easier through e-mail then in person. Good luck... hope she sees the light!

[Carlyle]

Where do you live? If you can, look up the circ stats in your state (assuming you live in the US)...perhaps they're not as high as your friend thinks. Here in CA, it's seriously low (can't remember exactly, but it's definitely less than 25%).

[Cheshire]

If she like to read give her this link:
http://drmomma.blogspot.com/2009/11/...cumcision.html

If you know any other friends who are pro-intact ask them to mention it to her as well.

Best wishes for another whole boy.

[Famatigia]

I do not plan to bring it up, just want to slip her some info on paper after.

[Greg B]

Give her this, it is by doctors, so she can go along with the professionals:

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...yStatement.pdf

Regards

[Night_Nurse]

How about printing off one or all of these?

http://oknocirc.blogspot.com/

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/1/t012000.asp

http://nocircpa.org/4642.html

http://intactamerica.org/node/6

http://family.go.com/parentpedia/bab...umcision-care/ - this one I like for mainstream parents because it's from Disney (and will be seen as a "neutral" website), mentions bleeding, quotes Dr. Spock, and probably won't seem too "pushy". If you give this one I'd recommend another more detailed one that details how easy intact care is or dispels some myths.

http://www.oprah.com/article/relatio...d-circumcision - This is from OPRAH's site! Many mainstream women live and breathe Oprah, so, maybe this info will be well received.

I could list links all night. Whatever you decided to do, it's so nice that you care enough to leave her with some information. Hopefully she'll decide to leave her son intact.

[groovynaturemama]

this blog post: http://codenamemama.blogspot.com/200...rfect-son.html

there are good myth vs fact things if you scroll down a little...had me in tears after reading it and seeing the pic of an intact vs. freshly circ'd boy.

[philomom]

I think it depends on where you live. In Atlanta, my son was a rare intact little fellow. Here in Portland, Oregon... the family dressing room at my YMCA is full of intact little boys.

[Famatigia]

Thanks everyone!

I think I have them being on state insurance on my side!

[boobyfeeder]

I really hope for your friend's baby's sake, she is more willing to stand up for her son than my friend. She has decided that she "doesn't care either way" even though I've sent her several informative links, and is letting the baby's father decide. He has decided he wants his son circ'd. At this point I feel like there is nothing I can do.

[Code Name Mama]

Originally Posted by groovynaturemama

this blog post: http://codenamemama.blogspot.com/200...rfect-son.html

there are good myth vs fact things if you scroll down a little...had me in tears after reading it and seeing the pic of an intact vs. freshly circ'd boy.

Thanks for sharing this - I cried when I wrote it.

I do have one piece of happy news - I had someone message me and tell me that this post actually convinced her husband NOT to circ her son. What a blessing that things we write and say and advocate for can actually make a difference - to one child at a time.

I have since opened up my own site and am no longer on blogspot, but if you go to the link posted above, there is a direct link to the new site/post (I transferred it over), or you can click on the "my homepage" link from my username; this post is on my "most popular posts" linked to from the front page.

I encourage you to share the info with your friends, family, and community. And if you have any other information, please comment and let me know - I will do more of these posts in the future!

[proudmomof4]

Thank you for caring so much about your friend and her baby.

I'd like to point out again to not bring this topic up at her baby shower. I was really grossed out in another post that someone started a circumcision "discussion" at a baby shower (as in "Do tell me you are gonna circumsize that baby!"). A baby shower is maybe not the appropriate "background"...

[SlackerDad]

Originally Posted by philomom

I think it depends on where you live. In Atlanta, my son was a rare intact little fellow. Here in Portland, Oregon... the family dressing room at my YMCA is full of intact little boys.

That's where we're moving! Reading that article from the St. Louis hospital where they "whack 'em all" (charming) just added impetus to my desire to move out of MO ASAP, to Portland, and leave this all behind.

[KK Slider]

I recently found out that a coworker of mine, with whom I'm pretty good friends, is expecting a baby boy in March. I sent her some links (to articles on this website, and the video on intactamerica.org) and she promised to read them! Like many people she said she'd never thought about it before, but I'm glad I got her thinking now instead of when she's being pressured in the hospital.

[lurve]

i just watched the movie "cut" at cutthefilm.com and WOW! i mean the things i never knew (to me it was the equivalent of me reading "taking charge of your fertility" - like everything you were supposed to know but didn't). if she is a visual person, i recommend that film.

[SlackerDad]

Originally Posted by Night_Nurse

How about printing off one or all of these?

http://oknocirc.blogspot.com/

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/1/t012000.asp

http://nocircpa.org/4642.html

http://intactamerica.org/node/6

http://family.go.com/parentpedia/bab...umcision-care/ - this one I like for mainstream parents because it's from Disney (and will be seen as a "neutral" website), mentions bleeding, quotes Dr. Spock, and probably won't seem too "pushy". If you give this one I'd recommend another more detailed one that details how easy intact care is or dispels some myths.

http://www.oprah.com/article/relatio...d-circumcision - This is from OPRAH's site! Many mainstream women live and breathe Oprah, so, maybe this info will be well received.

I could list links all night. Whatever you decided to do, it's so nice that you care enough to leave her with some information. Hopefully she'll decide to leave her son intact.

I used the Sears, Oprah, and Disney ones in my first official attempt with a friend I just found out this evening is expecting (after trying for four years--wow). I also made pitches for attachment parenting and midwifery/homebirth stuff, but I told him my bottom line was that even if he blew off everything else, please please don't circumcise your son if you have one. It could be an uphill climb here in Missouri, but I'm crossing my fingers...

[SlackerDad]

Update on my friend: as I feared, I've got a long way to go (beginning to feel your pain, those of you who have struck out with people you've tried to convince). His response so far is "I've always heard there are modest health benefits at best and that it is essentially an aesthetic change at worst." Ugggghhhhhh....but I of course have to tread lightly since he himself is circed (he hasn't said so and I haven't seen him naked, but I'd bet the farm on it). Sigh.

[Night_Nurse]

Originally Posted by SlackerDad

Update on my friend: as I feared, I've got a long way to go (beginning to feel your pain, those of you who have struck out with people you've tried to convince). His response so far is "I've always heard there are modest health benefits at best and that it is essentially an aesthetic change at worst." Ugggghhhhhh....but I of course have to tread lightly since he himself is circed (he hasn't said so and I haven't seen him naked, but I'd bet the farm on it). Sigh.

Sometimes it take a while for the info to soak in. If your friend isn't one to get easily offended by language and nudity, maybe send him the Penn and Teller Bullsh!t episode on circumcision. You can tell him they interview people who are for circ and against it and then he can make up his mind. Of course, P&T's take on the topic is very anti (and I agree) but sometimes I think it's helpful when both sides of an argument can be presented and then the viewer (or reader in some cases) can come to their own decision.

If you want to touch on the response of your friend, you can let him know that the American Academy of Pediatrics says it's not needed and aesthetically, the son is the only one who should decide how it should look. With the circ rates dropping all over the country, it is possible the son or his future partners would prefer the intact look over the circed one. The "it looks better" response coming from a parent always makes me uncomfortable. The parent shouldn't be thinking of their child's genitals in terms of what is attractive or sexually pleasing to them, IMO.